Estrangement: Why It May Not Be The Right Thing!

Though I hate to date myself, there was a time in life when people got jobs and became wedded directly out of highschool. There was no secondary education for many people as only those who could afford it, got it. That was usually reserved for those whose parents sacrificed everything in their lives or most things as well as for those who planned ahead, worked and paid their own way through it all because parents simply couldn’t afford it.

In turn, many people got married in their early to mid-20’s. That was at a time when people truly didn’t know themselves as people, let alone each other. Few people grew together or in the same direction. Mortgages, children, rent, obligations etc., kept them together though because it was what was expected and not knowing what else to do, people put up with an entire plethora of things that they never should have tolerated. Finances, obligations and especially, children kept them together not by choice but rather, by need.

For a lot of people, getting together before or during their late teens to mid-20’s meant that people hadn’t formed who they were as people, their likes, wants, needs etc.. Of course, everyone changed in one way or another and that didn’t always mean that 2 people grew in the same direction or ways. Some stayed halted in their growth. Others were troubled or disgruntled and turned to substances with which to cope with the loads of unhappiness that they’d placed upon their own shoulders or, had placed there by something or someone or several someones and, they often grew to become resentful of the person that they’d once loved or thought that did.

That’s not me. I know myself. I know what I’m doing.

While almost everyone thought that they knew who they were and what they are or were doing, the truth is that many people simply don’t know or, times and people change. Some may be saying something like, “everything and everyone changes, so what,” the truth is that a lot of people don’t know who they truly are as people and instead, become versions of those that they are with. Eventually, those very same people come to resent having to do so and change. Unfortunately, for many of those people, those who are around them at the time, don’t change or morph into someone else as well as growing apart or in differing directions. What then?

That won’t happen to me! I know who I am right now. I know (fill in the blanks) and they will always be who they are to, with and for me.

Again, as in yesterday’s piece that was published, I’d have to ask if you are truly right on that point or not.

Everyone thinks that they know themselves and others that they are with but, is it true? Do you really know yourself and those you are surrounding yourself with or those you are cloistering yourself with? Is that substance or substances, habits or whatever perhaps, a key point to consider as to how happy you truly are and who that person that you’re banking on being the same person that you thought that they were or are?

I’m educated. I know who I am and what the world is about. I have the knowledge of what I’m doing or have done, why and you’re ignorant. You know nothing. You’re a narcissist, miserable and bitter person. Take a look at yourself first.

There’s an old saying, “you can’t put an older head on younger shoulders”. How true that is. No one can do it no matter how much experience one has in life or, what lessons one has learned because of it. After all, those who believe themselves to be right or even those “well intentioned schooled and even self taught experts” who have backed up and reinforced those beliefs in someone will dispute this thought. It will all hold true for those who wish to debate this topic until or unless they’re proven wrong. Studies change as do thoughts on it all.

While many will slap labels upon my head, one would be incorrect in that assumption with those who know me best, feeling that they know everything that is going on with me, my life or whatever. About the only thing that they do know is what their own agendas or imaginations have put together for them and within them. In other words, people will often defend their own stances because it’s what they want or, because it suits their situations and someone else’s ideas. There’s an agenda going on somewhere and with someone or many people.

Oh boy, you’re a true narcissist. You are miserable. No wonder you’re unhappy and your kid estranged from you. I see it in you and your words. You proved it here and I can pick apart everything that you’ve said here in fragments and argue against it all. I’m smarter than you and I see it all in you.

To those who think that way, I simply have to chuckle out of amusement. One may think that because they’ve been to university (which I did as well) and have done some searches on the internet, reading article after article, they are smart and I’m stupid. More-so, they may also come to believe that they know me and place or slap judgements or labels upon me and my forehead. They can also twist things according to their wants, agendas, purposes or whatever they wish but, it won’t make them correct anymore than it will to say that the Queen of England or someone else that utters something that they don’t like or want to believe is part of The Illuminati, will it?

I know exactly what I’m doing and why. You and my parents are full of bull! That’s why I estranged myself. I have to protect me and so-and-so is there for me.

