My old high school is burning down. I cried myself into a stupor yesterday while it continues to burn today. We were nearly evacuated from a home that has become nothing but a shell due to burst water pipes and a contracting company that was hired by the insurance company that we’ve been paying without fail, who caused secondary damages. Top that off with the fact that our only child, daughter has estranged herself from her father and I, our car broke down, we’ve given more money than we truly had to family. This is all on top of having had 5 surgeries which have created their own issues, friends who are not available or wanting to call or help us out, family who are either dead, unable or unwilling to help and, you’ve got a few good reasons for my mini-breakdown.
I recently called out to our estranged daughter for the hundreth time and she didn’t respond at all. We needed help. We couldn’t even get out to get groceries. No one, not a soul, was available to or for us. During times of need, we realized how distanced we’ve been shoved from others whom we’ve helped out when they’ve been in need. There wasn’t even a whisper of thought towards where we would go, no money, two pets during this time of need and yet, we would have taken everyone else in had the shoe been on the other foot.
My family for generations has attended the burning school house. It’s a heritage building that is filled with memorabilia as well as being what reporters have called, a school within a cenotaph. Not only were my own photos of myself on stage there, burned out but, those of my deceased parents, a passed on brother and a mural that my estranged daughter had done, has all been wiped out. It’s likely due to someone who truly needs mental health care or, by someone who has been paid off to start fires on behalf of some developer who wants to see the area become a mass of condominium buildings because it sits on a large prime piece of land.
What had me crying and near tears as I type this out is that not only were we in a bad spot but, generations worth of valuable memorials have been destroyed, lost forever. Add to that the losses that we’ve suffered or realized.
My family home has become unrecognizable with additions that have turned it into a 21st century castle. As I drove up my old street, I realized that there was no one left around that I had grown up with and once knew. Everyone had moved out of the area. Why was I still here? What was my husband still hanging onto? I had wanted out a long time ago but, between my husband, his family who are all deceased now and my daughter who has chosen to estrange herself from everyone else for someone who has isolated himself from even his own family, there is only my husband and myself left to live in the area, no help, shell of a house, no friends, no family and yet, here we are.
I have long ago chosen to move. It’s not that I can run from myself, my memories or those we’ve lost but, the high school burning down now, along with the realization that there’s no one willing to help us out, has given me the kick that I’ve needed to get out. There’s nothing left here for me anymore. Perhaps, somewhere new will bring a new start? Maybe, it’s time that every inch of the area and house, not contain memories that don’t seem to resemble anything that I remember? No matter which way I look at it all, I have nothing to lose by leaving this area and home now. It’s just time to do so and who knows? It may be that I will decide to move as far away as I can get, make new friends, join new groups and find people who truly do care versus mouthing the words, “let me know if there’s anything that I can do”, hoping that I never ask for anything. Heaven only knows, when one does, no one is willing to even pick up a phone to see how we’re doing. Enough is enough. This was the final push for me, husband with me or not.
Hope that you’re having a better time of things.
Be well, Love and Light,
Have a GREAT day or evening.