They Say You Want A Revolution: Why It May Be Time For Parents of Estranged Adult Children To Revolt

Does anyone remember the 1960’s and how it was that the Hippies went into a hedonistic lifestyle, filled with rock and roll, drugs and no one wanted to or, was sober enough to be capable of doing the work necessary to live a semi-decent life? Perhaps, you were a Hippy and remember that “love”, “peace” and flowers in your hair type of attitude? If you did, it may be that you’re seeing some type of similarities between the 1960’s Hippies and a revolution that was attempted to be started.

To show that estrangement is the new Hippy Movement against authoritarianism but, backed by the authorities and Society.
Like The Hippy Movement, Estrangement Is A Revolt or Revolution

The bottom line from my understanding of this movement was to be anti-establishment and revolt against those who stood in conventional authoritarian roles in Society. While not a Hippy, myself, I knew many who followed that type of thinking. It all eventually failed miserably when the Hippy generation had to quit and became “The Establishment”.

While there are good and bad messages that every movement has and can send out, sometimes it simply gets carried above and beyond the message or, more aptly stated, to the point of foiling itself because its message was taken far too far. It’s next to the idea of Political Correctness having gone to the point of being destructive rather than constructive.

Everyone May Have A Point To Make

It’s normal for everyone to have their qualms and dislikes, likes and wants. We all have them but, when has a point been taken too far?

Answer: When that point becomes obnoxious and creates more issues in and of itself than it solves.

This was the case with the Hippy Movement as well as many others that have either seen the light of day or, are arising faster than Society can make new laws, rules or regulations to soothe the qualms of one faction or another.

The reality is that “Estrangement” has become trendy or a fad unbeknownst to many who do it. While the Estrangement Movement may have had a point to make originally, it’s now become a bone of contention and goes against the fabric if no true abuse or neglect has been party to it. Though many will attempt to stamp labels onto their parent’s foreheads, many estranged adults don’t know the true meanings of said labels nor, know what type of destruction their actions are wreaking upon not only their families but, Society as a whole. It’s now becoming a trend to see parents without adult children more with each passing day. It’s now, no longer a point but, rather an annoyance which is pitting one side against another with a chasm in between.

There’s A Good Reason For Parents To Finally Speak Up

A lot of parents have sat back in pain, confusion, upset, hurt and blaming themselves silly. Most have kept quiet and not said much out of fear of their little power-hungry darlings who are now truly well into adulthood, finding out and giving more retribution than they already have done. These parents are more locking themselves into corners, mouths, hands and feet tied out of fear, stigma and for other reasons.

Reality and experience is stating now that enough is enough. Much like the 1960’s Hippy Movement, a lot more parents every day are realizing that the methods of getting their estranged adults to come back into their lives, doled out by the “experts” are not working. There’s a reason why they don’t. These adults or “kids” have all of the power over their parents and on one level or another, they know it. They aren’t about to relinquish it easily or at all.

This is where it’s time for parents to recognize that their estranged adults do not have total power and, many of them have not only falsely slapped labels upon their parent’s heads but, they have Society backing them in doing so. Of course, we know that Society will endorse anything where there’s a backlash or uprising to squash it. It will give that group or groups whatever it is that they want if there’s enough demand for it.

Sadly, this is where parents have lost out because there are far too many out there who are willing to have duct tape put across their mouths and eyes so as not to cause a stir in a volitile situation. However, this is also where parents have been losing the war. We have all sat back quietly, out of fear, hoping that if we’re “good enough”, our adults will find it in their hearts to come back. At the least, many parents will deal with the hurt, pain, grief, sorrow and self-blame, estranged adult blame while churning ourselves inside out as both people and parents. We’ll do so without questioning anyone else except ourselves.

Unless parents were to speak up, this is how they will spend most of their remaining days on this planet. They will forever be at the mercy of both their estranged adult children and Society as well as being in pain of one kind or another while standing at the precipice of a great divide that their estranged adult children have caused, created or been helped to create by others as well as from within their imaginations, journals or even an “expert’s” office. Remember that many of these professionals have had little to no real education towards dealing with estrangement. What little time may or may not have been spent in a classroom on the topic, is of little, if any use in aiding a resolution of any kind. It’s more than likely nothing more than a pacifier that parents are being handed. Meanwhile, Society along with the “experts” are handing our estranged adults bazookas to handle a fly.

Parents Need To Speak Up And Take Back Some Power

Society long ago, handed children what we now know was Carte Blanche and a power that no one foresaw as being so destructive to these adults as well as their parents and family life. With word spreading more like wildfire throughout the adult-child communities, estrangement has become the go-to method of dealing with their issues or those of others. It’s also become a temper tantrum method for these adults whereby, complete disappearances from their parent’s lives as well as shirking responsibilities towards an aging population other than for pay, has seen an unbelievable growth in the numbers of estrangements that occur yearly as well as the reasonings for it, being broadened greatly. In other words, Society has backed itself into a corner, our adult offspring as well as us with it’s eagerness to be Politically Correct.

