HELP!: My Adult Child Has Estranged From Me and Is Living Like A Teenager


At a certain point in everyone’s lives, it’s time to grow up and be an adult.  One can be a responsible adult or one who lives their lives as though still in teenaged years, without responsibility towards anyone else other than themselves as the key point in their lives.  Living like that however, allows others to surpass those who remain stuck in their teenaged lives.

Drinking or doing drugs, living to go to rock concerts, crashing computers while listening to downloaded music and playing video games, rebelling against parents or anyone in authority, reading articles about changing the world etc. but, never doing anything with it, including voting,  going for walks are all fine and expected endeavours while living within one’s teenaged or even early 20’s years however, when that’s all that one does in their later 30’s, it becomes akin to someone who simply doesn’t want to take on the responsibilities of being an adult even if they proclaim to be doing so.  The reality is, that they are not taking on an adult role nor, once past their mid-thirties, is it likely that they are going to act as an adult.

It’s one thing to bring in a pay check, saying, “there…I work…I’m an adult! I don’t live at home anymore!”  It’s quite another one to realize that a lot of teens and 20-somethings all work and go to school as well as likely not living at home anymore if they are in residence at college or university.  In other words, that 30-something year old, is no further ahead than the college or university aged person.  They haven’t developed any true adult skills.  Chronologically, they may have a different age but mentally, they are stuck beneath those who live “The Frat Life”.

By the time most people hit their 30’s and especially, mid to late 30’s, they are usually more settled into life.  They work full time jobs for the most part, respect other people’s feelings and generally are both more empathetic towards others as well as having tossed their drug paraphernalia and drinking to the side or away.  Concerts are not their mainstay any longer as bills have to be paid or companies formed and monies going back into building it or a career.  Parents are beginning to age or have aged, have health issues rearing their ugly heads and family of all sorts become important to these now adults.  This is also when the teenager turned adult, is also working on building their own future lives with families of their own or homes or at the least, taking on responsibilities for others.  Everyone is different in how they approach it all or what they do but basically, they are moving forward both as people as well as within their lives to one extent or another.

When a thirty-something year old and beyond, is still stuck in teenaged year behaviours, traits and doing drugs with a Hippie-like attitude as well as actions, little to no respect for parents or other family members, it’s a sign that something within themselves is amiss.  They need mental health help because they are not capable of being adults in spite of their ages.  Mix in drugs, rock ‘n roll and living for their next concert, level of a video game as well as shunning anyone who has grown up to any extent and, there’s a real red flashing light that those adults are mentally and emotionally stunted in growth, requiring some form of intervention.  When parents and other family members and friends are shut out and cannot get through to them, they are what one can consider, people to be concerned about.

But, what does one do especially, parents when adult children or a child has taken on this type of attitude and mentality but, won’t listen, hear or even speak to their parents, family or former friends?

Sadly, there is little that can be done.  This is especially true of those who have a friend or significant other who also has yet to grow out of teenaged or early 20-something, Frat House Living mentalities.  It is extra hard to impossible for those who have a controlling, manipulative partner.  There’s little chance that one can get through to such a person if they don’t wish to listen, hear or see the light and wisdom of what everyone else has been trying to get through to them or when that person has shoved everyone that they ever knew aside in order to carry on with the same lifestyle and attitudes.  In short form, that adult teenager has to want to recognize where they are in life and how badly they’re not only treating themselves and others but, how poorly they are adapting to growing up.

I’m their parent.  I must have done something wrong for them to be like this!

If you’re the parent (as I am) of an adult who is behaving and still living like a teenager and has thrown temper tantrums that entail everything from not working to estrangement from you, it’s more than likely that your adult child has a friend, partner or playmate who has a similar mentality and lifestyle.  You’re the least likely to be at fault for what they do or don’t do with themselves or their lives.  That mate, friend or whatever may be the case, alcohol and or drugs, have had far more influence over your adult teenaged mentality child than you have and that’s been going on for years.  Your influence over your child was watered down a long time ago.  This is your adult teenaged or early twenty-something’s own choices which have led them to the state that you’re seeing and dealing with.  It’s not your fault.

From my little corner of life to yours, stay tuned.  As much as this hurts and you worry about your child or even grieve their loss in your life as I am and have been doing, remember that you (unless you know that you abused substances and them or neglected them) have had little influence over your child by comparison to their friends and others or partners.  As a matter of fact, your influence is now not only negligible but, lost if estrangement occurs and, it’s not of your doing but, of your child’s doing.

I’ll be having more to say about this topic though.  Stay tuned both here and in my YouTube channel which is linked above on a tab.  In the meantime, you have to start, if you haven’t done so already, to look after your own mental health and physical wellbeing.  You cannot help someone who isn’t willing to be helped.  Remember that much, please.

Love and Light,

Have a great day or evening.

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

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