“Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
Now there’s a stunner of a statement or quote. While it’s the ideal situation to create, the reality is that one can give and give but, drive people further away in return. It’s sad but, it’s true. Proven over and over again, people will take as long as you’re giving and not give back in return then, walk away when you’re no longer shelling out what it is that they want.
Perhaps, having the attitude of treating others as they treat you is a better way of thinking of things?
If they are nice to you, concerned, show caring and return the favours or kindnesses that you’ve shown to them then, perhaps, it’s worth doing? However, if you’re finding as I have that you can give until you bleed and get slapped in the face when you need or want something, you may need to ask yourself if you’re doing nothing more than becoming a doormat for help to these people.
As sad as that may sound or maybe, as contrary to the things that you’ve held dear and been taught as it all may sound right now, the reality is that there are a lot of people out there who don’t value those who give without limitations. Are there people out in this world who are that stupid? Absolutely. I’m one of them.
Two Examples of Many
I’ve had 5 surgeries at the point of writing this piece. I’ve taken care of everyone and their dogs to their properties while they’ve been away on vacation, out for lunches with friends or unable to be there for their beloved pets. This has been done with not one, not one time but, many. Upon one surgery, I was unsure of when it was that I’d be coming home and had a dog who needed to be let out half way through the estimated time.
First, I called someone who I’d done a lot for, including money (which has never been repaid), favours galore and so much that I couldn’t list it all here. I asked this person for what would amount to a 10 minute favour of letting my dog out, onto his leash and back in again. I was told “yes”. I thought that I had it all sewn up (pun intended). However, having asked 2 weeks prior, it was the week before when this person called to say that while they had nothing at the time to do, another friend was coming into town and they wanted to go out. In other words, this person was saying that they couldn’t let my dog out.
I quickly moved onto someone else whom I’d done so much for that it would take a year to list it all here but, suffice it to say that a 10 minute jaunt would not be uncalled for nor, would it cut into their day. I got a “yes, I can do it. I’m doing nothing that day,” response. Great! I had a back-up to do this one.
Surgery time was secure in knowing that someone was going to let my beloved dog out for me half way through the time I was to be in hospital. It’s not as though I was enjoying this. It was no vacation or lunch out but, the surgery needed to be done.
The next day, when I had fully aroused from the anesthesia used and slept it off, I called this person to thank them for having done this with my dog and for me, I was met with the following statement.
“I wasn’t going to do it at all because a friend called me that morning and wanted to go to see a movie,” she said. “I literally had to run up the street (2 doors by the way) and let your dog out. I just made it in time to the movie but, I had to let the dog out an hour and a half earlier in order to do that.”
Of course, I thanked this person profusely for having done so and expressed the idea that I wouldn’t have asked had I known that they were going out. It was all met with an icy silence to which I thanked them again and hung up, stunned at what had happened.
The second incident of many, involves a family member who I’ve done more for than I care to think about and with not only them but, their adult offspring who is now working, happy but, still living with this person.
My husband, myself and my 2 pets (cat and dog) were about to be evacuated from our home due to a nearby fire. We had nowhere to go even for the day, let alone a night should it be required. It all depended upon the evacuation notice criteria. At the moment that I was packing a bag, unsure of where to go with 2 pets, this family member called, having heard on the news of what was happening. I explained, knowing that we (hubby and I) had done a lot for this person, including buying them a car, Christmas tree with all of the trimmings, setting it all up for and with them and so much more that it cannot be explained lest this piece be longer than the largest novel you’ve read.
In spite of this family member having a house that was 1.5 times the size of our tiny home with all sorts of space to spare not to mention bedrooms if reaquired, the favours and money that we’d spent on this person, they offered up nothing except a “you’ll get through it” response. I had to ask if we needed to, could we come there for at least a few hours until we figured out where we’d go if needed. I was met again with a flat-out “no” and again, “you’ll figure it out,” type of response.
Thankfully, the winds shifted and we didn’t need to be evacuated but, these 2 examples proved to me that a lot of people aren’t appreciative of what you may do for them.
Time To Stop?
These are two of the many, many situations that I’ve found myself in with people. It’s all been hurtful but, the kick in the rear that I suppose, I needed in order to realize that the old saying of do to others what you’d like done to you, only leads to more kicks in the rear end than one would be able to imagine. Favours, money, help, concern, care etc. are often not returned in any way. When push comes to shove, a lot of people are out to get what you’ll give to them but, won’t necessarily give back when you are in trouble or need. More than anything, because of the type of person that you’d have to be in order to do what you do for them, they’ve got your number. You’re plain and simply a “doormat” and they’ve got your number. They don’t need to respect or reciprocate anything. They can take. Why give? Is it time to stop giving so much of myself to the undeserving?
How To Tell If You’re Being Used
- Stop giving so much of yourself, time, energy and effort and see who hangs around you. Those who remain may still be waiting for you to give them something. Try stopping giving and see what happens to them.
- Ask for something in return for something that you’ve done for them. It may not be equal in terms of how much you’ve done but, ask for something. If you get no return or reciprocal type of help ever, you know that you’re being used by that person(s).
- If all that you’re ever met with in response is an “I’m sorry but, I’m busy” when you need or want something or, an “I can’t do it,” there’s a decent chance that they are holding back their help or don’t want to get involved. Give it another try with plenty of notice and see what happens. If you are met with a similar response or yet another excuse, you have a fair idea that it’s a “no…what can you do for me” type of relationship. No one is that “busy” in their lives.
- When a person takes, takes and takes some more but, you don’t have them around you when you need something, try stopping doing for them and see what happens with them. If you no longer hear from them, they were only out to take what you’d give.
- Getting something from that person when you’ve done and given, isn’t exactly noble to begin with. It’s a reciprocation that’s expected or owed by that person in some way even if you don’t look upon it as such. However, if they do something for you no matter how small it may be by comparison and they turn you down or grumble about it afterwards (such as my example of letting my dog out), stop doing for them. They love what you’ll give to them but, they are showing you that they resent having to give back in return.
When Is It Time To Walk Away?
Any time you get a number of non-committal responses from someone or several whom you’ve done things for when you need a favour in return or, those who show you disdain and the “hardship” it has caused them in having to do something for you when you’ve freely given to them, it’s time to stop asking them but, also stop doing for them as well.
If you’re getting the idea that the only time someone contacts you in any way is when they need something, it’s a sure bet that you’re only the “go-to person” for favours or needs. That may be time for you to start thinking of walking away from them. Those who take but, not give back are the ones you don’t want to keep giving anything to. More key is the fact that if the only time that you hear from these people is when they are in need of something, it’s time for you to realize that you’ve been taken. They are about as sincere in their caring as a pebble is capable of caring. In other words, you are only part of their lives for what you can offer to them, not because they want, like or care about you as a person. It’s what you can do for them that counts to them.
Lastly, if you’re only hearing “the bad” but, never hearing the outcome of any of it or, you’re not in mind for them when “the good” happens, parties take place or whatever they throw or have, you’re likely not thought of beyond what it is that they want or need. Give up. Make them at the least, down your list of priority people. If that means that you’re going to be alone, better to be alone than to have people around you because you’re doing for them. Contrary to popular belief, you weren’t put on this planet to make other’s lives happier or easier constantly. Those who take, should remember that they should be caring enough to return something in some way to you as well.
On that note, be well, have a great day or evening.
Love and Light!