Have you noticed that Life is uncertain? If you have already recognized that, you’re at the front of the class or, may already be teaching the course.
I’ve always known that Life is one big crap shoot or, as Forrest Gump would say,
“Like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”
One day, Life is handing you bouquets of flowers and the next, you’re placing them on someone’s grave or wondering where the crap is coming from and why it’s being flung your way.
Right now, I feel as though I am flying without a parachute.
I’ve always dealt with problems within my life. Not simply my own but, everyone else’s as well. In a sense, perhaps, it’s given me some sense of confidence, strength and even faith in myself. More recent years however, have seen all of that dwindle down to uncertainty and inability to tie up even one of the ends that have been left dangling. I’ve pulled on my rip-cord which has always found a way of opening a parachute and slow my descent to a safe speed that I can handle. This time, not only has the cord failed to launch the chute but, the entire chute seems to be missing. In effect, I feel as though I am free-falling from the sky without the help that I had become so used to having to help me. I also recognize that I’m not a bird so flapping my arms doesn’t make me fly.
Believe it or not, this really isn’t a whine fest nor, a pity party. It’s a piece whereby I can say that I’m learning more than I thought I already knew. There are lessons to be learned as you’re plummeting and I’m learning them as quickly as I can.
We all think that we have control over most things but, do we really?
The answer to that right now is a resounding, “NO!” We don’t have control over as much as we think that we do.
When we’re young, we think we have a handle on our lives and can do just about anything our minds set out to do. As we age, we quickly learn that Life is going to toss in some mighty big curve-balls that are going to threaten that control. We’ll swerve and veer and try to steer around them but, as we age further, not only do we tire of doing so but, realize that by dodging one or two of those tosses, we’re going to land in front of another.
I know that this is all sounding doom and gloom but, it’s not meant to sound that way. It’s all about learning that we have certain sets of circumstances that we can get around in Life and others that we can’t. We either have to hit them head-on and deal with them or we’re bowled down by them. The older we get, the more we come to recognize that there’s less swerving, ducking or driving around these road blocks and more, having to face the fact that they’re there in the first place. Of course, it doesn’t help that the older we get, the more balls we’ll get tossed in our direction to deal with until we have to slow down our gung-ho forward progress and stay stumped for awhile.
Recently, I’ve been hit with a plethora of those Life Curve-Balls. Maybe, it’s just me? Maybe, I don’t have the fortitude that I once had in being able to steer around those pylons that have been placed by Life onto my path anymore? Whether there’s more of them now or whether I’ve simply become less tolerant, is part of the questions that I’ve had to ask myself and the resulting answers have been eye-openers with brand new lessons to be learned. The lesson that I’ve learned is that we don’t have as much control as we once illusioned ourselves into believing that we had and, there’s no running away from that fact at this point.
If one thing doesn’t work, I’ll try another.
That used to be my motto/mantra. I repeated that to myself on a frequent basis. Most of the time, it did work. At least, it worked on those things. I still have that attitude today but, I’m finding that it’s not as sure-fired as it once was. Sometimes there aren’t answers and we have to either cope or deal with what we’ve been left to deal with because there isn’t a way to avoid it. The best that we can do sometimes, is to ignore it until or unless we can’t do so anymore then, it’s time to face the problem as best we can, one way or another.
I’ve had some health issues that just won’t go away lately. My daughter hasn’t had anything to do with me for a couple of years now and pretty much all of the friends that I’ve had in my life, I suddenly realized, were taking more than they were even dreaming of giving in return. In short, I’m left with a pile of health struggles and no one around to help me in any way. Somehow, condolences and talking about someone else’s problems doesn’t always do the trick nor, does it divert my attention away from my own issues anymore. I can recognize being used and abused when I see it now. As tough as I thought that I once was, I realize now that everyone else’s problems don’t somehow seem much worse to me than my own. Frankly, I don’t want to continue dealing with everyone else’s problems while they go on with a lighter heart and I’m still stuck with my problems because no one is willing to help me figure mine out. This is where I also recognize that I cannot force others into what they don’t want to nor, will do as easily as I would for them. Lesson learned. Stop being a doormat for others and their needs, wants and whatever else they can fire at me. Trust me, they will continue trying until I start putting my foot down and telling them that I have my own problems. Enter the SILENCE. No one comes around when there’s nothing for them to get, I’ve found.
What’s worse is that I’ve recognized that everything that I’ve attempted to do as well as the “professionals” have done, hasn’t amounted to a hill of beans in trying to solve these issues. There really isn’t anything more to try.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to give up trying and adjust your own attitude.
With all that has gone wrong, is going wrong and will go wrong in our lives and this world, in all reality, there’s only a tiny portion that we can actually do something about.
We couldn’t stop the crazed gun-man who took 30 lives while having a mental disorder break-down. We couldn’t stop the hurricane or earth quakes that wiped out hundreds of lives and has destroyed entire portions of countries, if not the entire country. Even researchers (though there are conspiracy theories that there is one that has been hidden by big pharma for decades) can’t find a cure for most cancers. Try reaching a doctor and once you have gotten in to see one, try getting them to give you a reasonable explanation as to what the issue is and how to solve it without 700 more tests that will only produce more. Do those little buggers reproduce?
In short, I’ve learned now that there are things that we do have some control over and other things that we simply have to give ourselves an attitude adjustment. In other words, we may not be able to solve half of what we used to think we were solving but, then again, maybe we never had the control that we thought we had because we simply diverted our focus away from it and onto other things more pressing? As we age, we realize that we can’t simply divert from most things and not everything will have a fix or be able to be prevented. At this point, it’s how we deal with things within ourselves that becomes paramount to as sane a life and mind as we can possibly get. In other words, we do what we can about things and what can’t be dealt with, we have to learn to live with, in as much peace and harmony as we can.
There are no perfect answers in life.
One wise doctor (my family doctor) once told me,
“In trying to fix one thing, we can break another.”
How true that statement has proven itself to be and, I don’t mean in simply the health arena. Sometimes, the best thing that we can do is nothing. There are no perfect answers and none without some sort of consequence of one kind or another, now or down the road. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t type of thing. One can only assess what is going on at the time and make the best informed decision that they can make, given the information that they have at that time. Hindsight is always 20/20 of course but, even now in looking back at my life, there were no perfect answers to anything that I did or didn’t do with anything or anyone as well as any situation. No matter how I’ve tried to think of those situations and how I might have done things differently, there’s always a “but” that comes out of any and all solutions. There’s also the question of whether I was right or wrong or would have been right or wrong. What if I had have done x, y and z instead of a, b and c? There would likely have been consequences to those choices as well. I’ll never know for sure but, I can foresee how those choices would have led to more issues too.
So, what does one do?
You know what you do? You live each moment as it comes, as it is and you figure out what it is that you can do something about and what it is that you can’t. You do something, anything about the things that you can do something about and hope for the best outcome and you adjust your thinking to the things that you can’t change.
I hate to tell you this but, Life means flying without a parachute. We have the illusion of having one on our backs, ready to stop us from falling at a slower rate. The reality is, we are all flying without that parachute in some way or another, in one or many aspects of our lives. Learn to accept that anything can happen at any time and adjust your thinking to the idea that there are no perfect answers to anything nor, are there answers with any certainty. It’s all trial and error as well as doing the best that we all can with whatever Life throws our way. If nothing else, we can adjust our thinking to accept what we cannot change.
From my little corner of life to yours,
Be well, Love and Light.
Have a great day or evening.