They Say You Want A Revolution: Why It May Be Time For Parents of Estranged Adult Children To Revolt


Does anyone remember the 1960’s and how it was that the Hippies went into a hedonistic lifestyle, filled with rock and roll, drugs and no one wanted to or, was sober enough to be capable of doing the work necessary to live a semi-decent life? Perhaps, you were a Hippy and remember that “love”, “peace” and flowers in your hair type of attitude? If you did, it may be that you’re seeing some type of similarities between the 1960’s Hippies and a revolution that was attempted to be started.

To show that estrangement is the new Hippy Movement against authoritarianism but, backed by the authorities and Society.
Like The Hippy Movement, Estrangement Is A Revolt or Revolution

The bottom line from my understanding of this movement was to be anti-establishment and revolt against those who stood in conventional authoritarian roles in Society. While not a Hippy, myself, I knew many who followed that type of thinking. It all eventually failed miserably when the Hippy generation had to quit and became “The Establishment”.

While there are good and bad messages that every movement has and can send out, sometimes it simply gets carried above and beyond the message or, more aptly stated, to the point of foiling itself because its message was taken far too far. It’s next to the idea of Political Correctness having gone to the point of being destructive rather than constructive.

Everyone May Have A Point To Make

It’s normal for everyone to have their qualms and dislikes, likes and wants. We all have them but, when has a point been taken too far?

Answer: When that point becomes obnoxious and creates more issues in and of itself than it solves.

This was the case with the Hippy Movement as well as many others that have either seen the light of day or, are arising faster than Society can make new laws, rules or regulations to soothe the qualms of one faction or another.

The reality is that “Estrangement” has become trendy or a fad unbeknownst to many who do it. While the Estrangement Movement may have had a point to make originally, it’s now become a bone of contention and goes against the fabric if no true abuse or neglect has been party to it. Though many will attempt to stamp labels onto their parent’s foreheads, many estranged adults don’t know the true meanings of said labels nor, know what type of destruction their actions are wreaking upon not only their families but, Society as a whole. It’s now becoming a trend to see parents without adult children more with each passing day. It’s now, no longer a point but, rather an annoyance which is pitting one side against another with a chasm in between.

There’s A Good Reason For Parents To Finally Speak Up

A lot of parents have sat back in pain, confusion, upset, hurt and blaming themselves silly. Most have kept quiet and not said much out of fear of their little power-hungry darlings who are now truly well into adulthood, finding out and giving more retribution than they already have done. These parents are more locking themselves into corners, mouths, hands and feet tied out of fear, stigma and for other reasons.

Reality and experience is stating now that enough is enough. Much like the 1960’s Hippy Movement, a lot more parents every day are realizing that the methods of getting their estranged adults to come back into their lives, doled out by the “experts” are not working. There’s a reason why they don’t. These adults or “kids” have all of the power over their parents and on one level or another, they know it. They aren’t about to relinquish it easily or at all.

This is where it’s time for parents to recognize that their estranged adults do not have total power and, many of them have not only falsely slapped labels upon their parent’s heads but, they have Society backing them in doing so. Of course, we know that Society will endorse anything where there’s a backlash or uprising to squash it. It will give that group or groups whatever it is that they want if there’s enough demand for it.

Sadly, this is where parents have lost out because there are far too many out there who are willing to have duct tape put across their mouths and eyes so as not to cause a stir in a volitile situation. However, this is also where parents have been losing the war. We have all sat back quietly, out of fear, hoping that if we’re “good enough”, our adults will find it in their hearts to come back. At the least, many parents will deal with the hurt, pain, grief, sorrow and self-blame, estranged adult blame while churning ourselves inside out as both people and parents. We’ll do so without questioning anyone else except ourselves.

