Why Estrangement Is Not The Answer: Getting Rid Others

When you walk away from someone or many people, you’re walking away for possibly ever. Remember that what matters now to you may not be the same down the road. Things change as do people. Life goes on with or without you no matter how powerful you may think that you are at the moment of separation or even estrangement.

What’s this got to do with me when I’m walking away from those who aren’t good for me?

No matter who you are or what you think that you are, no man is an island. Everyone needs others as part of their lives. All of us need or will need help at some point or another or many points. When bridges are burned, there may be no way to rebuild them or, other parties involved may not be willing to do so with you. Are you that sure that the choices that you’re making are that correct forever and, that you’ll never need or want that person or those people around you ever again? Will you change who you are right now? Might your circumstances change? How about the person or persons that you’re with at this moment? Will they change or their circumstances? The answer is a probable YES. The only certainty is that change is going to happen. Whether or not, you think that you are in no need of people being part of your life now may or likely will be of consequence to you down the road in one way or another. The only thing that will be a question to you at that point is whether or not the bridges that you’ve counted on being there should you need or want anything again, might not be there for you for one reason or another. Once those pathways are burned, they’re likely gone. Can you afford to bank on the idea that you’ve always got a safety net there somewhere to fall onto?

I’m self-sufficient and don’t need anyone other than those I’ve surrounded myself with so, good luck to those I’ve ousted

Really? Are you banking on the idea that what you have right now is what you’ll always have as part of your life? What makes you think that the person(s) that you’ve chosen to be around are always going to be there and always meet what you want them to do? Are you counting on the idea that you’re always going to have that person(s) around for you? Maybe, you’re relying upon the hope that those you’re with right now are going to change from the frog into the prince/princess that you believe them capable of being? What if they can’t be that for you? What if you change and they don’t?

More key here is the idea that once you ditch other people from your life, those people have the ability to move on with their lives and without you as part of it. They realize that you’re not all that and find other ways to deal with life. It’s more possible that eventually, no matter how much they cared or have cared about and/or for you, they will no longer be pining for you, waiting for you to re-enter their lives. People have to eventually move on and the waiting stops. In other words, what they once may have felt towards you, they may no longer feel. Life does move on as to people at a certain point. Who you don’t need right now because you’re feeling certain or even smug at having ousted from your life will often be needed or wanted down the road. It may be too late then. Are you ok with that? Are you certain that you’ll never want them as part of your life again? Can you truly get along without them in all ways?

They’re narcissists, toxic or bad for me. I need to get away from them.

There’s a price tag attached to every choice that we make in our lives. What was once of a seeming benefit or disposable to us, eventually may become something that we wish we had as part of our lives again. How many of us have tossed away items, only to turn around a week or more later and wish that we’d never gotten rid of it because we needed it? That’s not to say that everything that we have, we need to hold onto. There are people who are only party to our lives at certain times or for reasons that we required them at that point in time. An old saying along the lines of people being part of our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime may hold true. Those who have been a part of our being for a reason or a season will often leave it when their season or reason is done however, to say that someone is “toxic” or “bad” or a “narcissist” is not only labelling people but, it’s a fallacy to believe that about them always. Life has a way of altering people as it does our needs, wants and choices. Are we that certain that we won’t want or need those people ever again so that we can call someone “toxic” or “narcissists” or whatever other label that we’ve slapped upon their foreheads and leave it there?

While no one would or should tell us that we need to keep someone as part of our lives simply to amass a pile of people, there’s an equal number of human beings who are also going to label you as well given their emotions, feelings, thoughts or other methods whereby one judges another person or people.

I’m happier without them as part of my life

That statement may be true of those who have used you as a punching bag in the past and continue to do so but, their lives and circumstances also change. If, of course, that is to be the case, they belong somewhere else but, is it still the case and what are the people you’re with now doing to you even if you can’t see it right now? Think about it carefully first here. Are you sure of that? Think again hard before you condemn others. More importantly here, are you certain that they are or, will be of need and alternatively those you’ve ousted from your life, be no good? People aren’t things. They are people complete with feelings too. Remember that once they are gone in one way or another, they are gone. They cannot be brought back from a grave or ashes nor, may it be possible to ever get back whatever it is that you wish you had in them. No one is totally bad and no one is totally good. That includes you as well. For every bad or rotten thing that someone does, there are also good things about them as well even if you cannot see it right now.

