Are You Afraid Of Speaking Up And Out

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Are Parents Afraid of Speaking Out About Estrangement? 

Everyone is an individual.  Circumstances are different.  In other words, no 2 people are alike just as no 2 estrangements are the same.  What is of an issue though are the questions of:

1.  What if my adult or someone I know, know it’s me reading and talking about this issue?

2.  I can’t comment because I’m fearful.  What will this do to my estrangement issues?  Will it make it worse?

As stated above already in the opening, it’s purely individual and, I am not a professional.  I will give some food for thought though on the estrangement issue.

First of all, no one should freely talk about personal issues by using their real name or geographical location on the net.  There are far too many out there in this world, on the net, to distrust in regards to personal information.  If you’re wise, you’ll use an alternative name, email address and even change up certain criteria to ensure that you’re not picked out and recognized.  In other words, make up your screen name and have an email address created solely for the purpose of using it on the net no matter what the topic.

Secondly, ask yourself if you truly believe that keeping quiet totally, even with a concealed identity, is going to change your situation for the better with your estranged adult(s).  A good percentage of parents have been estranged from by their adult “children” now for years and in spite of biting their fists, tongues, keeping quiet, not saying a word, their adults still remain estranged.  Is it going to change your adult’s mind by you keeping quiet until you’re 6′ under if they don’t want to be part of your life?  Only you can answer that for yourself but, look at the odds and situation and think that answer over carefully.  Be honest with yourself, not simply how you think it should be but, how it has been all along.  Has it made any difference for you as a parent and perhaps, grandparent?  Think about the answers you give to yourself.

Thirdly, even if people you know, are indeed, following your every move online and even those who have the latest technology and may be able to detect that it’s you somehow in spite of your covering up, think about what it is that the person is truly doing and why.  Someone who spends as much time as they are, tracking your every move, has a vested interest in doing this.  Remember that it takes time, energy, effort and perhaps, even money for them to do this.  Ask yourself why they’d be doing that, let alone being so interested in you.  Were it to be your adult child, there’s some care there in them as to what you’re doing even if it appears to you to be negative in tone.  If it’s someone else in your life, they’re up to no good and they’re going to get you one way or another.  Does that mean that you should never, ever speak a word out lest someone else twist and turns you, your words, your actions, your buying power or whatever it is that they’ve chosen to focus on against you and you’ve bottled it all up inside because of that person?  What’s that doing to you, as a person?  Where are your rights as a person to be a person or are you a silent puppet?

Writing to me is great.  I truly enjoy and like it when commenters write to me.  That’s why I put up my email address for everyone to see on YouTube.  However, I will say that while I respect everyone’s rights to do as they feel best doing, I do have issues with those who proclaim that they read or watch every single thing that I do or say but, cannot comment on anything lest they are found out.  In other words, if someone has never commented, liked or been actively involved in their own circumstances or issues, how can I help them?

While I have trouble getting around to everyone who comments or emails me, let it be known that I do read and take what everyone has to say into account.  It’s the timing for me, what I’m trying to do or not do in other ways (remember that my only or sole purpose in Life isn’t to convince other parents or grandparents what they should do or shouldn’t.  I do have a job and other things as well as people in my life as well who all need some of my energy and time too as well as simply to put up my feet at times too and watch a good movie or two as part of my mental health and physical health).  This all goes to say that if you aren’t commenting or taking part in anything that I’m saying or doing, please don’t expect to have the white glove service from all of this either.  I can only hope that what I have already said has been enough to help in some way or another.

Let it also be acknowledged that if I write a piece in this space (which I have been doing since 2012 by the way), do a YouTube video and take the time, energy and effort to do so, even with having to borrow a camera and having even borrowed a computer but, are only getting a couple of hundred views in spite of having done over a year and a half’s work at writing this piece, I’m not going to do it forever or for everyone and for free.  I get NOTHING from Facebook posts, emails, YouTube videos, Twitter or anything else that I do.  I do it because I care.  End of story.  If no one is watching, reading, liking or few of you, I’m not going to continue doing it.  That would be stupid of me.  I’m wasting time, energy and effort that I could be turning onto other things.