Has anyone noticed that there are few, if any, support groups for parents of estranged adult children? Bereavement groups either won’t accept parents into them or, parents are forced to resort to online groups as well as keeping their mouths shut and enduring the pain with little to no real help out there for us. Not even the “experts” can help us in this type of predicament because so little is understood. The message remains the same. “It’s the parent’s faults”.

Well, it’s time for parents to stand up to Society, these estranged adults and the movement in general and say, “whoa! Enough is enough. I/we didn’t do enough to cause this so, cut the crap and get off of your high horses!”

Sadly, because so many are still caught up with the idea that if we are good enough, quiet enough, apologize enough, we’ll someone magically, end up with our estranged children coming back into our lives. In some cases, it will naturally happen but, for most of us, it will take an uprising of parents in this situation to stage a revolt of sorts towards Society, the “expert’s” less than helpful advice to both sides and a demand by parents that something be done to help out parents rather than blaming and shaming us all as a huge group.

While I am not one to normally create a stir in anything, let alone anyone, the hurt, pain, grief, sorrow and self-questioning, not to mention research, “expert’s” ill advice, lack of groups to belong to, blame, shame and much more, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that the inpatients are running the psychiatric facility. It’s high time that parents spoke up. We don’t need more and more and more of hard luck stories to commiserate with one anoher. While it helps to know that we’re not alone in these situations, it’s not enough. We need to stand head to head, shoulder to should, toe to toe and uprise with our voices. Now is the time for all good parents to come together to aid one another the way that our estranged adults have both had done for them and within themselves.

Estrangement when true abuse is not there, is unwarranted. Rise up!

Be well, Love and Light,

Have a GREAT day or evening!

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

37 thoughts on “They Say You Want A Revolution: Why It May Be Time For Parents of Estranged Adult Children To Revolt

  1. (Sorry, some typos in first comment. Said 26 year old son instead of 16)

    What to do when they are not yet out of there teens? When they cut you off at 17? When they get government benefits and when they claim it is “unsafe” to live at home they get double benefits over $400 a fortnight. My main concern is her convincing the younger siblings we are abusive. Our 19 year old now has her 17 year old brother living with her and she is trying to convince 16 year old brother that we don’t love him and how bad we really are. She also pretends to be really concerned about her 11 year old brother and 9 year old sister. I know she has them in her sights. Yes, we have 6 children. Our eldest is 20 and is the complete opposite of her 19 year old sister. 19 year old is out to destroy our family to justify herself and prove that the problem is us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What to do when they are not yet out of there teens? When they cut you off at 17? When they get government benefits and when they claim it is “unsafe” to live at home they get double benefits over $400 a fortnight. My main concern is her convincing the younger siblings we are abusive. Our 19 year old now has her 17 year old brother living with her and she is trying to convince 26 year old brother that we don’t love him and how bad we really are. She also pretends to be really concerned about her 11 year old brother and 9 year old sister. I know she has them in her sites. Yes, we have 6 children. She is out to destroy our family to justify herself and prove that the problem is us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sally, I am so very sorry that you’re in this predicament. It’s not what ANY parent wants, is it?

      First of all, your 17 year old is not of the age to make up their own mind with a fully grown/adult mind, are they? The mere fact that your once 17 year old was able to get government benefits by telling them that it was unsafe to be at home, means often times that it’s a “red tape” type of thing in order to get the benefits as I’m sure you’re aware (though every government is different).

      When you mention that she may convince her younger siblings that you are abusive, one thing springs to mind here. It *may* (depending on local laws where you are of course) be possible to have a “Peace Bond” or something similar placed upon her to stop her from having any contact with her younger siblings. Of course, we also know that her younger siblings could potentially hate you for having done that so that they have no contact with her. That’s always a gamble.

      I guess that perhaps, given the circumstances of your children, you may want to do 2 things:

      1). Seek out counselling for yourself
      2). Seek out counselling for yourself and your remaining children, offering to help the 26 year old son to do the same with him? (ie: Joint counselling)??? At the least, that shows your son that you DO care enough to get counselling and kind of counters your 19 year old daughter’s influences over him by showing him your willingness to get help for all of you.
      3). If nothing else works, getting counselling for yourself may prove to your younger children that you’re seriously considering any possibilities that may be there (even if they aren’t) and that you’re willing to listen to what they have to say at the very least even if it’s all twisted around to justify their actions.

      It’s sounding to me as though your daughter truly has the issue (mental health/control issues) vs it being a reality with you as parents. That given, you cannot convince her that it’s HER and not you. You can only truly try to salvage your other children. Sadly, your estranged daughter seems to need to want help herself and if she doesn’t want it, you can’t make her want it.