Unless parents were to speak up, this is how they will spend most of their remaining days on this planet. They will forever be at the mercy of both their estranged adult children and Society as well as being in pain of one kind or another while standing at the precipice of a great divide that their estranged adult children have caused, created or been helped to create by others as well as from within their imaginations, journals or even an “expert’s” office. Remember that many of these professionals have had little to no real education towards dealing with estrangement. What little time may or may not have been spent in a classroom on the topic, is of little, if any use in aiding a resolution of any kind. It’s more than likely nothing more than a pacifier that parents are being handed. Meanwhile, Society along with the “experts” are handing our estranged adults bazookas to handle a fly.

Parents Need To Speak Up And Take Back Some Power

Society long ago, handed children what we now know was Carte Blanche and a power that no one foresaw as being so destructive to these adults as well as their parents and family life. With word spreading more like wildfire throughout the adult-child communities, estrangement has become the go-to method of dealing with their issues or those of others. It’s also become a temper tantrum method for these adults whereby, complete disappearances from their parent’s lives as well as shirking responsibilities towards an aging population other than for pay, has seen an unbelievable growth in the numbers of estrangements that occur yearly as well as the reasonings for it, being broadened greatly. In other words, Society has backed itself into a corner, our adult offspring as well as us with it’s eagerness to be Politically Correct.

Has anyone noticed that there are few, if any, support groups for parents of estranged adult children? Bereavement groups either won’t accept parents into them or, parents are forced to resort to online groups as well as keeping their mouths shut and enduring the pain with little to no real help out there for us. Not even the “experts” can help us in this type of predicament because so little is understood. The message remains the same. “It’s the parent’s faults”.

Well, it’s time for parents to stand up to Society, these estranged adults and the movement in general and say, “whoa! Enough is enough. I/we didn’t do enough to cause this so, cut the crap and get off of your high horses!”

Sadly, because so many are still caught up with the idea that if we are good enough, quiet enough, apologize enough, we’ll someone magically, end up with our estranged children coming back into our lives. In some cases, it will naturally happen but, for most of us, it will take an uprising of parents in this situation to stage a revolt of sorts towards Society, the “expert’s” less than helpful advice to both sides and a demand by parents that something be done to help out parents rather than blaming and shaming us all as a huge group.

While I am not one to normally create a stir in anything, let alone anyone, the hurt, pain, grief, sorrow and self-questioning, not to mention research, “expert’s” ill advice, lack of groups to belong to, blame, shame and much more, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that the inpatients are running the psychiatric facility. It’s high time that parents spoke up. We don’t need more and more and more of hard luck stories to commiserate with one anoher. While it helps to know that we’re not alone in these situations, it’s not enough. We need to stand head to head, shoulder to should, toe to toe and uprise with our voices. Now is the time for all good parents to come together to aid one another the way that our estranged adults have both had done for them and within themselves.

Estrangement when true abuse is not there, is unwarranted. Rise up!

Be well, Love and Light,

Have a GREAT day or evening!

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11 thoughts on “They Say You Want A Revolution: Why It May Be Time For Parents of Estranged Adult Children To Revolt

