A “revolution” doesn’t mean that there’s a physical march, protest or anything that we can think of that used to be a method. It can mean that people from all over the world, get the word out to one another as well as to professionals of all sorts, not simply medical health professionals. Society needs to wake up and realize that all of the “power” doesn’t lay in the hands of “adults” who have decided to “estrange themselves” so to speak. Unless true abuse is at play and not made up by someone’s imaginations or via someone else’s to futher their agendas, there’s reason to empower one another and take back some power by not falling victim to a method of protest that these adults are doling out to their parents.
There are numerous reasons why an adult will estrange themselves from family members, friends etc. but, one of the chief reasons is because they don’t like how their lives are going. The blame gets put squarely upon their parent’s shoulders and they’ll walk away or now said, “estrange” from them.
First of all, let me say that I am NOT speaking of those who have been truly abused in some form for a long time. However, there are all sorts of situations where the idea of abuse has been falsely implanted by someone else or even these adults who have “re-written” their histories for themselves in order to justify the walk-outs.
Estrangement Is A Fad/Trend
In a lot of cases that don’t involve true abuse, estrangement has become a trendy or fad thing to do to parents and family members. Not that there aren’t cases where it’s warranted but, for the most part, estrangement is not only unwarranted but, used as a method whereby the adult is angry at something, including their own lives, actions, lack of them or whatever and they want a place to lay “blame”. The hurt, pain, grief, sorrow and ill feelings left behind on parents is beyond even the labels that these adults so easily and frequently slap upon their parent’s foreheads without true diagnoses by a medical professional or even via the lack of understanding of these professionals.
Protests, Revolution Etc., Need Not Be A March
When we think of “revolution” we’re thinking back to days when these types of things were done. They are even done today for certain causes but, this is where we, as parents, don’t have that available to us and, it need not be the case anyway. There’s truly no one to revolt to as our offspring are adults and can do whatever they wish. Laws cannot be made to stop that but, the word can be spread without protests.
How To Start A Revolution Without Physical Protests And Marches
- Get the message out to other parents facing this situation (NO abuse involved so, make sure of that first, please) that estrangement has become a newer version of our old “running away from home”. It’s a falacy for a lot of these kids and totally un-needed.
- Join groups with like-minded people. Talk to others who are facing the pain, grief, sorrow and other such emotions from estrangement that this is not reality nor, is it them. It’s their now, adult children’s issues.
- Be vocal! Don’t take this type of antic while laying down, crying into thin air. Get your voice heard by others as in the above bulleted notation.
- If you are seeing a medical help professional of any kind over this, ensure that you get the word out that there needs to be more education on this topic as it’s becoming an epidemic. Make it known that you don’t believe that they should go off hap-hazardly towards aiding these adult’s ideas of their parents.
- Let others know that the terms “narcissist”, “toxic”, “enmeshed” etc., should never be accepted by anyone without a true medically assigned diagnosis. These are created terms by estranged adults and slapped upon parent’s foreheads like they’re candy. They are more often than not, created by other estranged adults, on the net terminology used or, self-diagnosed and more often than not, used to justify their anger and estrangement.
- If someone else like an ex-husband/wife/their family is slandering you and you know it, tell them that if they don’t cease it immediately, there will be a slander suit cast upon them. Put your foot down. You may not change your estranged adult’s minds but, you can attempt to put an end to the nonsense being spewed out by others.
- Don’t accept the blame for anything. Toss it right back to them, even if only mentally and, realize that a lot of the time, this is a method by which to get back at you with or hurt you in order for the adult to justify their own actions or lack of them
- Talk, talk and more talk. Don’t clam up and hide with tissues under the blankets. In other words, don’t take this form of Abuse as that’s what this is, laying down, crying. Stand up! Talk about it with anyone and everyone you can. If you hide, you are showing shame and guilt. Let others know that there is no shame or guilt to be had with you and, that your estranged adult is not correct nor blameless. The shame is on the one who does the act if no true abuse or neglect has taken place, not you.
Stand Up And Be Counted!
Yes, I know that Society and everyone in it, has been trained to believe the “child”. They are not children anymore. Short of true abuse/neglect, there are no good reasons for an adult to have done what they’ve done no matter what they’ve proclaimed that you’ve done or not done. You know the truth. Why fall victim to other people’s version of you? Whether they’ve created it to justify not succeeding in Life or whether someone else or several others have done it for them, you know that your adult wasn’t treated so badly/poorly that it justifies their action of estrangement. This is a form of abuse so, if you remain silent, cowering in a corner, they win, you lose and you’ll incur all of the pain, quietly. Stop being quiet!
People already think, “I wonder what (blank) did to deserve this?”
Right there, you’re already to blame even if you’re not. Once you’ve tried to apologize for any wrong-doing, offered up messages of love and said that your door is always open to them, you’ve done all that you can. At this point, it’s time to stop pulling a bag over your head out of shame and realize that people already think the worst of you. It’s like being judged “guilty unless proven innocent”. You don’t need more of this type of judgement, right? It’s been taught by Society, billions of dollars of useless studies and implementing it all throughout time. It’s handed adults “rights” that they’ve come to believe are all theirs and you have none or few.
Accepting the labels of “narcissist”, “toxic” and such only mean that you are a victim of the above mentioned factors. More keenly said, you are accepting that you are those labels even if only gotten off of the net by your abuser(s). This is where professional health care providers will also fall victim to it all both with your estranged adult as well as with Society. They believe their own bunk and relatively little time, energy or classroom time has been spent on such a topic which is increasing by the day. They need to come up with more effective ways of dealing with this type of situation and spend the time on it both within the profession as well as with patients. Make that known to them. Nothing takes the place of a true, unbiased, properly trained diagnosis of said labels. Professionals, Society and even the estranged adults themselves, need to know that we, as parents, are not accepting anything less than a truly diagnosed issue. If there is none, we are not those things.
Remember that no one is “perfect” in Life. Everyone is flawed in one way or many ways. Your estranged adult is filled with issues, faults and warts as well. Who are they to judge you? Who are they to say that you gave them birth so, you are responsible for everything that happens or doesn’t happen in their lives or they’ll walk out of your life? These adults are simply people and like all people, they are warted as well. Stop accepting blame, shame, grief and such and get angry. More to the point, stand up and be counted. Let your voice be heard and not in “secret” by “closed net groups”. Closed groups are ok to start off with but, after hearing that you’re not alone in this type of thing, realize that for every parent who speaks up in a group, there are 10 more out there who are remaining quiet because they are living in shame, blame and fear of and from their estranged adults, hoping that they’ll come back if they are good enough, quiet enough or try hard enough. Haven’t you had enough now?
Have a great day or evening.
Love and Light