I feel like we all as parents, need to be “Norma Rae”. Where’s my table to stand upon and shout out to all that we need to stand up and scream out that we’ve had enough of bull? That’s what this is all about, pure bull. For few adults in this life, there’s little reason for estranging oneself from parents unless there were to have been true abuse. Unfortunately, many won’t or don’t recognize when there’s been true abuse or where it’s all been created in their minds through some other person or influence upon them.
Parents aren’t “Toxic, Narcissists” or whatever other terms that they come up with while they cry on someone else’s shoulder.
True abuse and neglect aside, which does happen and we are not talking about those adults, I’ve seen so many work up reasonings that make the most trivial of details into something that requires them to estrange then, cry out that it’s their parent’s faults and beg to be felt sorry for by something or someone.
Let’s all simply say that the reasonings are totally out of whack with what’s been done to them. Their friends, bosses, teachers, co-workers, “significant others”, religions and other factors have done far worse to them than parents could ever dream of having done in most cases yet, parents will be slapped with labels and coloured with the same crayons. All of this is to justify their actions or choices. Pure and simple.
Sadly, many parents who have had their child or children estrange from them will bow down, keep quiet and not say a word because they are either feeling guilty, shamed, embarrassed or some half-baked, misguided “therapist” has told them that the child is always right. This isn’t some department store where “the customer is always right”. It’s real life and it’s happening more often than it has. The difference is that parents are beginning to realize that it’s time to wake up and talk versus sitting quietly, crying into a mound of tissues, hiding their faces and voices lest they make things worse. How much worse can one get than having no contact hearing crickets, getting back hateful responses or being slapped with self or search engined loosely defined labels?
Isn’t it time for parents who have been estranged from to stand up for themselves?
It doesn’t seem to matter what was truly done or not for that estranged adult, the fact that they have little tolerance for anyone who disagrees with anything that they want in life is showing most of us that our darlings have been over pampered, given far too many rights and yes, even information that is enough to get them into trouble but, not enough to get them out of it.
Let’s call a donkey’s butt a donkey’s butt rather than calling it anything else and wracking ourselves up into a stew of guilt, shame and blame. Our now adults are alive, most of them are that way because we, as parents, did a lot for them. It doesn’t matter what we did for them, the reality is that we raised them to the point of being able to breathe. While there are as many stories as one can think of coming out of these adult’s mouths, the truth is that none of them know what it is that they’re speaking of because either someone else with an agenda or something that they’ve heard elsewhere, has given them the idea that we are bad for them in one way or another. Yet, there they are, alive, living as they have deemed necessary, proclaiming that they are better off without parents as part of their lives.
Meanwhile, parents of estranged adults are sitting back, fear riddled, guilt filled, shamed and blamed into a corner where they will sit quietly, hoping and crying about the estrangement. It’s time for parents to rise up and say that they aren’t going to take it anymore rather than hiding from others who may ask questions or think that they are being blamed. So what if you are? Who truly cares? You know the reality that even if you’ve transgressed something, there’s more good that you’ve done than bad for your estranged adults.
Even if blame, shame and guilt have been accepted, does sitting in a corner, crying or doing everyday chores with a box of tissues beside you or up your sleeve if you’re like me, actually change anything in your adult who has estranged? Does it change your situation in any way? Are you hanging onto hope that they will return to you if you’re quiet enough about it all? How’s that working out for you? it’s not worked out for me except that the tissue manufacturers are getting higher profit margins as are these deluded, misguided, uninformed professionals.
From my little corner of life, I’ve done a lot of research and I recognize that it’s time that estranged parents stood up, be counted, voice what’s on their minds, toss the shame, blame and hope blankets that we’ve all been wearing to the side and actually do something about this situation before more and more parents are wracked with pain of some kind or another. What about you?
Have your say below in comments.
Be well, Love and Light,
Have a GREAT day/evening!