You’re A Place To Lay Blame

Why parents aren't to blame for estranging adult children. Finger pointing shouldn't work any longer.
Pointing fingers never works but being a cushion for everything doesn’t work either

When your adult child estranges from you without any explanation or one that is so far fetched that a parent has to scratch their heads in confusion, there’s often someone or several who have created that situation in their minds that don’t entail you in any way. In reality, it’s about them, not you.

As sad as this is to say, there’s little, if anything that a parent can do to expunge the damage that’s been done. The reason being is that there’s a reason why it’s been made alright for your child to accept this type of thinking. They have their own agendas and you, as their parent, are not part of it.

Estrangement from a parent or parents is literally the act of completely severing any relationship between parent(s) and child. Of course, the term can be used in any type of relationship but, in this context of an adult who has estranged from their parent(s), it’s more to do with the idea that the now adult child no longer feels the need or want to continue on a relationship with their parent(s).

If our adults are willing to oust us as their parents from their lives in order for them to have something or someone else as part of it or, to get what they want, what is it that they do with everyone else who doesn’t agree with what they are doing or who they are with or around most? Do they also get rid of them from their lives as well?

Few parents (short of true abuse or neglect, not the constant harping of others or manufactured beliefs because of someone or several others or themselves) have done anything that would have caused their adult child/children to have estranged from them.

Even if the estranged adult had come up with their reasonings without any influence from others, the reality behind this is that there’s something there that parents in desperation, take responsibility for even without knowing why or what the reasoning is and feel that it’s somehow their faults. That’s Society talking here with shame and blame. It may even be the estranged adult’s reasonings or someone else’s. It’s not necessarily the parent’s blame to take on.

Let’s face it, Society loves to blame others rather than itself. Millions of dollars have been spent on studies that truly simply led to a generation of messed up young or even older now, adults. As children are handed more and more “rights” by Society, everything else has to be blamed and suffer the consequences of its decisions.

How many of us have to sit back and watch governments as they back-peddle in order to deal with or cover up their mistaken choices and decisions? Someone has to take the blame and trust me, it isn’t going to be them (politicians, teachers, therapists, Society or anyone else like that) who take the shame of admitting that a mistake has been made. Our adults have learned from the best. They all know that parent(s) will make the perfect padding upon which to unload their ill choices and decisions. It’s also a well-known fact that parents tend to care so, they will feel the guilt if they don’t take on the fictitious accusations from both Society as well as their adult child or children.

What’s sad is that parents have also been trained by love, concern and forever caring about their children that we are all willing to accept that blame and shame and guilt. After all, it has to be our faults, right? We had to have done something wrong in order to have so many pointing fingers our way. It was our “job” to raise those children properly but, do so under the scruples of Society’s billions of dollars worth of studies that went wrong.

When an adult child gets ahold of a gun or knife and kills someone or severely injures them, it’s the parent’s fault, right?

If an adult child smokes cigarettes, that’s the parent’s faults.

When an adult child gets sent to school and misbehaves, never mind the mental health issue that the child has and the parent(s) can’t afford the help that these professionals charge or the school won’t identify their issue so, it goes untreated, it’s the parent(s) faults that the child is the way that the child is or has been.

Forget the point that the parent(s) have tried every resource available to them but, the now adult child doesn’t want to take any responsibility for their own lives, errors or anything else that comes up in their lives like working or going for further education, them laying around while playing video games all day, having no friends etc.. It’s the parent’s faults and that adult child now has learned where to point the finger rather than taking responsibility for themselves and their choices.

Parents get divorced rather than living a horrible life together but, it has to be one or the other’s faults for the divorce. Dad or Mom or someone else or several on the other side of the family have talked about the other so, it has to be true because that wedding or new car is being paid for by the other parent and the one being talked about is to blame. They are getting something out of being that way. It’s often more to do with what they are getting out of the other parent than it has to do with anything the estranged parent could have said or done.

One need only look at the debacle involving governments having legalized weed while taking away flavoured cigarettes, cigars and even vaping as a method of getting off of cigarettes because some moron in a corner store is charging a small fortune to underage children. How hypocritical is it for governments to allow guns, knives and such with mental health issues and not ban them while taking away everything else for “safety reasons”? It’s called money. They get more taxes and revenues from the weed than they do other things. Pressures from lobbyists and the almighty buck count most. These governments aren’t out to save anyone else’s skin. They’re out to make a buck to put where they won’t admit they don’t have the money for updating it all like housing, mental health facilities. Fairly soon, they’d be strapping oxygen meters to our backs if they can make a buck off of it or pass the buck onto others for their mistakes while attempting to holograph halos over their heads in the name of personal safety. It’s mostly a guise for “oopps…” and you can fill in the blanks here.

I digress though lest this piece be so long that no one will read it.

Suffice it to say that a lot of what happens in life is more to do with ulterior motives brought about by someone else’s needs or buck passing rather than anything that a parent can do or has done to their adult children in cases where true abuse didn’t take place.

From my little corner of life to yours, it’s wiser to take a good look around you at a Society that simply loves to pass the plate and find a cushy spot on which to rest blame rather than the true source. If you haven’t truly abused your adult who has estranged from you, don’t be that cushy spot if you can help it that is, upon which to place blame, shame and whatever else can be dished out. You are every bit as much a part of this world as anyone else is. Remember that much and start tossing it back wherever possible. Don’t accept it. You’re not a pin cushion!

Best of wishes! Love and Light,

Have a GREAT day/evening if you’re reading this piece.

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

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