Why Positive Thinking Is Not A Miracle Worker Even With Estrangement

By now, much of the television old world, already knows that actress, Valerie Harper of “Mary Tyler Moore” and it’s spin-off series, “Rhoda” fame has lost her battle with cancer and has died at the age of 80 years of age.

Actress Valerie Harper Dies At Age 80.  Mary Tyler Moore or Rhoda fame.

It’s taken me a week or more to write about her passing because it hit me hard that Harper was not only a mainstay in my life as “Rhoda” in both sitcoms but, also as a person who was so positive at the least. Having beaten lung cancer then, having developed brain cancer (or at least the surrounding membrane of the brain), it was hard for me to write about her passing.

Not only had Harper beat lung cancer but, with a prognosis of only 3 months to live, she’d gone on to what doctors had said was a “remission” of her brain cancer. Valerie went back to working after treatments and even during them. Her husband was her rock as she’d deem him. Bless him for having done all that he’d done for her as well. No one, of course, could see into their personal lives but, it was certain that the marriage was one that Harper at the least, portrayed as being one of love, care and concern.

Thankfully, Harper had passed by that dreaded prognostication of having 3 months to live. To boot, she had beat the odds and gone on to live many years, into her 80’s, having gotten through her 80th birthday just days before her passing.

Was it her positive attitude that kept her going?

Some may say that it was the key to her survival while others say that it was an aid in her story. I’m uncertain as many people are sure that they are going to surpass and even beat cancer. They more often than not, never do make it. If it comes back a second time and especially, if it’s metastasized elsewhere in the body, there is little likelihood of beating it at that point. That, to me, says that it’s quite uncertain as to what can or can’t be done via positive thinking.

Is Positive Thinking a form of denial?

At the least, positive thinking propels us forward and further than what we are told is possible to do. Sometimes it works, other times, it doesn’t work at all. Things have a way of taking their own course and there’s not much that we can do about it. What it does for people is that it gives them some sort of determination even if phrased in a positive light. That said, it’s akin to a self-push that we all need in one way or another.

Thinking that it’s going to make everything alright is not only a form of “magical thinking” which doesn’t often happen but is possible, it’s also a form of denial within ourselves. Somehow, we are going to beat what the experts say is inevitable.

In a sense, positive thinking certainly has its place within our thinking realms as well as our lives but, it’s not to be mistaken for a determination which will beat anything at any time. Those who propose that it is like Rhonda Byrnes has done with “The Secret” and many other versions of manifestation are preaching drivel while raking in the big bucks. I can guarantee that if Positive Thinking were to have worked as well as manifestation, people like Wayne Dyer wouldn’t be gone from this planet now. Things will go as they go no matter what one thinks within themselves or how positively they think. It is a form of denial with benefits though to think positively in these types of circumstances.

What about estrangement? Doesn’t Positive Thinking help us?

Positive Thinking is not a cure-all even with estrangement

Hope is something that we all need in our lives. It’s what drives us ever forward. Having hope is what human beings run on and it’s beneficial to have some. That’s why people play games of chance like lotteries. We all have some degree of hope within us or we’d cease to be people or have lives of any value. Daring to dream of a life that is better is what keeps us all going in one way or another. Even decorating our homes is a form of hope. We hope that we can either afford it all or that we can make something out of nothing and thus, the DIY craze that’s happening more and more nowadays.

Where hope is our downfall is in things like estrangement where we hold onto hope so tightly that we fail to move forward and stay, clinging onto the notion that we can make things happen if we think positively enough. Truth be told, we can’t. We cannot make others feel what they don’t feel more often than not. It’s impossible to make people think as we wish that they would or could think. They have their own minds and feelings and are therefore, going to follow that train at the present time. All of the positive thinking in the world isn’t going to change that fact. This is where we all have to come to grips with the idea that at the present moment, those who have estranged from us have done so because of their own thinking or feeling patterns which are often wrought by others in their lives.

Where does positive thinking help with estrangement then? Does it have a place?

Thinking in a positive manner always has its place in our lives as long as we are using it in a constructive manner. If we think that it’s going to stop, prevent or turn around everything that happens to us, as is preached by those who want to sell us books or on programs, it’s not. It can’t settle or cure anything no matter what we think or how much we use it. I’m sorry to say this because it’s quite the opposite to what people wish to hang onto. That idea is also the basis behind hope or having it. While there’s nothing wrong with it and we all have hope to some extent or another, it’s got to be used towards making our lives better or causing it to be improved within a reasonable fashion. What do I mean?

