Being in the middle of a global pandemic gives us all time. Actually, it gives us all loads of time to think. Perhaps, it’s too much time to think. In spite of having the best of intentions of doing things around the house, like cleaning or tossing or whatever, we come to realize 2 things. The first is that we have no where to put the things that we wanted to get rid of and no one was going to come and get it and secondly, we recognized rather quickly that if we didn’t have something already within our grasps, we weren’t about to get them now, even if we ordered them online and could afford it. Some things, we couldn’t even get no matter how we tried.
I did come to realize a few things though
- It became obvious that doing good wasn’t any measure of how you, yourself would be thought of or treated
- Doing things the “right way” according to everyone else’s thoughts and therefore, your own, only leads to more being used
- When you absolutely can’t do anything more for someone, they’re mad at you, don’t know why they are and will cook up stories about you within themselves
- People will come to believe about you whatever the heck they want to believe to suit their own purposes whether they are right or not and treat you according to those beliefs
- No matter how much you do for others and they’ve profited by it in some way or another, you’re not going to be included or wanted around anymore than what they did before
- One can consider themselves “blessed” if they have a lot of people around them but, at what price are those people around us? Have we paid in some way for these people to be around us? Was it worth it? Where are they now?
- People can be as wonderful or right or do whatever someone else wants in order to please them but, when that stops, their care about you stops too
- We can all serve purposes in other people’s lives but, when we’ve outlived that purpose, they’re not going to chase us or want us around or even care
- Once others get what they wanted from you and have something else on the burner, cooking…they’re not interested in you any longer. It doesn’t matter how many back flips you’ve done for them, they have moved onto other things that seem more important to them at that time
- Once someone realizes that they need something, they may be back at your door or on the phone or touching base with you again. Do you really want them around?
- If you’re not included in the good times, that’s a sure sign that you’re not wanted. It’s more about what you can do for them that they’re interested in. Give up.
- Live, Love and Laugh because this isn’t a dress rehearsal for your life. This is it. Let others realize that you’re not their doormats upon which to wipe their feet on a muddy or snowy day. You’re a real person with feelings too and there’s only so much that you’re going to take and put up with before you also walk off into the sunset.
- When you believe that someone is coming around to seeing things your way, there are a couple of questions that you should ask yourself such as, a) is this temporary to get what they want and they’re going to be gone again b) am I being used as a stepping stone or doormat again and possibly the biggest question that needs answering is, c) do I really want to get back into being used again no matter what they say? (There is always that possibility and even a likelihood that it’s happening that way)
- No one, and I mean NO ONE is “busy” 24/7. While someone may say something like “I know it’s been 3 months since I called you last or came by to see you or we went out for dinner, I was “busy”. The old “I have been SO busy lately” can be understood once, maybe twice if you are certain that they are indeed that busy or they’ve been on vacation or not sick however, once that time frame is over, they cannot be that “busy” that they can’t take 2 minutes to call or see you or even text you to say that they are busy. That goes double for when there’s a holiday of some kind. If they cannot think of you at those points and call you at bare minimum, you’re really not that important to them at that time frame
- When someone only calls or texts you at odd times and they get into problems, they are usually telling you that they don’t want anything to do with you other than what you can do for them. Take that as a sign of who they are and your relationship with them as well as why it happens this way
You are a person too and so am I. We have or should have the that we have feelings too, as others do and, we can then realize that we haven’t been put on this earth solely to serve others nor, need we do it unless they are paying us to do these types of things. We are therefore, as human as they are so, when someone is only around because of what we can or will do for them, they are the ones who need the realization that we need to have lives and not be so “helpful”. We are being used.
Being a parent doesn’t mean that we forever owe our “kids”
Adults who are unhappy in their lives, are often searching for ways to blame someone for their own bad or poor choices. If they are genetically predisposed to an ailment, blaming genetics could be some place to put that blame however, to place it upon a parent or parents isn’t ok.