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  1. I love this article. I have an online support group I run for parents of estranged adult children and alienated grandparents. I focus the support on getting parents to stop blaming themselves and to give up the guilt. I want them to strive to thrive and I advise them not to put up with any kind of verbal abuse, or physical abuse for that matter. Many have become activists and post on social media about estrangement, along with educating people they know and meet. Some in my group are speaking out. I have members from all western countries, and there are millions of estranged parents. In my research, I have found online groups and websites where adult children are actually taught how to set their parents up for estrangement. A Sister P….. writes books on how to do this as well and claims all estranged parents have to be abusive. Her books are read by the wives of celebrities who want to find a reason to rid themselves of their husband’s parents. Daughter-in-laws are on the list of the top 3 types of estrangers. There is a whole movement supporting and educating others on why they should estrange their parents. I find it diabolical, and as I worked in the mental health field before retirement, I know most therapists have no clue about any of this. And I will offer this, and it often isn’t accepted by some estranged parents, but after years of working in the estrangement community, it is western societies current progressive values and attitudes that are creating a lot of family estrangement. Children grow up bombarded with liberal ideas from the time they enter kindergarten till they finish college. The media also plays an enormous part in indoctrinating people to discard family values. You don’t have to “march’ to revolt. There are documentaries you can support through donations, and you should be supporting legislation for shared or 50/50 parenting as it is also beneficial to alienated grandparents. You can speak out on social media and you can educate your friends. The most important thing you can do to revolt is to refuse to allow your estranged adult children to disrespect you or cowtow to their ridiculous demands. Live your lives and let them go. Don’t chase them and don’t apologize. If you gave your children a home, provided them with the essentials, gave them an education, and told them you loved them on occasion, you did your job as a parent. They need to respect you and treat you decently or they can shove off. You deserve have a life of as much contentment as you can find. Sometimes the greatest revolt is to just say, “No.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Candace, I totally agree with you! I was watching a video done by someone who has written books to “EAC” and it was virtually not only a “how to” style mentality but, also giving them “reasons for estrangement”. It disgusted me to see. As you’ve so wisely said, many “professionals” are NOT aware of what to do with this type of action (which has become a totally needless action in most circumstances nowadays and an epidemic). Because of their own ineptitude, online presences, these forums, groups etc. that these adults can go into and get info, this has become an epidemic and is growing. Of course, it’s always “the parent’s fault”. Parents are told to go inward and look at what they’ve “done wrong”. Most of us cannot even get direct answers from our adults as even they don’t really know. The “experts” are not only pretty clueless about this subject/topic but, many of them AID these adults in estranging. One key phrase or word is taken to extremes for these adults who estrange themselves.

      I say, “revolt” as well! I tell parents to stop caving into these tactics (unless TRUE abuse were to have taken place) and these “experts” who dole out advice that makes situations worse.

      Thank you for your comment! It’s TRULY appreciated!!! XO XO XO

      Like

  2. Right on! I am ready to make this closet case of estrangement public and fight back for our own self-esteem, etc. that has been torn down bit by bit by our entitled adult children.
    The difference between the hippies and the young adult generation today is that we were poor and free spirited. We didn’t hate our parents, we just wanted to express a different lifestyle rhat was free of sterotype middle class family norms. Most of us never completely estranged ourselves from our parents or siblings. We just out trying to live out our ideals of peace and love without parental rule. Actually harmless as compared to the estrangenment today by adult children. Today the adult children are not poor, they are career driven and have more income than we ever did as youn adults. They are self suffecient financially and I believe that leads to less need to depend on parents and to self entitlement. They have become narcisstic and only care about their own feelings. They don’t empathize with anyone. Hard & cold. Yes, it is a revolution, but one of selfishness and cruelness towards the people that love them the most and unconditionally. We need to let society know this has become a major epidemic and is breaking down family dynamics of respect for each other, . How can we be a peaceful, loving world if our children are continously estranging themselves from us? What happened to family counseling, or just being open to duscussing family problems face to face? Estrangement for these young adults is an excuse and easy way out of having relationships. They are cowards and do not want to face issues with discussion. We need to ban together to stop this destructive path of adult child eatrangement!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Alison, I totally agree with you on a lot of points you’ve made for all sorts of reasons. Unfortunately, a lot of parents are caught up in the idea that parents are somehow to blame. It’s only with “awakening” that they will figure out that it’s not them but, Society and our adults who have changed the “game” to the point where it’s at now.

      Many parents won’t budge towards doing anything constructive to make awareness with even the professionals/”experts” more open to changing their beliefs, methods etc.. These parents prefer to sit back and hope vs taking on some sort of responsibility. Of course, I do NOT mean a traditional protest method as we all live in different countries etc. and there are so many parents who either aren’t aware of this type of blog or YouTube channel etc.. Even if they are, they sit back in “fear” of violating their adult’s lives or, in making things worse somehow. I figure that we cannot get “worse” than nothing, can we? Still, they sit back in hope that their adults will have an epiphany somehow if they remain silent enough, long enough. I hope, for their sakes, that they are right but, I’m seeing for myself that there’s more problems, more estrangements, more anger etc. by doing nothing. It takes a few brave souls like you and others in here as well as my YouTube channel to express the hurt, anger, differences etc. to get anywhere.