I think that I only have one question in that type of statement. Really? Come talk to me or your parents several years down the road if you can or are able to do that much. Best of wishes in that aspect of things and with thinking like that. We’ll see how you are thinking in years to come or if that person or persons or substance, habits, educations etc. are to not be what you think that they are at this moment.

So-and-so told me that you’re (fill in the blanks) and so is my parent that I’m estranged from for the better. You’re just a bitter person!

I used to think the same way. Believing what I wanted to believe about different people because something or someone else told me or because my education had me believing that I was some how a “god”. I’ve eaten my words 10 times over and more now. I even thought of my parents as being “bitter, angry, miserable and unhappy people”. Though I never estranged from my parents, I believed that I was that intelligent that I could outsmart them any day, any time and with everything that they tried to warn me about. At least 60% or better of the time, I listened to them though they’ve proven to be correct more times than I cared to think about. As a matter of fact, in spite of the fact that I had gone for further education and considered myself (at one time) more intelligent than they were with their partial or high school education levels, what I didn’t take into account was their life experience as well as their ability to see things that I didn’t or couldn’t have seen for myself. Instead, I believed my education or others who later proved that they were more messed up mentally and emotionally and who took me down with them in one or many ways.

Yeah, but we all learn in our own time and own ways. You’re not an omnipotent being of any kind. You had to learn and we know more than what you did or your parents.

This is another statement that I’ve heard over and over again. I’m not omnipotent, have made mistakes, will make them and yes, all people grow and learn at the same time. This is why cutting parents out of your life if not true abuse, net and friend/spouse found reasons are important to take into consideration. More often than not, someone else has an agenda that we often may not see or recognize. Those around us who are more mature in both age as well as experience may see things that we don’t or won’t see. That fact needs to be taken into consideration fully.

Education in a classroom setting are one thing. Reading articles, watching downloaded documentaries etc. are another but, to think that all of those pieces or fragments of information are going to lead you out of trouble, is perhaps, the worst thing that one can do because as Bing Crosby has said in “White Christmas”, “everyone has an angle”.

You’re so full of bull that I can’t read anymore! I can pick holes and relate them back to my own life in what you’ve said here and in other pieces that you’ve written. You talk in circles and I had a right to estrange myself. You don’t know me or my life either.

By all means then, if you think that you’re smarter, more intelligent and that my words are full of garbage as well as your parents and their words or advice or their reasonings are full of it, then click off and go read more about that video game that you’re playing or some book or recipe or whatever. I don’t have a gun to your head, do I? You aren’t obligated to read another word I write. I will wish you the very best that I can wish for you. Perhaps, in later years if I’m still here or your parents are, you’ll think differently. However, if you believe yourself to be right and your parents are totally wrong right now and are to be estranged from, remember that you may not be able to go back in time.

I don’t need you, my parents, my siblings or whomever I’ve estranged myself from. Not only did I need to do this for me but, I have others in my life that understand me better.

Ok, so go be with those people then. Don’t let me or your parents, family members or whomever else you may have estranged yourself from stop you. I think that most will fail to see how someone you’ve had in your life a few years by comparison to people who have known you for decades can know you best but, that’s your prerogative. Think what you wish to think and be who you think that you are, doing what you want to do or what it is that you’re following wrought by others. That’s your choice. Remember that much and, remember that once bridges are burned, they may not be able to be repaired ever again. I will leave you here with what you think that you will do if that becomes the case.

From my little corner of life to yours, if you’re the parent of an estranged adult and you know for certain that you didn’t beat the daylights out of your child physically, mentally or emotionally, with thinking such as this in your adult’s minds, estrangement from them may be doing you and I favours. Let them learn the hard way that maybe, just maybe, parents know more than they think that we do about them or others that they are with or what they are doing in or with their lives. Perhaps, with that “all or nothing” style of thinking or following other’s thinking or agendas they are doing us a favour by staying away from us all? Would you really want your adult or those that they are party to tell you who you are and how to live because it’s part of their agenda? Think about that idea and I will continue writing.

Be well, Love and Light,

Have a GREAT day/evening!

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

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