      This is where you can only drill into your 26 year old son’s head that you love him and are willing to listen *IF* he has any issues with you. You may also tell him that a professional will sort it all out if he’s willing to go with you all. Beyond that, you cannot counter your daughter’s nearly 24/7 influences over him. You have to give him credit for having his own brain and capability of thinking for himself. If he chooses to ignore you and his father’s talks, you can’t change it in him. However, you DO have power over your youngest children because they are still with you/reliant upon you for everything that they have or will get.

      If I can be of more help, I am here. In the meantime, I am sending you a HUGE HUG as I know all too well what being estranged from means and feels like.

      XO XO XO


  3. What do you say when a MIL constantly degrades you, tells you not to even mention the wedding because it makes her depressed, that it’s a terrible idea, that everything that has gone wrong in life is because you “made” her son move out and she wanted him to live there until he was at least 25 (My fiance moved out at 20 to be closer to me, because I went to college 3 hours away). There’s much, much more as well, it’s just a lot to type out. She has been verbally abusive to me. Is it then wrong for me, and my fiance is thinking about doing this too because he chooses me over her as it should be, to cut her off?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that your both looking for a way to blame something or someone who may or may not be correct in her assumption that your fiance moved out to be closer to you so, there’s the possibility that you’re part of your fiance’s reasoning for estranging himself from his mother.

      I’m also saying that perhaps, the 3 hour drive away to be with you when he was 20 years of age set off alarm bells in her that were possibly your influence over her son at a reasonably young age. Did you try to disuade him from being near you when you chose to move 3 hours away to go to college? Did you have words with her that weren’t exactly peace inducing between the 2 of you? Did you even like her or did you resent her?

      Of course, there are many more questions that could be asked but, since I don’t know you, her, your fiance or your circumstances other than what you’re explaining here, I cannot say much more towards this topic other than asking you to ask yourself why your then, boyfriend would move out and away from his home and mother for you? Those are things that run through my mind at this moment.

      Be well!


      1. I left and went to school at age 18. We went 2 years with him living at home and my being down there before he chose to move. I absolutely did not try to dissuade him from moving because yes, I wanted to be near him. That said, I never ordered it either. His mother and I got along FANTASTICALLY from the time we started dating at age 16 until I was 19. I believe the reason for this may be because she realized we were serious. My fiance is an only child so I understand she is very attached to him, but he is an adult nonetheless. He moved away from his home and mother for me because we are getting married and the long distance was very difficult for both of us. I am still nice to her when I am around her until she makes a snarky comment, in which I put her in her place, usually by telling her that it is not appreciated. We have not cut her off yet, but are seriously beginning to consider it due to her treatment of me. Nothing changed in my behavior from the time she liked me until she started to dislike me. When my fiance asked her why she changed, she said she didn’t know. I understand that she may be upset that her son is growing up, but there comes a time when you need to allow your child to be an adult. My own parents had to do the same thing. Thankfully, mine did so at 18 rather than trying to control me even longer.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I think that perhaps, your fiance’s mother may see you as the “reason” for her son’s departure at such a young age. I know that to you perhaps, the age of 19 or 20 may seem like it’s an advanced age however, it’s really not. Perhaps, in your fiance’s mother’s case, she may be angry that he decided to move to be near you because you had troubles and wanted him there even if you didn’t ask him to do so. Unfortunately, it may be that in her mind, she sees you as “the reason” and would be correct according to what you’ve shared here.

          Honestly, I don’t think that it’s that her son is “growing up” as much as it is that she sees you as the defining line between her and her son. Her son is obviously going to go your way no matter what she may have to say or not say. That is a battle that is happening on an unconscious level between you and her where you may appear to her to be the one who will sway her son’s mind and she has little control over it as you hold the balance of power with her son it seems.

          When your parents “let go” so to speak at 18 years of age, it was likely because you were going towards further education as most parents at that age have to do. Did you pay for your own education or did your parents do it for you? That’s also a possible reason for your parents to have “let go” so to speak and trust me, once a child has grown and flown the nest so to speak, there’s oftentimes this change that happens within parents. They really and truly have gotten used to the idea of an adult child living elsewhere. Of course, I don’t know what your particular situation is however, I can say that I feel as though your fiance’s mother had the boom lowered on her with what may appear to her to be “control” from you. I’m sure that unless he attended college with you, this was and is a tug of war between what you wanted and needed and what she may have seen in the situation as well as her son’s decisions in favour of your needs/wants. It seems to continue on in reality as you appear to her to wear the pants with her son and her needs don’t matter to him while yours do. Again, I’m only guessing as I don’t know you, your fiance or his mother.

          You also appear to be comparing your fiance’s mother to your own parents in this comment. In other words, they’re good, she’s bad and likely (though again, I’m only guessing) she’s seen that aspect of things in you and with her son. I’m sure that she sees the potential for you to sway her son over to your family and away from her because you appear to be thinking that way in her mind.

