Yes, I am perfect. I have no flaws, faults and warts. I have no issues and never will.
If you were thinking to yourself, “she’s nuts! Everyone has flaws, faults and warts,” you’d be right and not ready to purchase that swamp land that I have put aside to sell to whomever believes I am perfect. No one is perfect. Nothing is perfect. Human Nature means that we cannot be.
So, why is it then that Estranged Adult Children seem to think of their parents as needing to be saints of some kind or another?
In doing a series of videos on YouTube on one of my channels during a complete distruction of my home due to damage from broken water pipes and secondary damage from the so-called repairs, I’ve had the (ahem) pleasure of having met several Estranged Adult Children who seem to think that parents should never speak of their child no matter what they do or don’t do in any sort of negative fashion, let alone on a public form. Yet, it seems to be ok for them to rant, rave and slap labels of “narcissist”, “toxic”, and even “emeshed” upon their parent’s foreheads while parents are expected to simply take it all in and say nothing.
Apparently, speaking up about your child or their choices in Life, no matter how long they’ve been gone or what type of evil they’ve done to their parents is considered, “narcissistic” by these kids.
Talk about Double Standards? This is akin to racism gone wild and those who are oppressed being put down for standing up for themselves. Yet, these kids will somehow, find a way to defend that type of stance while belittling and falsely labelling their parents.
As I’ve said in every video that I’ve done on this topic, it’s not about truly abusive or negligent parents. My videos are for those who have little monsters who have these types of beliefs about their parents for reasons, unknown to those parents. These kids have not only walked away without word, reason or the parents understanding with little to no contact but, they are continuing to do so. Their situations may differ but, it seems that the expectation from these estranged children are that parents are supposed to be the picture of perfection, changing themselves, their lives and everything wanted by the estranged child to suit that kid and, most of all, they are never supposed to speak out about their child’s actions. Why? What is it that the child fears if the parent does? What does that child have to hide or be upset about? If these kids can do it to their parents, why shouldn’t their parents be able to say anything against their actions? Why the double edged sword approach from these estranged children?
For years now, “experts” have assumed that it MUST be “the parent’s faults” for these rogue children to have done what they’ve done. After-all, a child is loyal and would never think of doing such a thing if there wasn’t true reasson from the parents but, is that true?
For years now, I’ve sought out both therapists, counselling, kept quiet, begged, pleaded, sent messages of love and tried in all of the ways these “experts” have told me to try to no avail. Nothing worked and, it’s been over 10 years now since this first began. I’ve even tried asking and pleading with my estranged child to explain what we’ve allegedly done so that we can apologize while offering to pay for Family Counselling. I’ve been met with the old “dig deep wthin your heart”. Whenever I’ve asked again, I’ve been met with such vaguaries that they’re unintelligible by even the so-called “experts” who have been unable to decipher anything from printed emails from my now totally estranged child. They’ve finally told me to “give up trying”. I have but, I have received insults, labels and other forms of berating from those who seem to love something to gripe at, believed, their situation or not.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear with over a decade under my belt of both research and therapy, counselling etc.. An estranged child’s parents are often not the cause of the issue. It’s someone else’s influence or Society’s change to Bleeding Heart Policies that offered rewards for a child even showing up. It rarely has to do with the parent themselves.
In my particular case, my daughter estranged herself so that she could have what she wanted at the time. She continues on with it because she has now become brainwashed and on drugs. Her drug dealer/supplier is her live-in and they live what she would call a “Frat Life”, playing video games, watching downloaded documentaries on a computer, listening to downloaded music, hitting the odd cheap-seat concert or movie when they can afford it. All the while, he is, to use his own phrasing, “higher than f**k”. When her father and I refused to let them do drugs around our home, with younger and impressionable cousins around her and him, that was the beginning of the end. Did I mention that her uncle and aunt were the last of the hold-outs and the only ones who would agree to still be in their presence in spite of the many insults that this moron had given to everyone? No one else wanted them around especially, him.
Since the Estrangement, I had been reaching out to her, trying to appeal to the child that I’d raised, given everything to that she wanted, put through University for a degree and even bought a car. The list is endless but, led to us having to scramble to pay bills after having done so. The appeals have gone nowhere. This is the state of many parents and it’s without cause for the most part.
So do parents of estranged adult children have the right to finally speak up? You bet that they do!
If parents have gone to the extents that I have gone to, weren’t abusive, negligent etc. and everything else that these kids can throw at the situation, it’s high time that parents started to speak up and out. Not only is it like a death but, it’s rejection at its best by these kids and undeserved for the most part.
Yes, of course, there are those cases of abuse, neglect, substance abuse, narcissism etc. but, we’re NOT talking about those cases here. We’re talking about those who have done nothing truly horrible and don’t know or undersand why their child has taken this stance and the child cannot explain it or recites some sort of false, regurgitated spiels from another source. Either they have believed it because it’s convincing or, they want to believe it because they’re getting more from that sounce than what they believe that they could get from the parent(s) that they’ve estranged themselves from.
Either way, I am not perfect. I have warts, flaws, faults etc.. Should I blame them on my parents? Should my parents have blamed it upon their parents and their parents on their parents? Where does the blame end? Where does the shame end? Where do parents take back their own lives and selves and become healthier again? When does the grieving end? It began the day that these kids walked out and never returned. It has to end somewhere. Why not speak out about it? After-all, what’s good for the gander is good for the goose too.
Be well, Love and Light,
Have a GREAT day or evening!