What most people often don’t think about or realize is that someone like me, has issues in their life too. It’s not like everything brings cake and ice cream or sprinkles and rainbows. There are problems but, they don’t care. Why? It’s more than likely because they’ve never had to concern themselves with worry about us and more often due to the idea that we’ve done everything that we could for them. That’s especially true during times of troubles for them. In other words, we’ve had to turn ourselves and our lives, inside out for them. Do they care? Not really. Why?
People like this have been trained by us to rely upon us for help whenever they wanted or needed it and we were there for them with bells on.
Someone who doesn’t care that you may have needs too, minimize your needs or make our problems less than they are. After all, we’ve helped them through so much that they feel that they are #1 and always should be to you.
People who don’t recognize that we have issues, problems and troubles too and at least attempt to help you out are oftentimes more concerned about themselves and their own issues. As a matter of fact, your concerns may either appear to be or be made to be, less than anyone else’s, especially their own.
Even if they’ve said that they don’t care to have “drama” as part of their lives, they actually may thrive on it and if it’s not there, they’ll produce it. Why? Because it gives them something to whine about and keep you on their string or, it could be because they mean that they want someone who will pay attention to them and their issues.
They manufacture, conjure, dream up or twist around the facts so that they are the only ones without blame. It’s always someone else’s faults, never theirs. They have a right to their thoughts and you have none or aren’t supposed to have them. You’re supposed to always agree and do as they want. Others in their lives do as far as they are concerned and if they don’t, these types of people will see to it that they do via one method or another. It’s called “control”. This is where the 2 + 2 = 5 thinking comes into play. That 5, be it wrong or right (we know that it’s wrong), is right in their worlds and minds and they will make it 5 in everyone else’s minds around them who don’t think for themselves or, who are out to use these people for whether they give or not.
It’s easy to see that in others if one is to think back about it.
How often were you available in every way possible for someone but, when you needed something, you got nothing except a fleeting thought?
Were you able to express your problems? Did you stop because you’d always done the helping and listening and thought that they might be bored if you did talk about your issues more? What if it was because you thought about them first and what they may be going through? Have you always been the one who has called, checked in or done for them and now, you’ve been slapped in the face in some way or another and can’t be bothered anymore? Has it become a hassle that you’ve finally seen isn’t worthy of another tear, lost night’s sleep or concern?
If it’s the last sentence above, it’s likely that the person/people that you’re thinking of needed to be out of your life. In other words, doing, doing, doing and more doing for them wasn’t going to solve it. Oh yes, as long as you watched your mouth, agreed with everything, gave them everything of yourself and plainly gave and gave to them, you may have stayed in their lives but, one disagreement area meant that they were off and out of. your life.
Those are signs that it was a “receivership” and not a relation no matter what you thought it may have been. Truth is that you were likely the one who was doing all of their bidding and as long as you were doing that for them, you may have been ok. If you were doing everything that they wanted, saying the right things, etc., you may have been being used until they found someone else or others who would do for them and frankly, Dear, they didn’t give a damn about you at all.
A wise therapist once said to me that people don’t respect people who don’t respect themselves. How true that is. Another said to me years later that doing for others in order to have a warm body beside them was a fool’s game and how true that was as well.
Reality is that I’ve recognized that I’m no one’s puppet and I shouldn’t have been for so long. Better to have recognized that now than to never see the light, isn’t it? Sadly, extremely sadly, that means that many people weren’t worthy of my time, energy or effort for a great deal of the time that I had them in my life. It was long ago time to let them go after, of course, voicing my own concerns, issues, troubles, problems and such. In other words, they weren’t meant to be given as much of me as I had given them. They were in fact, “toxic” to my life and honestly, they were more than likely, “narcissists” or concerned so greatly with themselves and their own lives that they weren’t worthy of being given all that I had given them both of myself and my life.
So, what happens next?
I simply “give up”. I don’t care to chase, to pander or to give to them any longer.
Let them think what they want to think.
Give them room to figure out that I’m no longer available for their issues or to give to them. They will. There will come a time when they will want something from me and guess what? I won’t be running to them to give it to them.
From my little corner of life to yours, let go of those who think 2 + 2 = 5. They are lost and manufacturing that number. Let them think it if they want to. Let them re-write the math or whatever scripts that they’ve written and swallowed. They will anyway. Why try to stop them? Stop yourself instead from the “toxicity” even if that means waving “goodbye” to them for good. They weren’t honest with themselves or you to begin with and they were only in a relationship with you because of what they got from you. Everyone has their time of receiving. If they’ve found someone else to take your place, you weren’t worth it to them and you won’t be. That’s on them, not you. Take it for what it is.
Love and Light!