          Did you ever stop to think that your parents may have less reason to try to control you because either they don’t see the need to do so because you’re siding with them or, because you are down on your fiance’s mother and they really and truly are relieved that someone else is going to take over the “bad guy” look so their role with you is sealed? (I am NOT putting down your parents by any means but pointing out potential reasonings for them as well. I know no one in this scenario).

          Perhaps, your fiance’s mother and you got along so swimmingly well in your younger years because she saw you as not being a threat of any kind at that point but, now, she does see you as a definite threat to her relationship with her son? Usually, when a mother sees something or someone as rather controlling over their child’s mind and choices, a mother will also sniff out or sense the idea that her child is being swayed in some way or another and will eventually, be ousted from her child’s life? I mean, you have admitted that you wanted your now, fiance near you in spite of feeling that you didn’t ask him to do so but, did you realize that perhaps, in all of your talks with him before he moved to be near you, you gave him enough signals and even outright signs that made him WANT to be near you to help you?

          In all honesty though, I can say one thing in generality only. A lot of people that I know who got married at a younger age, didn’t even know themselves as people, who they were or whatever at that age. They got married out of a need of some kind and are now divorced. Damage was done to both the people getting married as well as to their family relationships that cannot be undone now or parents have passed on in the meantime and there’s no going back in time.

          Be sure of what it is that you want and why. It’s important to realize that everyone has their own perspectives and while it all may seem right at the moment, the reality is that it may not be down the road for anyone. Be aware as well that your fiance’s mother may sense that there’s a power struggle here and it’s “depressing her” to think that you’re likely to win out with her son.

          If you TRULY want to form a relationship with her (though it may be doubtful at this point in time) you’d have to be willing to have a heart to heart with her WITHOUT her son being present at the time, tell her that you love him and whatever happens, you are not going to attempt to have him not be part of her life. Telling her that you know that he’s important to both of you and you are not going to sway him towards ousting her from his life may be what helps her to agree to this in a more amicable way. However, if you intend on separating the 2 of them even if it’s through bitterness, she will sniff it out. Mothers are like that. Your stance against her will show through. It’s your choice of course but, be aware that what may seem wonderful at this moment WILL down the road become resented by your fiance and his mother even if separately. Everyone has their feelings and points of view. Only seeing one side of it may be doing more damage than good. Tricks (if used) do NOT work down the road when “truths” come out. Be aware of that fact.

          Wishing you all of the very best!


          1. Since it’s been a year I thought I’d give you an update. My fiance is now my husband, and we’ll have been married for a year and together for 6 years in 2 days. For the wedding, his mother wore all black, down to even her jewelry and did not even say hello to me. That said, my husband chose to take my last name (His father was an abusive prick, his words not mine, and he had no pride in his last name. Plus, it was difficult to spell and pronounce, which is the reason we give to those we don’t know well). After a decent fight about it (He was excited to show her his new ID and she pitched a fit, in which he put her in her place) things have gone as well as they ever will. There have been times in which we have had to tell her to back off and that she does not have any control in either of our lives, but overall there’s nothing more than some passive-aggressive comments that get met with bluntness. Things have slowly improved as she learned that she will not meddle in our relationship and to continue doing so will result in her being cut off.


  4. So what about those adults that cut their parents off and decided to not have children because of their parents?

    I have some simple boundaries.

    I didnt and dont want anyone but my husband in the room when I am in labor and gave birth. I don’t and didnt want visitors in the hospital (I’m only there 24hrs after birth). Dont announce anything about my pregnancy or birth. I also have no visitors for 4 weeks after and I stay home and refuse to travel to people with a little baby.

    Also don’t come to my home unannounced. Don’t expect me to cater to you. Dont like my boobs out, again, don’t come over.

    For my child:
    1) Do not post any pictures of my child on social media. (I dont post my daughters pictures, I want my daughter to decide if she wants a social media presence).
    2) Under no circumstances are you to give my child medication.
    3) Do not force affection on my child is she says no and you keep trying she has every right to defend herself.
    4) Do not spoon feed my child (I did baby led weaning which had a set of rules).
    5) Do not guve my child foods I says she cannot have (dairy was a big issue with my in laws).

    Also if you did drugs, alcohol use, mental, physical or emotional abuse, fight in front of my child ever, have legal trouble or callef cps to be petty I will not have you in my or my childs life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “I have some simple boundaries.” LOL LOL LOL. I’ve had a good laugh at this list.

      I can’t tell if you’re being serious or whether this is all sarcasm LOL? These “boundaries” aren’t at all realistic…except for not wanting a child’s photo on social media if it’s an open account/forum. That’s a safety factor issue that a lot of people follow now with identity theft as an issue.

      Either way, deciding not to have children because of parents…is a choice that one makes and a convenient way to excuse oneself from being a parent or some such


      1. “Either way, deciding not to have children because of parents…is a choice that one makes and a convenient way to excuse oneself from being a parent or some such”

        Are you attempting to say that everyone must have children?