Let’s say that in the instance of estrangement, hanging onto hope via positive thinking is something that we all do in order to both survive and go on but, it’s something that needs to be held onto with caution. We cannot let ourselves fall victim to the thinking that if we pray enough, think positively enough, continue on with a hope of something happening or not happening, we can bring into or get back what we’ve lost. We also cannot affect other people’s thinking or feelings with it. We can, however, use positive thinking and hope towards having something for ourselves that is obtainable for us to reach. Hoping that we’re going to win the lottery or cure cancer, praying to an entity that we don’t have evidence exists at the least here on this planet to help, (please no Bible Thumpers giving comments no matter what you believe or not, is not wanted by this author as this is not a religious piece and quoting The Bible or whatever else one can quote doesn’t work for me or others at this time), or that one can affect someone else doesn’t work. In the thousands of comments and emails that I’ve received, I’ve yet to see anyone who has proof that any of this type of thing helps or works.

What it can do for you though is within yourself and your own life.

  • If you hope and think positively for yourself, you can achieve things for yourself that you’d not have thought possible
  • As long as you’re not using positive thinking in order to bring back the estranged person through thought or manifesting something, you can think positively that your life can go on and that you’re still here because you have purpose
  • Thinking positively and hanging onto hope can bring about the impetus for you to change something within your life and self that drives you towards other things as well
  • Accepting that things are as they are right now and moving forward with what you can do is an example of how both positive thinking and hope can help you when it comes to the idea behind estrangement
  • Believing that you have the ability to do things within reason and your capabilities is tantamount towards growing or moving forward but, don’t expect that you’re going to leave a wheelchair behind if you’re a quadrapalegic. It’s not going to happen if your legs and arms don’t work. The 30th diagnosis isn’t going to be of help if you’ve had 29 already that concur along with that MRI or whatever testings you’ve already had done over and over again. Honey and vitamins aren’t going to do it for you either no matter what is claimed by others. Think around that and have hope, belief, courage and whatever other positive thinking you can have about what you can do with your impairment as is
  • Estrangement is much like any other impairment. It’s a cut off and unless you know that you’ve done something that you can deal with and talk out, stop the idea that you can use thinking positively or using mental telepathy to affect a change via those methods. Accept that it is what it is right at this point in time then, get your mind set on what you can do instead of what you can do ie: bringing that person back into your life
  • Stop believing that there are “ifs” like “if I could just accept that person’s drinking or (fill in the blanks here), I’d have them back.” Really? Could you truly deal/cope with their drinking in your presence and all that came with it in the first place? What was your reasoning for not accepting everything that came with it in the first place? If you can accept something without it affecting your life negatively, do it. If you can’t, think of ways in which you can move forward without that as part of your life. You’ll be better off as is, at the moment. “If” you could accept the treatment that you’ve gotten, you’d be doing it, right?

There are many other examples but, thinking positively doesn’t mean that you can effect someone else, their thinking or their lives. You can’t do it with positive thinking unless you’re willing to deal with whatever comes with it all as well. Think positively, have hope but, do it for yourself and your own life. Have drive and determination but, don’t expect that it will work miracles. If it can and does, we wouldn’t need doctors, research, therapists or anything of the sort, would we? We’d only need positive thinking and hope as well as possibly, prayer.

Use positive thinking and hope as your tools towards improving your own life to whatever levels you can inflict change upon but, don’t use it with the hopes that you’re going to effect something else or someone else. Do so because it’s reasonable to believe for you and your life, not for anyone else. They will all have their own set of beliefs whether you see it as right or wrong or whether influenced or not.

From my little corner of life, both hope and positive thinking have limitations but, used correctly, it can change some things but, not others and certainly not other people, outcomes in a lot of areas of life nor, can it bring about miracles.

Buy that lottery ticket but, keep in mind that you are daring to dream only and don’t have the expectation that you’re going to win it. While you may win (and, I certainly hope that you do), you have a better chance of getting struck by lightening than of winning a lottery or making your estranged adult child come back into your life. Dare to dream of a better (fill in the blanks here) for yourself, not the impossible. Positive thinking doesn’t create miracles for anyone as negative as that may sound. Be your best self and do the best for yourself. Put on your own oxygen mask in Life.

Be well, Love and Light,

Have a great day or evening!

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

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