      Thank you ever so much for your thoughts. I truly appreciate them and hope that others will follow suit. HUGE HUGS XO XO XO

      Like

      1. Thank you for posting my comments. Let me know if you need anymore to get the issue out in the open. I have nothing to loose or fear. Like you said it can’t get any worse than it already is:( ❤️✌️

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I really don’t know how to respond to this.

    On one hand, yes, the estrangement is the latest trendy thing in which these “adults” are participating, but “rising up angry” as they used to call it is not going to change much.

    I know what true abuse is. I grew up in a family that is so toxic, it glows in the dark. Two of us escaped the poison, the rest continue to spread the pain. I protected my kids from it, yet this is what I get in return.

    So no, “We’re not gonna take it – NO! We ain’t gonna take it,” but I feel no need to start marches and protests, because against what will we march and protest?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually, there is no way to “march” on this. What I wish though is that parents are aware of the fact that adult children are simply people who are filled with warts, flaws and warts too. Their pain of estrangement is far worse than anything we could have done to them UNLESS there was abuse involved in some fashion.

      I get it that you are estranged from your family and why. I also grew up ABUSED but, did NOT estrange. Instead, I chose to put down guidelines (substance abuse) and *IF* there was an issue, I stayed distant. (I had 2 brothers who were also dealing with the same issue and both chose not to estrange but, distance themselves as much as they could as well). HUGS for that abuse. I know what that feels like as well as I got it all ways (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually).

      As soon as I was able to leave that home, I did and went directly for help…professional help so as to NEVER treat my future husband or children (should I have either) the way that we all got treated. My father did leave eventually to save himself. I didn’t treat my daughter the way that I was treated so, I never expected this either from her. I can see both sides of the coin as a mother and an abused child then, adult. I KNOW that I did NOT abuse my daughter in any way and that I’ve seen her do this with 3 other men as well who were all maladjusted in Life. This one is the most dysfunctional though of the 3 of them.

      In short, NO, there is no real way to “march” or protest other than to get the word out there that this is a fad/trend with falsehoods that need to stop. I think that getting the word out to parents is the way to do it so that fewer are taken in by this type of thing or blaming themselves.

      HUGE HUGS XO XO XO

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Beth, get the word out to others in groups that you may belong to. Tell others that this “estrangement” idea is a fad/trend amongst adults who decide that they don’t like something or want to justify their actions or lack of them (as long as TRUE abuse isn’t at play).

      We need to get the word out to the “experts” that half or better of what they hear is false or created by others and that they shouldn’t take an estranged adult at their word solely. They ALSO need to STOP perpetuating the idea that 1) estrangement is justified by the adult 2) labels placed upon parent’s foreheads by these adults are incorrectly slapped onto parents, without NET diagnosis 3) stop adding terms and labels onto parents for those adults (without a real diagnosis made by them) 4) offer up other ways of dealing with their dislikes/life issues 5) parents are NOT responsible for their every flaw, fault or wart so, stop blaming parents for everything that can go wrong in their lives.

      There’s a lot more but, it’s more a metaphorical thing to get the word out there until estrangement and this pain that we’re going through, has little power over these adults because it doesn’t work.

      We all live in different countries, different laws etc. and there’s nothing that parents can really do to ADULTS (which is what they are now). There’s no way to “march” so to speak nor, would it do any good anyway. But, getting the word out there IS what is a “revolution”. In other words, “we’re not gonna take it anymore” type thinking.

      HUGE HUGS XO XO XO

      Liked by 1 person

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