If your parent doesn’t like your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or others in your life like friends, take it that they simply don’t like them. There’s often a reason and that is as good as your reasoning for liking that person. Was that taken into consideration or was that person more important than your own parent(s)? Is what parents can do for their adult kids more important than the parent? If a child even though they are adults now, are only around a parent for what they can get or to get back at another parent or keeping their kids from grandparents, there’s a signal that the adult is only around for what they can get. What’s that saying about that child turned adult?
It’s an age old story that people have given off or out when they are unhappy with something or themselves in this life that they didn’t ask to be born. To the best of our knowledge as human beings on this planet, no one here asked to be born. I know that I didn’t ask nor, did my parents or theirs or theirs and on down the line. No one living asked. While a parent or parents have the onus to give their children the necessities of Life, they are not obliged to do so beyond the age at which a child can do most things for themselves. At the age of 16 to 18 years of age, unless there’s a mental disability, parents do not owe their offspring anything further. They certainly don’t owe them weddings, cars, cell phones, tablets, computers or anything else that can be thought of by these now adults. When they blame the parents or place blame upon them and try to spin the wheel by saying things like, “you’re to blame”, “you’re toxic to me” or “you owe me”, it can be said that this now adult person is not taking responsibility for themselves or their own lives, mistakes or choices.
People aren’t all toxic so, why put that on someone’s forehead?
Nothing irks me more than hearing someone else tell someone that they’re “toxic”. To that, I have to ask myself and even them if they’re not considering themselves to be “toxic” to themselves?
Seriously, when they’ve come up with all sorts of reasons why they’d consider someone else as “toxic” that’s usually code for, “I hate my life as it is and it will be so much better if I don’t have (fill in the blanks) as part of it”.
In part, that may be true. Not because their lives are instantly going to improve if you or someone else were to be out of them but, it’s tell-tale that the person doing the labelling of being “toxic” is likely one of convenience rather than taking responsibility for themselves or their own lives.
What’s certain is that there are going to be plenty of people in and out of our lives who aren’t going to make our lives somehow instantly better. There are going to be difficult people who are in and out of our lives, not the least of which may include bosses, friends and what doesn’t get realized often enough, are those who are around the most, such as kids, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, wives etc.. It’s all convenient to blame someone else rather than say to ourselves, “yup, that person isn’t the way that I’d prefer them to be but, I care so, I will put up with them”…unless of course, that person is a boss in which case, they will be put up with in order to keep their jobs and have what they want in life. It’s far easier for them to oust relatives from their lives by calling them or considering them as “toxic” than to figure out what may be going on within themselves or their own lives? How many others has that person gotten rid of or exited their lives?
I’m a narcissist, you’re a narcissist, wouldn’t you like to be a narcissist too?
Pathetically, those who slap that label on someone else’s foreheads without a professional diagnosis wrought by proper testings, may be the most narcissistic of all and not even realize that they are being that way.
Hearing that term makes many wonder if those who are walking around, calling others narcissistic even know more than what they’ve read on the net? It’s a broadly overused term with which to lay blame or unhappiness onto others who don’t deserve to be called that label.
If being a narcissist is relevant to anyone, it belongs to everyone on this planet in one way or another. After all, how many of us want to be alive? How many of us aren’t thinking of ourselves when we’re in trouble? Doesn’t it make sense that any time someone stands back and doesn’t get involved in something, they are thinking of self? Does that not mean that every single living being on this planet isn’t a bit narcissistic then and I could go on and on and on with examples but, I think that if one were to think about it hard enough, one would realize that everyone is narcissistic even those running around, slapping the narcissist’s label on other’s foreheads.
From my little corner of life to yours, there have been weeks and even months whereby a lot of other things could have been done but, weren’t. However, thinking too much as become abundant instead. With thinking though, comes some realizations. They aren’t wrong as much as they are whatever one feels and thinks. This is especially true of those who have had so much from others.
On that note, I hope all is well with you and that you’re staying well.
Love and Light!