We all do it. Unless we are a true Psychopath who cannot connect to their feelings, we all worry about what others think of us. No one wants to be disliked, rejected or feel out of place with others. Those are normal, natural feelings and oftentimes, fears for a lot of people but, the truth is, we will all feel those things throughout our lives no matter what we do or don’t do.
“You can please some of the people some of the time but, you can’t please all of the people, all of the time.”
I don’t know who said that or where it came from but, it has stuck with me through my entire life thus far. It’s true though that we can’t “be all things to all people.” There’s another saying that I have never known its origins but, keep in my mind quite a bit. Does it work to keep repeating these mantras? Yes, to some extent, it does.
One thing that we have to remember is that there are always going to be people who don’t like us no matter what we do, say or how we portray ourselves to be. We can’t get away from that fact. It may be as simple as there’s nothing wrong with us but, that person takes an instant dislike to us because we remind them of their uncle/aunt Joe or Betty-Sue and they hate that person. If that is the case, we can’t change that fact. We are who we are, look like us and those people aren’t going to like us no matter what we do or don’t do. Why even try? Let them go. Who is trying to please you? Don’t “people chase”. It’s not worth it and only leads one to find other people who will abuse and use you. Remember that people will find others who suit their needs. If you don’t fit into that category by being you, they are not for you. Walk away because this relationship isn’t going to end well. What built on quick sand isn’t stable and can’t stand the test of time. Why waste yours or your energy on them? You aren’t going to win and more key, why would you want to?
The other thing to remember is that we’re going to disagree with other’s points of view at some point or another. Even the best of friends can see things differently but, what keeps that friendship together is the common bond of understanding that we’re two different people who will have different experiences in life and who will therefore, have differing thoughts, opinions and interests. Agreeing to disagree is usually the case and good friends go on to find their common ground without malice or, at the least, only a temporary malice.
People will come and go from our lives. Not all people will be around us for entire lifetimes. As a matter of fact, few people will be around us endlessly. I’ve heard it said by many different sources that if we have one or two lifetime friends, we can consider ourselves lucky.
Trying to please other people is an attempt to gain or try to gather approval, love, friendship, respect and prevent rejection, hurt, pain or other scorns that we often will get dished out in our lifetimes. It’s impossible to avoid. There, I’ve said it. The sooner one gets that concept and accepts that we are going to be the brunt of someone’s anger, upset, hurt, rejection, condemnation, etc., the sooner we are going to be able to deal with it in a healthy manner.
Certainly, if we know that we have something that irks or upsets other people (i.e.: an addiction, a “no-filter mouth” or even something else that we can fix within ourselves) we can work on those aspects of ourselves to help ourselves towards being what others will find more palatable within us. Changing everything about ourselves with every person we are with is not only exhausting but, also leads others to see us as fickle, flaky and a plethora of other terms that they can throw at this type of situation. Unfortunately, they’d be correct and, not only will it stop people from liking us but, it will cause “The Users” to see us a doormats to use or, it will create a feeling whereby others find us weak and don’t respect us. People want to be around people they respect. Remember that much.
If you’re finding yourself wanting to please someone else and changing yourself to suit them, you have something that you need to ask yourself.
“Are they somehow better than me?”
Your answer should be a resounding “NO!” but, if it isn’t, then it’s your own self-concept and self-esteem that you need to work on rather than working on changing yourself to suit that other person(s). Be proud of yourself first and foremost. Most of all, remember that people like other people who like themselves. While that doesn’t mean becoming a selfish monster, it does mean that when you take a stance for yourself and BE yourself, you will find others who will respect you for who you truly are, as you are. You are the only one who is causing yourself to feel the need to change yourself to suit someone else’s needs/expectations. If you don’t fit those needs/expectations, that person isn’t one you need in your life. Look for others. With over 7 Billion people on this planet, there’s bound to be a few who will like you as you are.
From my little corner of life to yours,
Be well, Love and Light.
Have a great day or evening.