I don’t mean this to sound like a “Dirty Laundry List” that is hanging in the breeze for everyone or anyone to hear or read as everyone has their challenges in Life. However, suffice it to say that I am up past my earlobes with issues that never seem to get solved for some odd reason.
It’s not for lack of trying on my part. As a matter of fact, I am possibly trying to deal with things too hard. Instead of solving anything though, all that seems to happen is that I end up looking like a dog, chasing its tail and never catching it. What a waste of energy.
Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where you feel as though the more you do towards trying to solve problems for yourself and everyone else for that matter, that you realize that there is no change in anything for the better?
I’ve been trying to get help from those who have more knowledge in certain areas (aka “professional service providers”) but, to date, I keep hitting block walls. I’ve searched within myself many times over and tried different things as I’ve done my own research as well on these things. All that I seem to find in doing all of this are more questions than answers. It’s also gotten to the point where I am wasting precious time, energy and emotion on what amounts to “chasing my tail” so to speak. Trust me, all of this effort is not pulling in any friends either. It’s certainly a magnet for those who want to use whomever will be there for them and do their bidding.
I have learned a few things though and it’s not what one would expect to find behind all of the thought, trouble and avails that one would go through to be there for both others and yourself. Actually, it’s quite the opposite.
Try but, when it’s not working, switch to something else.
There’s something to be said for not jumping ship and continuing along towards your destination even if it half kills you to do so. However, that’s not the way that things work in real Life. One can try their best but, when their efforts keep meeting walls and one can only see dead ends, it’s time to change course and set sail for a different port.
Albert Einstein once eluded to the idea that the definition of insanity is to continue doing the same things and expecting a different result.
Let’s just say that my “insanity” levels are off the charts now. It’s time to switch ports or destinations by trying the complete opposite of what I’ve been doing.
Franky Heck (Patricia Heaton in “The Middle”) once said that the secret to everything was to “stop trying”. I finally get why she said what she said in that sitcom and what it means. It may be a television show but, the writers draw upon a bank of knowledge within their own personal experiences. This one holds true…contrary to popular belief.
Offer constant help to others and it draws out the “Users”.
There’s such a thing as a fine line when it comes to helping others. That boundary seems to be when the only times that you hear from someone, no matter how sugar coated it may seem on the surface, is when they need something from you or want you to do something for them, that’s a sign that you don’t truly have people around you for who you are but, rather for what you can do for them. Stop right there and ask yourself if this is the type of relationship that you want within your life. If it is, continue on doing these things but, if it’s not, stop and think of what it is that you’re offering others. There’s a difference between a hand up and a hand out. If all that you’re getting in return is more demands, commands and requests for more and more help, you’ve given a hand out and they will naturally keep coming back for more.
If you aren’t hearing from people during the good times in their lives, you’re a sucker for them and if not already, a doormat for them to wipe their feet on.
Professionals should be there for your needs in their area of expertise but, if they continually don’t help you, it’s time to find others who can or will. You’re not giving up. You’re only changing boats.
While none of us know it all, even if we’ve been schooled for years on a topic, the point is that if they aren’t helping you and you’re not getting the results that you want or need to get from them, it’s time to move onto someone else.
Service providers are your employees. You’re paying them to do a job for them. Whether it’s your lawyer or doctor or mechanic, if what you’re needing and wanting isn’t being met by them, it’s time to take flight to another provider. You are paying them in one way or another. It’s their job to do your bidding for you and help you. When a service provider doesn’t help you, it’s time to find another who can and will work for their money or pay. It’s ok to move on. You may be teaching that service provider a lesson for the next person they service or, at the least, you’re not staying stuck in a “chase your tail” scenario which seems to indicate that you’re not worthy of better treatment than what they are offering you. By the way, I don’t care how busy they are either. If they’re that busy that they can’t meet your needs, find one who isn’t because this one isn’t going to miss you when you do leave but, you’ll know the difference.
Forgiving others for their transgressions ONCE is noble but, continuing to forgive them is a recipe for becoming a doormat and even being an Enabler.
That one speaks for itself. There’s no need for explanation. If you don’t get it, re-read it. It’ll sink in.
Stand up for yourself!
Did I say that strongly enough? Can I say it any more loudly than how I’ve said it?
This has to be one of the most important things that I’ve learned of late. If you don’t stand up for you and go to bat for you, not many others will either. You can complain and fret and worry, even ruining your life but, if you don’t become your own advocate and put yourself first and foremost in your life, no one else will. It’s imperative that you put your own oxygen mask on first before you attempt to help others put theirs on. Love yourself enough that others come second in your life, behind you. If you don’t do this, no one else will either and you’ll burn out quickly. Don’t believe me? Look back at all of the energy that you’ve wasted on certain things or people in your life and where they are at this moment. If you’re still chasing your own tail and they’re still using you, that’s indication enough that you never put yourself first nor, loved yourself so, they won’t either.
From my little corner of life, like Kenny Rogers sang in “The Gambler”….
“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and when to run….”
Learn those differences. I’m trying now too.
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Best of wishes!
Love and Light.