That being said, I do care about what’s going on with everyone who has been estranged from.  I simply want to hear from those who are in this situation even though it is under an assumed name with circumstances changed.

On that note, I will end here and allow you all to decide what helps, why, what you plan to do or not do and I’m about to go on with making dinner.

Be well, Stay safe,

Love and Light!

 

 

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

3 thoughts on “Are You Afraid Of Speaking Up And Out

  1. Hi Margie:

    I’m keeping this un-published because you’ve expressed concerns about “being found out”. Let me ask something here. Who wears the pants…you or your adult(s) who have estranged themselves? In other words, who has “control” over this situation, you or them? Did they not make the choice to estrange from parents? How’s not speaking up about it working out for anyone who is a parent? Is that bringing them back by the hordes or are they continuing on with their choices?

    The reason that I’m asking these questions is because once someone or several make their choices, are others not entitled to their own reactions to those choices when it’s gone on for a while? In other words, if I chose to kick a ball into a window that I knew would break the glass and it did break it, would the person who owned the house have to sit back and quietly just replace the glass or would they be entitled to asking me to pay for it and, perhaps, even speaking up and out about the situation? What if I kept on doing it every time this person got the glass in the window replaced, knowing that “hey…they’re not going to do or say anything about my choice”? What do you think would be the way to stop me from kicking the ball into the glass window and breaking it? Staying silent? Not speaking up? Being afraid of my choices and not saying a word but, continuing to let me break the glass over and over again? Put up plastic/plexiglass on every window in the house? Really, what would work to stop me from doing it…my choice…and continuing to do it…especially, if I’d been ticked off at my bike or a friend or just had a bad day at school or was fed up with rules in my home? Would this person whose window I kept breaking (and, likely, even if they put up plastic windows but, never said a word to me or about me) change what I did or didn’t do? I will leave it there for you to think about if you haven’t done so already.

    Now, a lot of people who are parents of estranged children tend to be over the age of 50 yrs of age which makes them technology challenged so to speak. Can you and others sign up for a new email address? Can you all comment on blog posts or watch YouTube videos? If so, you have the power with which to speak up.

    While it’s wise to not use proper information in general on the net, one can make up a free email address, get a VPN (changes your computer or phone IP address so that you can appear to be commenting from Africa or Thailand if you wish to do so and comment or, have your say.

    What I THINK is the real problem is that parents are hiding in shame and the hopes that if they’re quiet enough or good enough, they will get their kids back into their lives again. That’s why I asked the question of “how’s that working out for you all?” What’s to stop me from kicking a ball through a glass window and breaking it or many other windows over and over again if no one speaks up and out? For that matter, what’s to even deter everyone else from doing the same thing? There’s no one going to yell or kick up a fuss or anything. Why not continue it on?

    I feel as though I’m fighting a battle where parents are allowing their estranged adults to kick that figurative ball through that glass, breaking it over and over again and few are speaking up or out about it. I cannot do it alone. If parents aren’t going to speak up and out, they may as well be replacing glass in windows in silence and putting up a sign in the new windows, saying, “please don’t break this”. Do you get what I’m saying here and why?

    NO matter what you choose to do or not do or, anyone else for that matter, I wish you all well. I just cannot keep doing this by myself.

    Best wishes and HUGE HUGS XO XO XO

    Like

  2. Yes, honeyandpapa, I recognize that many parents are truly afraid of commenting on the topic.

    I see that much.

    I will say though that I’m about at the end of my “opinion” on the topic though and I’m finding other things to go on with now as well.

    Thank you so very much for your comment! I won’t necessarily be stopping this altogether but, I will surely not be putting up as much about it now.

    Like

  3. I read every one and you have helped me so much! But I am one in many who are reserved at commenting.

    Thank you for bringing the his topic to the front lines along with your extensive research.

    Liked by 1 person

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