One thing to realize is that no one can or should try to tell you that someone who is truly beating you physically should be stayed with by any means of the word. On the same hand, no one is or should be telling you that someone who is emotionally, mentally or otherwise, truly hurting you, should be kept as part of your life. It goes without saying that anyone who is detrimental to you should be distanced from your life. However, one needs to be absolutely certain that it’s a truth and not simply something that suits you or your life today as it stands. Your life is going to change. Trust me, it will. Be very careful as to what you decide or choose to do because there’s likely going to come a time where there is no return. In other words, you may not be able to go home again, whatever that may be to you.

I’m “enmeshed” so, I need to keep my well being by getting rid of that person or people

When one thinks that they are enmeshed with others, it’s because they haven’t realized that people are enmeshed with someone or several others or even a lifestyle. Everyone is enmeshed with everyone else to some extent or another. It’s not exclusive to those who don’t suit the purpose at the time or, who are a threat to what you can deem as your life or who you are at this point in time so, using that as a reason or excuse to distance or walk away on others is simply that, an excuse that you’ve worked up within yourself in order to justify why you’ve made the choices that you’ve made. Whether you realize it or not, you’re enmeshed with practically everything and everyone you need or think that you need as part of your life. This also includes anyone who you are with. If one were to think that being enmeshed with someone only means certain people, they’d be wrong. The fact is that everyone becomes enmeshed with anyone or anything who is of their choosing. To think that being enmeshed with one set of people is bad or wrong, think again because even the people that you’re with, you’ve become enmeshed with to a great or small part. As a matter of fact, you likely have become more “enmeshed” with others or someone else than the person/people that you’ve walked away on and don’t recognize it.

I need my space, time and anything else that I need so, these people are out of my life

How many times have we all needed a rest from others? Most of us can say that we even needed “space” or “time away” from our own children yet, we don’t do it. Why? Because space and time are temporary things. They are not meant to be permanent. If one thinks that they are so perfect that they need time or space from others, can’t others be thinking the same things about them?

Don’t shake your head with a “no” right now. At any given time, no matter what one may tell you that they you are to them, you’re not perfect so, they too can need or want time away from you as well. Those who don’t appear to want it from you are usually those who are suiting some need within themselves by using you because they feel the need to do so. Whether that is money, servitude, a mate to do things with or because they, themselves are alone in their lives for the most part, they need or want something from you. Why aren’t you taking your space or time away from them as well? If you think that you’re that wonderful or perfect or a certain someone doesn’t speak ill about you, you’d be wrong in that assumption. You are replaceable even if you think that you’re not. Someone else can fill your shoes in one or all ways. You’re not unique at all so, to think that way about others and toss them to the side is what can happen to you as well, whether you think so or not.

I’m going to estrange myself so that I can….

That’s a loaded ending there to fill in. The list is as long as one’s arm. However, to think that what you want right now is all that you’re ever going to be or want or need is also a fallacy.

Let’s say for instance that one thinks that they can do A, B & C as long as people such as friends or family or all aren’t part of their lives, ask yourself if you’re always going to want A, B & C. Are you always going to forever more be who you are right now? Will you eternally want to have your habits?

Whatever your reasons are for estranging, remember that the Universe doesn’t revolve around you and your needs or wants. It simply doesn’t operate that way. You’re a speck within a grand scheme and nothing more. Equally, it’s hopeful that you’re going to change again and again. That also means that your needs, wants etc. are going to change as well. Does that mean that you’re always going to want what you have right now? Is estranging yourself from everyone else or several others worth what you have right now? What if you don’t want that any longer? What if things change as they will and you don’t have that thing or person or set of thoughts any longer down the road? Is it possible, do you think, to ever go backwards in time? The answers to those questions lay within you if you do enough thinking about it but, remember that once bridges are burned, they’re burned and there’s no going back once that happens. Never take for granted that people’s lives as well as life and the things in it also change.

If you’re not moving forward in your life and staying essentially the same, there’s something amiss within you and your life. That’s a point that is placed upon you, your choices and not on other’s shoulders no matter how you try to displace that responsibility onto others or excuses.

From my little corner of life, I’ve had a lot of experiences within my years to warrant someone else ask themselves these questions. I know that I’m not a perfect person but, I also recognize that NO ONE is perfect either. People move forward with or without you and you can’t go backwards in time. Things evolve with circumstances as do people. It’s important to recognize that your life and the people you surround yourself with now will also change or perhaps, not be there with or for you one way or another for one reason or the other. Never take anyone for granted because there’s a price tag that is attached to it all and trust me, if others are not part of your life any longer, the price is yours to pay one way or another at some point or another.

Be well, Love and Light

Have a GREAT day/evening!

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

One thought on “Why Estrangement Is Not The Answer: Getting Rid Others

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: