There was a moment in time not too long ago where it was as though the blinds had been opened and I was able to see clearly through a window, outside of myself. The moment that the wall of drapes parted, I was able to see an entire picture that I had previously only seen glimpses of before. I was never able to see the entire scene. That moment allowed me to recognize one simple but, extremely important fact.
There was nothing wrong with me. There never had been.
For some people, this notion might make you shake your heads in disbelief. For many more of you though, you might be thinking that you are flawed. For me, it was like an awakening. It was an Ah-Ha moment for me because I had always seen myself filled with warts, flaws, faults, guilt and blame. I had seen myself as defective…a defective person and those thoughts were aided and fostered by those in my life that I was closest to throughout my life but, most of all, enhanced by my own belief that it was true. In that one moment where I was able to oversee the entire picture of my life and everyone in it, one realization came to me that made all of the difference in the world.
I am not less than anyone else on this planet.
For those of you, sitting back, shaking your heads and saying inside or out loud right now,
“Yeah, but, I am. I am unworthy, unlovable, flawed, sick, warped and I am less than others in my life,” or you’re saying, “I’ve always felt that I’m beneath everyone else and like I shouldn’t be alive,” STOP RIGHT THERE! You are WRONG!
You’re right, I don’t know you. I don’t know what you’ve done or not done in your life. Perhaps, you have murdered someone or, you’re in jail or prison? Maybe, you’ve got a mental health issue and can’t participate in Society the way that others can? Perhaps, your parents or others who mean a lot to you have told you repeatedly that you’re “unworthy” or “useless” or “not worth the air you breath”? (I’ve heard those many times throughout my life both verbally and in demonstration terms.) Or maybe, it’s you, yourself who are telling yourself that you’re wrong, bad or defective? Whatever the source, please follow along as I explain why these are all FALSEHOODS and why you are no more flawed than anyone else on this planet.
For me, I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I knew that there were issues. Our family wasn’t like my friends’ families. I longed to live elsewhere, with other people. I didn’t want to live with my family. To make matters worse, I was abused by two parents who told me that it was me, not them who was to blame for my horribleness. I was told that I was a “waste of planet space” and deserved to be in a home for delinquents, not with them. Not only was that repeated (along with many other things that don’t need to be gone into with any detail here to demonstrate the points) but, it was drilled into my head. It became a mantra within me. Worse than that, one of my parents knew what was going on and decided to stay out of the way so that they didn’t become involved and get hurt, themselves. Both parents, in effect, were abusers and it’s only been within recent years that I’ve recognized that they were both wrong to have taken the stances that they took, be it aggressive or passively, both were abusers. It took that window for me to be able to see the entire story as it really was at that time and relieve me of a burden that I had been carrying around on my shoulders of unworthiness.
Let me explain what I realized when I saw the entire picture which hopefully, will help you too.
No one on this planet is perfect.
It doesn’t matter how strong or dominant anyone is, they are no better or no worse than anyone else walking this earth. They might seem like they are. Parents, siblings, friends, teachers even bullies are flawed. Yes, you heard me right. No one alive has it all together no matter how much they try to portray that they do. Everyone…yes, everyone…has flaws, warts, skeletons and pasts that are not perfect as well.
Take a moment right now and really think hard about people you know, including parents, friends, siblings or anyone you might think of as being perfect or having it all together. Look at them deeply. Look inside of their lives and within them. Don’t think about what they’ve told you that they are, think for yourself. Take as much time as you need to think about this then, continue reading. Go on. Don’t just skip ahead. Do this right now.
What did you find?
If you say, “nothing…the are perfect,” go back and look again. I can assure you that they are not. Either your vision of them is clouded in some way or, you don’t know them well enough to know what’s really going on within them or their lives. Think of someone else. Do this until you can name at least 3 people in your life that you didn’t really see flaws in before now.
On the other hand, if you did find their flaws, find 2 others and do the same thing now.
Eventually, no matter how many people you do this with, you’ll find warts and weaknesses in their “perfect” facade.
Everyone is crazy.
Did you just gasp or spit out your coffee, munchies or water on that statement? Well, it’s true. Everyone is a bit crazy. The only thing that separates one crazy person from another are the differences in the types of crazy and the degrees to which it affects their lives.
Once you get better at being able to spot people’s issues, you’ll also recognize that no one is perfectly sane. There’s a level of dysfunction or insanity in every human walking this planet today. Some need medication. Some drink alcohol or take street drugs. Some see professionals and some, well they walk around in their underwear, talking to themselves behind closed doors but never let anyone see that part of themselves or their lives. Others have obsessions with going to the gym and can’t miss a session or they can’t function while others chew on pens and pencils. Others won’t touch a carb or can’t stop eating carbs or anything for that matter. Some have a certain ritual or they have to get to bed by 10 p.m. or they panic. There are millions of examples that may seem harmless enough but, they are all signs and symptoms of people’s insanity to some extent or another. They’ve simply found acceptable ways of either dealing with it or hiding it.
For some people, there’s severe depression or anxiety. Some cannot leave their homes at all which is called agoraphobia. Some have psychotic traits or issues. Others are schizophrenic, narcissistic personality disordered or any other of the myriads of labels that a doctor can put onto a person who is unable to function properly in Life. These are extreme forms but, no matter what, everyone has value as a person and everyone is not wrong to be part of this world. Being crazy is part of human existence. It’s only the degree to which it affects not only their lives but, those of others. It’s not a measure of a person’s worth or worthiness of being part of this human existence. It’s not being “wrong”. It’s simply an illness that one didn’t wish upon themselves. It has no standing in the “being wrong as a person or less than” category. If we want to go that route, one crazy person was just inaugurated as president of The United States of America, one of the most powerful nations in the world. But, all joking aside, it’s true. No one is perfectly sane. Those who think that they are the exception to this rule, are likely the craziest of all of us.
Every family is dysfunctional to some extent or another.
This statement may have had you shaking your head a “no”, spitting out the rest of your tea, wanting to switch to play a game or even throw your tablet, phone or computer across the room right now. However, this statement is also true. There is no one family who isn’t dysfunctional to some extent or another no matter how much you think yours is the exception or how much you love them. Love has nothing to do with this but, being blind to that fact, does.
It’s ok to love your family no matter how dysfunctional they are. We should love our families if we can but, we also can’t be blind to its warts, flaws and faults. That’s not to place blame on anyone but, it is to say that every family is somewhat wacky and dysfunctional. Believe it or not, even if you have your own family right now and truly think that you’re the best parent going without any dysfunction of any kind, think again. I might have rattled your chain and made you angry with that statement because after all, you’ve done your best, are doing your best and have made great effort to perhaps, not repeat the same mistakes your family made with you. Alternatively, you might be raising your family, the way that you were raised because you felt it was perfect. Hold onto your horses or panties or both there.
Whether you go to the opposite extreme to what was done to you by your family or, you’re raising your family the way that you were raised, your family is or will be dysfunctional. Everyone’s family is. Don’t believe me? Either take a really good look back at your own childhood if you’re trying to correct that in your own family today or, take a good look at yourself and be honest in what you see within yourself. Ask yourself if your family was so perfect, why are you doing the opposite or trying to correct things that weren’t done right during your childhood? On the flip side of the coin, if you’re raising your family the way that you were raised, what are you afraid of changing within yourself that is causing you to stick to how you were raised? Are you perfect in every way? Are there things about yourself that you’d like to change but, can’t? Don’t you trust yourself enough to do things your own way? Why is that? Was it drilled into your head that this is the way you must do things? What’s that saying about you and your inner self? It’s likely saying a lot. Think about that for a bit. It’s ok if it doesn’t come to you right away or you click off of this piece. It’s ok too, if you can afford another computer, tablet or phone, to throw it across the room. Get as mad as you wish and call me names. Just think about it for a bit. It’ll come to you, I’m sure. If it doesn’t and you call me a quack, that’s ok too. (Just don’t write to me to call me that or I’ll trash that comment.)
The entire point behind all of this is that our families are usually the first role models for us as people. They shape who and what we are, our idiosyncrasies and our levels of belief in ourselves as being part of Society and this planet. They are the basis for how we see ourselves first and foremost. If we don’t get the bulk of our insecurities from them, we get them from friends, peers, teachers, bosses and oftentimes, we simply repeat those tapes within us, endlessly until we come to believe it all about ourselves. That’s wrong, not us. We are not wrong as people. Those who put us down are wrong.
In looking at those points more fully and with clarity, I was able to see where my own insecurities came from and realize that I was no more and no less than any other being on this planet. The people who had put me down the most and caused me to believe that I was less-than, were the people who had the most insecurity, dysfunction or insanity. They were the ones who were doing it out of their own insecurities or needs. They were the ones who had issues that they weren’t dealing with or hadn’t dealt with effectively.
More to the point, I recognized that there’s not a person alive or dead who wasn’t a bit crazy and dysfunctional in one way or another, to some extent or another and, that made me “normal”. There was never anything wrong with me and I am not more than nor, less-than anyone else.
From my little corner of life, you are just as valuable as anyone else on this planet, warts, flaws, insecurities and all. One thing you’re not…is “wrong” as a person. Believe in that.
Love, Light and Blessings