They Say You Want A Revolution: Why It May Be Time For Parents of Estranged Adult Children To Revolt


Does anyone remember the 1960’s and how it was that the Hippies went into a hedonistic lifestyle, filled with rock and roll, drugs and no one wanted to or, was sober enough to be capable of doing the work necessary to live a semi-decent life? Perhaps, you were a Hippy and remember that “love”, “peace” and flowers in your hair type of attitude? If you did, it may be that you’re seeing some type of similarities between the 1960’s Hippies and a revolution that was attempted to be started.

To show that estrangement is the new Hippy Movement against authoritarianism but, backed by the authorities and Society.
Like The Hippy Movement, Estrangement Is A Revolt or Revolution

The bottom line from my understanding of this movement was to be anti-establishment and revolt against those who stood in conventional authoritarian roles in Society. While not a Hippy, myself, I knew many who followed that type of thinking. It all eventually failed miserably when the Hippy generation had to quit and became “The Establishment”.

While there are good and bad messages that every movement has and can send out, sometimes it simply gets carried above and beyond the message or, more aptly stated, to the point of foiling itself because its message was taken far too far. It’s next to the idea of Political Correctness having gone to the point of being destructive rather than constructive.

Everyone May Have A Point To Make

It’s normal for everyone to have their qualms and dislikes, likes and wants. We all have them but, when has a point been taken too far?

Answer: When that point becomes obnoxious and creates more issues in and of itself than it solves.

This was the case with the Hippy Movement as well as many others that have either seen the light of day or, are arising faster than Society can make new laws, rules or regulations to soothe the qualms of one faction or another.

The reality is that “Estrangement” has become trendy or a fad unbeknownst to many who do it. While the Estrangement Movement may have had a point to make originally, it’s now become a bone of contention and goes against the fabric if no true abuse or neglect has been party to it. Though many will attempt to stamp labels onto their parent’s foreheads, many estranged adults don’t know the true meanings of said labels nor, know what type of destruction their actions are wreaking upon not only their families but, Society as a whole. It’s now becoming a trend to see parents without adult children more with each passing day. It’s now, no longer a point but, rather an annoyance which is pitting one side against another with a chasm in between.

There’s A Good Reason For Parents To Finally Speak Up

A lot of parents have sat back in pain, confusion, upset, hurt and blaming themselves silly. Most have kept quiet and not said much out of fear of their little power-hungry darlings who are now truly well into adulthood, finding out and giving more retribution than they already have done. These parents are more locking themselves into corners, mouths, hands and feet tied out of fear, stigma and for other reasons.

Reality and experience is stating now that enough is enough. Much like the 1960’s Hippy Movement, a lot more parents every day are realizing that the methods of getting their estranged adults to come back into their lives, doled out by the “experts” are not working. There’s a reason why they don’t. These adults or “kids” have all of the power over their parents and on one level or another, they know it. They aren’t about to relinquish it easily or at all.

This is where it’s time for parents to recognize that their estranged adults do not have total power and, many of them have not only falsely slapped labels upon their parent’s heads but, they have Society backing them in doing so. Of course, we know that Society will endorse anything where there’s a backlash or uprising to squash it. It will give that group or groups whatever it is that they want if there’s enough demand for it.

Sadly, this is where parents have lost out because there are far too many out there who are willing to have duct tape put across their mouths and eyes so as not to cause a stir in a volitile situation. However, this is also where parents have been losing the war. We have all sat back quietly, out of fear, hoping that if we’re “good enough”, our adults will find it in their hearts to come back. At the least, many parents will deal with the hurt, pain, grief, sorrow and self-blame, estranged adult blame while churning ourselves inside out as both people and parents. We’ll do so without questioning anyone else except ourselves.

Unless parents were to speak up, this is how they will spend most of their remaining days on this planet. They will forever be at the mercy of both their estranged adult children and Society as well as being in pain of one kind or another while standing at the precipice of a great divide that their estranged adult children have caused, created or been helped to create by others as well as from within their imaginations, journals or even an “expert’s” office. Remember that many of these professionals have had little to no real education towards dealing with estrangement. What little time may or may not have been spent in a classroom on the topic, is of little, if any use in aiding a resolution of any kind. It’s more than likely nothing more than a pacifier that parents are being handed. Meanwhile, Society along with the “experts” are handing our estranged adults bazookas to handle a fly.

Parents Need To Speak Up And Take Back Some Power

Society long ago, handed children what we now know was Carte Blanche and a power that no one foresaw as being so destructive to these adults as well as their parents and family life. With word spreading more like wildfire throughout the adult-child communities, estrangement has become the go-to method of dealing with their issues or those of others. It’s also become a temper tantrum method for these adults whereby, complete disappearances from their parent’s lives as well as shirking responsibilities towards an aging population other than for pay, has seen an unbelievable growth in the numbers of estrangements that occur yearly as well as the reasonings for it, being broadened greatly. In other words, Society has backed itself into a corner, our adult offspring as well as us with it’s eagerness to be Politically Correct.