        Liked by 2 people

        1. No…I’m simply saying that your choice to NOT have children is about YOUR choices and not much more but it’s a convenient excuse to not have them while laying the blame upon parents instead of it being your own choice.

          That’s what I’m saying. Nothing more.


      2. So my boundaries are unreasonable? Because I don’t want visitors after birth and during the first 4 weeks while I am bleeding, exhausted, have several appointments for myself and my child? Or that i don’t want other people giving my child any medication (this is a safety issue as they do not know if my child is sick or not or if my child is allergic or not). My child does not go anywhere bit to the doctors and back home when sick. There is no reasonable excuse to give my 6 month old Benadryl! Just because she wouldn’t nap on their schedule! Look up forcing affection on kids and the risks associated with that! So many children get sexually abused bc they are told they have to show affection or are made to feel guilty if they don’t so they lose their natural instinct to tell people no!

        I am also not going to prove to people that cannot respect boundaries that my child shouldn’t have dairy bc it constipates her so bad she has to go to the doctor and then has stomach troubles for 3 weeks after.

        And not following our rules when it comes to feeding my child is dangerous spoon feeding a baby led weaned baby bypasses their gag reflex so they just swallow food instead of chew it. They need that gag reflex so they don’t choke. All of these are to keep my child safe and to respect our privacy. I and my child are entitled to privacy.

        But i feel like this will just go in one ear and out the other.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Actually, no…it didn’t “go in one ear and out the other” with me, Nan.

          What it did do was to point out to me an overly controlling mothering factor in a lot of aspects. It also pointed out to me that perhaps, with expectations such as you’ve listed in your first response, it’s excessive and overly “private”.

          While I don’t agree necessarily of anyone giving medications that aren’t sanctioned by the parent and the doctor, I can also tell that there are rules here that aren’t necessarily someone else’s thinking patterns. Afterall, if anyone is going to be so detailed, strict and wanting “privacy” then, that’s exactly what they should have but, they cannot expect that everyone else is going to think the same way or even like it.

          I hope that you do realize that the reasoning given here sounds so very much like a Helicopter Mom where even your own child will come to resent you for being “overly protective” and sheltering of them???? If there’s no recognition of that idea then, I can only say, “best wishes”. There’s not much more that I can say here because it seems that no matter what is said by anyone, there is better knowledge and personal wishes involved that cannot be matched by anyone else.

          I think that the statement of,
          ” All of these are to keep my child safe and to respect our privacy. I and my child are entitled to privacy,” proves it all right there.

          Just remember that your “privacy” may mean that you’re resented down the road by a lot of people in your life, not the least which will be your child. You are entitled to your privacy so, why have anyone else look after your child except for you? Nevermind your “rules”. Take care of your child yourself and keep your “privacy”, taking whatever comes your direction in the future. It’s all up to you and your decisions/choices.

          Best of wishes!


          1. I do not have anyone looking after my child. She is in my care and my husbands 24/7.

            Others ask to watch her and I will let them. But my daughter cannot have dairy, that does not mean i need to take those that asked to my childs doctor appt with me just to prove she can’t have dairy. I think my child will be okay being able to have her privacy respected. When she is older she can decide if she wants her pictures on social media. When she is an adult and wanting children (if she ever wants children) she can decide who she wants in the room or who she wants around her children. I don’t resent my parents for teaching me as a child that boundaries are okay and that i don’t have to show affection if i don’t want to or i didnt have to let people post pictures of me if i didnt want them to. I stood up for myself. I told my maternal grandmother several times to remove my baby pictures off of her facebook. I told a great uncle and even went to the point of defending myself that no I did not want a hug or kiss as he creeped me out. I am very appreciative of this that my parents did for me. But they were not helicopter parents by any means. A lot of times the complete opposite. I was outside till the street lights came on, played by myself, had sleep overs.

            If people Don’t like my version of wanting privacy and me keeping my child safe then there is the door don’t let it hit ya where the good lord split ya.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. “I do not have anyone looking after my child. She is in my care and my husbands 24/7.” “Others ask to watch her and I will let them.”

              That must be one very special child for everyone to be clamouring to look after her and bless your heart for letting them look after her for you in spite of her very special circumstances and mother. I applaud you for raising such a child the way that you have with your/her restrictions especially, with them trying to show her love or being proud enough to want to post her photo to facebook to show her off. (You know my feelings about social media so, we needn’t go back over that, need we?) but, I guess Uncle Whatever His Name is, creeping you out was enough for you to want to vomit. Why have her around anyone who shows her any form of their affection if you don’t like that person or she doesn’t want it? Good call on your part as her parent.

              I hope that you’re going to parent your child as your parents parented you, allowing you to be out until the street lights came on for intance and having sleep overs etc.. Then, again, I think it will depend upon your judgement of who she should be around, what she should or shouldn’t do, who wants to be around her, how you judge them and who you deem as appropriate for her to be around or who doesn’t “creep you out”, right? Then, again, you’re only trying to “keep her safe” or “the door” and it not letting it hit them in the good lord split ya as you’d say. LOL

              By all means, keep your “privacy” as I’m still at a loss as to what this has to do with your parenting skills. It seems to be more about what you want versus anything else.

              Best of wishes to all of you with everything (said with total sincerity as she is your child…oh dear…the door didn’t hit me where the lord split me LOL).


            2. Nam…I don’t think its bad to say you don’t want your child having dairy…or benadryl …. The only thing I will comment on is not letting a grandparent see a baby until its 4 weeks old is way to strict. You are right…no one should be forced into a hug…but if you don’t let them bond with a grandparent, of course they won’t want a hug. Grandparent relationships can be one of the most rewarding…don’t take that away.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Thank you, Gaited Gurl. This person seems to have something going on within her for some reason and she badly needs to get that in check somehow. The grandchildren will suffer because of all of her “beliefs”.


        2. Some of your comments make sense but others are just over the top. I would never give someone elses’s baby medicine without permission. No visitors for 4 weeks is excessive! If your in laws or parents want to see their grandchild, I don’t see why not. It sounds like you just want to be a control freak to me.


  5. No it’s not a fad. We are leaning how to set boundaries and demand our parents stop expecting our children as payment for giving birth to us. I cut off my in-laws and I have no qualms about it. Boundaries are so important in a healthy relationship and I have learned that people who refuse to respect my boundaries don’t need to be in my life. I am not narcissistic, I just don’t tolerate the abuse simply because they are “family”. I think part of the problem is that the older generation thinks we owe them something. Guess what, we don’t. We don’t owe our older generations anything. If they want to be in our lives then they get to respect our boundaries or they lose out. My children deserve respectful grandparents who support the parents rules and don’t undermine/disrespect them. They deserve grandparents who admit they don’t know everything and are willing to learn how parenting is done now along with realizing that they are done parenting. Adult relationships involve boundaries, respect and trust. How can we trust people who bad-mouth us to our own children and are willing to try to over rule the very thing they got as parents. The right to raise our children as we see fit .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jenn…boundaries as you’ve called them are one thing. A total “cut-off” is another thing. This idea of “you do things MY way or you’re out of my life” is not boundary setting. It’s a ransom.

      Boundaries are something that even your parents should have set up with you as well. It’s a line that cannot be crossed in their worlds. My bet is that you’ve crossed many of their boundaries and they kept on doing for you until they were no longer of any use to you.

      You are 100% right in saying that “adult relationships deserve boundaries” not abandonment. And, you’re equally right that your children will eventually perhaps, hate YOU for having kept them from knowing their grandparents through your own definition of “boundaries” versus “no contact” for you or them with their grandparents. What makes you think that your own children won’t put up their own ill informed definition of “boundaries” whereby you are also out of their lives? What if they go “no contact” with you or allow you to see their children? Will you then consider that a “boundary” or a total temper tantrum style abandonment?

      If I were you, I’d be leary and careful of just how it is that you’re both raising and teaching your own children because come adulthood, they could simply say that they’re setting down a “boundary” while having nothing further to do with you and you having nothing further to do with your potential grandchildren. You are the one who has taught them how to behave well so, don’t be surprised if the tables are turned upon you as well.

      Again, one last time, there’s a HUGE difference between having “boundaries” and a total walk-off. It’s a trend and a giant temper tantrum. That’s all that estrangement really is. And, by the way, did you really get along well with your in-laws to begin with or is this your way of justifying a total cut-off with them, along with your husband/spouse/partner? There’s a lot of bitterness showing and I’ve seen it time and time again that the bitterness is a method whereby one has an “excuse” by which to do a total cut-off with one set of parents or another. If your husband is not seeing his own parents because of this nor, speaking to them as you aren’t then there’s an issue that you both need to work out because that’s not shown here. Everything bitter and angry has been shown from and by you in your comment. I sincerely hope that you work that out lest you be called “the Influencer” at some point by your husband or your children or your in-laws. Best of luck in working that out.

      Best of wishes!


    2. Children deserve parents who are not as cold hearted and demanding as you are. I am glad you are not my daughter in law. Put yourself in their shoes for once instead of trying to wield your power over them. Children can learn a lot of things from their grandparents. Let everyone enjoy the bonds that they develop.


  6. I am not estranged from my parents, but I have a lot of friends who are for very valid reasons. Why would adult children want to do this for fun/for invalid reasons? How about these parents of these adult children take a hard look at themselves or try and determine what role they play in the estrangement? If you are truly 100% innocent, your children will come back to you.


    1. RaeRae…I think that you’ve hit upon something when you said that your friends have estranged for “very valid reasons”. If they truly are estranged for that reason then, they are justified. However, I’d have to ask if you were present in all of their lives to see this for yourself or whether you are taking their word for it? There’s a HUGE difference.