Has anyone noticed that there are few, if any, support groups for parents of estranged adult children? Bereavement groups either won’t accept parents into them or, parents are forced to resort to online groups as well as keeping their mouths shut and enduring the pain with little to no real help out there for us. Not even the “experts” can help us in this type of predicament because so little is understood. The message remains the same. “It’s the parent’s faults”.

Well, it’s time for parents to stand up to Society, these estranged adults and the movement in general and say, “whoa! Enough is enough. I/we didn’t do enough to cause this so, cut the crap and get off of your high horses!”

Sadly, because so many are still caught up with the idea that if we are good enough, quiet enough, apologize enough, we’ll someone magically, end up with our estranged children coming back into our lives. In some cases, it will naturally happen but, for most of us, it will take an uprising of parents in this situation to stage a revolt of sorts towards Society, the “expert’s” less than helpful advice to both sides and a demand by parents that something be done to help out parents rather than blaming and shaming us all as a huge group.

While I am not one to normally create a stir in anything, let alone anyone, the hurt, pain, grief, sorrow and self-questioning, not to mention research, “expert’s” ill advice, lack of groups to belong to, blame, shame and much more, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that the inpatients are running the psychiatric facility. It’s high time that parents spoke up. We don’t need more and more and more of hard luck stories to commiserate with one anoher. While it helps to know that we’re not alone in these situations, it’s not enough. We need to stand head to head, shoulder to should, toe to toe and uprise with our voices. Now is the time for all good parents to come together to aid one another the way that our estranged adults have both had done for them and within themselves.

Estrangement when true abuse is not there, is unwarranted. Rise up!

Be well, Love and Light,

Have a GREAT day or evening!

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6 thoughts on “They Say You Want A Revolution: Why It May Be Time For Parents of Estranged Adult Children To Revolt

Add yours

  1. I really don’t know how to respond to this.

    On one hand, yes, the estrangement is the latest trendy thing in which these “adults” are participating, but “rising up angry” as they used to call it is not going to change much.

    I know what true abuse is. I grew up in a family that is so toxic, it glows in the dark. Two of us escaped the poison, the rest continue to spread the pain. I protected my kids from it, yet this is what I get in return.

    So no, “We’re not gonna take it – NO! We ain’t gonna take it,” but I feel no need to start marches and protests, because against what will we march and protest?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually, there is no way to “march” on this. What I wish though is that parents are aware of the fact that adult children are simply people who are filled with warts, flaws and warts too. Their pain of estrangement is far worse than anything we could have done to them UNLESS there was abuse involved in some fashion.

      I get it that you are estranged from your family and why. I also grew up ABUSED but, did NOT estrange. Instead, I chose to put down guidelines (substance abuse) and *IF* there was an issue, I stayed distant. (I had 2 brothers who were also dealing with the same issue and both chose not to estrange but, distance themselves as much as they could as well). HUGS for that abuse. I know what that feels like as well as I got it all ways (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually).

      As soon as I was able to leave that home, I did and went directly for help…professional help so as to NEVER treat my future husband or children (should I have either) the way that we all got treated. My father did leave eventually to save himself. I didn’t treat my daughter the way that I was treated so, I never expected this either from her. I can see both sides of the coin as a mother and an abused child then, adult. I KNOW that I did NOT abuse my daughter in any way and that I’ve seen her do this with 3 other men as well who were all maladjusted in Life. This one is the most dysfunctional though of the 3 of them.

      In short, NO, there is no real way to “march” or protest other than to get the word out there that this is a fad/trend with falsehoods that need to stop. I think that getting the word out to parents is the way to do it so that fewer are taken in by this type of thing or blaming themselves.

      HUGE HUGS XO XO XO

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Beth, get the word out to others in groups that you may belong to. Tell others that this “estrangement” idea is a fad/trend amongst adults who decide that they don’t like something or want to justify their actions or lack of them (as long as TRUE abuse isn’t at play).

      We need to get the word out to the “experts” that half or better of what they hear is false or created by others and that they shouldn’t take an estranged adult at their word solely. They ALSO need to STOP perpetuating the idea that 1) estrangement is justified by the adult 2) labels placed upon parent’s foreheads by these adults are incorrectly slapped onto parents, without NET diagnosis 3) stop adding terms and labels onto parents for those adults (without a real diagnosis made by them) 4) offer up other ways of dealing with their dislikes/life issues 5) parents are NOT responsible for their every flaw, fault or wart so, stop blaming parents for everything that can go wrong in their lives.

      There’s a lot more but, it’s more a metaphorical thing to get the word out there until estrangement and this pain that we’re going through, has little power over these adults because it doesn’t work.

      We all live in different countries, different laws etc. and there’s nothing that parents can really do to ADULTS (which is what they are now). There’s no way to “march” so to speak nor, would it do any good anyway. But, getting the word out there IS what is a “revolution”. In other words, “we’re not gonna take it anymore” type thinking.

      HUGE HUGS XO XO XO

      Liked by 1 person

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