      Did you ever take into account that there are “influencers” in these estranged adult’s lives who influence the estrangement decision and get believed? What about that adult’s substance abuse issues that are also influenced by someone else? How about the idea that the parents have divorced and the adult has had bitterness whispered constantly into their ear by someone else until they believe it to be the “truth”?

      There are a lot of scenarios that can be mentioned here which involve an influencer of some kind and no, it’s not true that if a parent is 100% right (other than true abuse or neglect which we are not discussing here at all), there are influences that never seem to go away. They are believed because the adult often wants to distance themselves so that they can live as they wish or that they believe the influencer. It’s not true that estranged adults will come back if there aren’t any true reasons or the parents are 100% innocent. Influencers will see to that or the estranged adult begins to believe that or themselves.

      Thank you for your comment! Much appreciated.

      Best wishes!


    2. RaeRae…you say they have very valid reasons. There are some good reasons…I get that I have been on both sides. Last night I heard what my child has been saying and it was totally untrue. Until you hear both sides, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge parents.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love this article. I have an online support group I run for parents of estranged adult children and alienated grandparents. I focus the support on getting parents to stop blaming themselves and to give up the guilt. I want them to strive to thrive and I advise them not to put up with any kind of verbal abuse, or physical abuse for that matter. Many have become activists and post on social media about estrangement, along with educating people they know and meet. Some in my group are speaking out. I have members from all western countries, and there are millions of estranged parents. In my research, I have found online groups and websites where adult children are actually taught how to set their parents up for estrangement. A Sister P….. writes books on how to do this as well and claims all estranged parents have to be abusive. Her books are read by the wives of celebrities who want to find a reason to rid themselves of their husband’s parents. Daughter-in-laws are on the list of the top 3 types of estrangers. There is a whole movement supporting and educating others on why they should estrange their parents. I find it diabolical, and as I worked in the mental health field before retirement, I know most therapists have no clue about any of this. And I will offer this, and it often isn’t accepted by some estranged parents, but after years of working in the estrangement community, it is western societies current progressive values and attitudes that are creating a lot of family estrangement. Children grow up bombarded with liberal ideas from the time they enter kindergarten till they finish college. The media also plays an enormous part in indoctrinating people to discard family values. You don’t have to “march’ to revolt. There are documentaries you can support through donations, and you should be supporting legislation for shared or 50/50 parenting as it is also beneficial to alienated grandparents. You can speak out on social media and you can educate your friends. The most important thing you can do to revolt is to refuse to allow your estranged adult children to disrespect you or cowtow to their ridiculous demands. Live your lives and let them go. Don’t chase them and don’t apologize. If you gave your children a home, provided them with the essentials, gave them an education, and told them you loved them on occasion, you did your job as a parent. They need to respect you and treat you decently or they can shove off. You deserve have a life of as much contentment as you can find. Sometimes the greatest revolt is to just say, “No.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Candace, I totally agree with you! I was watching a video done by someone who has written books to “EAC” and it was virtually not only a “how to” style mentality but, also giving them “reasons for estrangement”. It disgusted me to see. As you’ve so wisely said, many “professionals” are NOT aware of what to do with this type of action (which has become a totally needless action in most circumstances nowadays and an epidemic). Because of their own ineptitude, online presences, these forums, groups etc. that these adults can go into and get info, this has become an epidemic and is growing. Of course, it’s always “the parent’s fault”. Parents are told to go inward and look at what they’ve “done wrong”. Most of us cannot even get direct answers from our adults as even they don’t really know. The “experts” are not only pretty clueless about this subject/topic but, many of them AID these adults in estranging. One key phrase or word is taken to extremes for these adults who estrange themselves.

      I say, “revolt” as well! I tell parents to stop caving into these tactics (unless TRUE abuse were to have taken place) and these “experts” who dole out advice that makes situations worse.

      Thank you for your comment! It’s TRULY appreciated!!! XO XO XO


  8. Right on! I am ready to make this closet case of estrangement public and fight back for our own self-esteem, etc. that has been torn down bit by bit by our entitled adult children.
    The difference between the hippies and the young adult generation today is that we were poor and free spirited. We didn’t hate our parents, we just wanted to express a different lifestyle rhat was free of sterotype middle class family norms. Most of us never completely estranged ourselves from our parents or siblings. We just out trying to live out our ideals of peace and love without parental rule. Actually harmless as compared to the estrangenment today by adult children. Today the adult children are not poor, they are career driven and have more income than we ever did as youn adults. They are self suffecient financially and I believe that leads to less need to depend on parents and to self entitlement. They have become narcisstic and only care about their own feelings. They don’t empathize with anyone. Hard & cold. Yes, it is a revolution, but one of selfishness and cruelness towards the people that love them the most and unconditionally. We need to let society know this has become a major epidemic and is breaking down family dynamics of respect for each other, . How can we be a peaceful, loving world if our children are continously estranging themselves from us? What happened to family counseling, or just being open to duscussing family problems face to face? Estrangement for these young adults is an excuse and easy way out of having relationships. They are cowards and do not want to face issues with discussion. We need to ban together to stop this destructive path of adult child eatrangement!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Alison, I totally agree with you on a lot of points you’ve made for all sorts of reasons. Unfortunately, a lot of parents are caught up in the idea that parents are somehow to blame. It’s only with “awakening” that they will figure out that it’s not them but, Society and our adults who have changed the “game” to the point where it’s at now.

      Many parents won’t budge towards doing anything constructive to make awareness with even the professionals/”experts” more open to changing their beliefs, methods etc.. These parents prefer to sit back and hope vs taking on some sort of responsibility. Of course, I do NOT mean a traditional protest method as we all live in different countries etc. and there are so many parents who either aren’t aware of this type of blog or YouTube channel etc.. Even if they are, they sit back in “fear” of violating their adult’s lives or, in making things worse somehow. I figure that we cannot get “worse” than nothing, can we? Still, they sit back in hope that their adults will have an epiphany somehow if they remain silent enough, long enough. I hope, for their sakes, that they are right but, I’m seeing for myself that there’s more problems, more estrangements, more anger etc. by doing nothing. It takes a few brave souls like you and others in here as well as my YouTube channel to express the hurt, anger, differences etc. to get anywhere.

      Thank you ever so much for your thoughts. I truly appreciate them and hope that others will follow suit. HUGE HUGS XO XO XO


      1. Thank you for posting my comments. Let me know if you need anymore to get the issue out in the open. I have nothing to loose or fear. Like you said it can’t get any worse than it already is:( ❤️✌️

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I really don’t know how to respond to this.

    On one hand, yes, the estrangement is the latest trendy thing in which these “adults” are participating, but “rising up angry” as they used to call it is not going to change much.

    I know what true abuse is. I grew up in a family that is so toxic, it glows in the dark. Two of us escaped the poison, the rest continue to spread the pain. I protected my kids from it, yet this is what I get in return.

    So no, “We’re not gonna take it – NO! We ain’t gonna take it,” but I feel no need to start marches and protests, because against what will we march and protest?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually, there is no way to “march” on this. What I wish though is that parents are aware of the fact that adult children are simply people who are filled with warts, flaws and warts too. Their pain of estrangement is far worse than anything we could have done to them UNLESS there was abuse involved in some fashion.

      I get it that you are estranged from your family and why. I also grew up ABUSED but, did NOT estrange. Instead, I chose to put down guidelines (substance abuse) and *IF* there was an issue, I stayed distant. (I had 2 brothers who were also dealing with the same issue and both chose not to estrange but, distance themselves as much as they could as well). HUGS for that abuse. I know what that feels like as well as I got it all ways (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually).

      As soon as I was able to leave that home, I did and went directly for help…professional help so as to NEVER treat my future husband or children (should I have either) the way that we all got treated. My father did leave eventually to save himself. I didn’t treat my daughter the way that I was treated so, I never expected this either from her. I can see both sides of the coin as a mother and an abused child then, adult. I KNOW that I did NOT abuse my daughter in any way and that I’ve seen her do this with 3 other men as well who were all maladjusted in Life. This one is the most dysfunctional though of the 3 of them.

      In short, NO, there is no real way to “march” or protest other than to get the word out there that this is a fad/trend with falsehoods that need to stop. I think that getting the word out to parents is the way to do it so that fewer are taken in by this type of thing or blaming themselves.


      Liked by 1 person

    1. Beth, get the word out to others in groups that you may belong to. Tell others that this “estrangement” idea is a fad/trend amongst adults who decide that they don’t like something or want to justify their actions or lack of them (as long as TRUE abuse isn’t at play).

      We need to get the word out to the “experts” that half or better of what they hear is false or created by others and that they shouldn’t take an estranged adult at their word solely. They ALSO need to STOP perpetuating the idea that 1) estrangement is justified by the adult 2) labels placed upon parent’s foreheads by these adults are incorrectly slapped onto parents, without NET diagnosis 3) stop adding terms and labels onto parents for those adults (without a real diagnosis made by them) 4) offer up other ways of dealing with their dislikes/life issues 5) parents are NOT responsible for their every flaw, fault or wart so, stop blaming parents for everything that can go wrong in their lives.

      There’s a lot more but, it’s more a metaphorical thing to get the word out there until estrangement and this pain that we’re going through, has little power over these adults because it doesn’t work.

      We all live in different countries, different laws etc. and there’s nothing that parents can really do to ADULTS (which is what they are now). There’s no way to “march” so to speak nor, would it do any good anyway. But, getting the word out there IS what is a “revolution”. In other words, “we’re not gonna take it anymore” type thinking.


      Liked by 1 person

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