Have Your Say: Are You Getting or Are You Finding Yourself Depressed

Depression now?

Are you ruminating too much during this Covid pandemic?

I don’t know about you but, I’ve found myself with far more to think about than I ever have. It’s not that there’s a lack of things that need doing but, it’s more that I’ve been thinking about things far more than I should, I suppose. What’s really bothering me is that I can do little about the situation of Covid nor, can I change much within my life because of this pandemic.

I don’t blame people for not wanting to work, work indoors, come inside people’s homes or such as I don’t want them to either. It’s beyond me that people are even contemplating school, sending their children, out at these stores where people have to work hour, upon hour. What’s really bothering me is that there’s so little that I can change on my own or even find nowadays. I’m in a depression, I think and I can’t get out of it no matter how many things I’ve tried to do for myself.

Things like a walk or a jog (yeah, like I can do that now after so many months of basically sitting around) can become “old hat”. It doesn’t matter how much a route is varied up, the point is that it’s becoming habitual. It’s no longer a thrill or even a must. It’s become part of a routine.

Washing hair daily or the thought of putting on some type of make-up has become a “what for” type of scenario. After all, “who is going to see me” is one question that stops me from even doing that much. Up until summer hit, I was barely putting on pants every day and just barely showering or brushing my teeth. Lovely scene in your head now, huh? The fact was the summer did hit and I was at the least, going outdoors more often even if it was to escape the a/c which I later turned down in order to not have to shiver when indoors too long.

It’s conceivable that anxiety and depression go hand in hand or that this pandemic has everyone somewhat anxious. I can see how that can be. What I long for is the day when the scientists tell us all that it’s gone or is well under control. Will I be with a wheelchair then? I say that with a half-smile but, meaning it as though it may be the case if I don’t move this wide load more now.

There’s Christmas to get through and Thanksgiving with no one around to get together with. There’s little use in putting on makeup to cover it up with a mask that will become plastered with makeup that no one will see. No one can tell us if even Halloween is still on. I don’t think that I’ll be buying any chocolate bars to give out this year. If I had my now adult who has estranged herself from her entire past, family, friends, uncles and cousins, I wouldn’t send her out either this year. Who knows though what next year will bring?

Still, when there were photos of jokes with people saying that they were taking a trip to their livingrooms for Easter, it got to me.

I suppose that mainstream media news sources sell airtime with the horrific details and negative news while we’re all clinging onto some type of hope for better days. While I was never one to go out much before, at the least, I could do so if I wanted to and when. Now? Not so much.

It’s not exactly wise to open up your eyes and look at Covid numbers or hear politicians in “campaign speeches” is it? That’s one thing that I should cut out doing. I needn’t hear the numbers every single day. No one should. That may be of help. I can’t interpret them anyway and they only seem to serve those who have to be traced anyway with lags in between the numbers anyway. What, for instance, we hear on a Friday, may have indeed occured a week or two ago? Then, we have add and subtract numbers to compensate for double entries and so much more that it makes one’s head spin with what’s real and what isn’t. What’s being manipulated, how, why or who is being tested and how that all works too. We don’t know and it’s not for us to decode the numbers anyway.

Add to this all the fact that no matter what I’ve tried online, it’s of little use because it’s a) summer, b) everyone is glued to the news or, c) people are working from home if they’re doing so and finally, d) I cannot compete with celebrities who have taken over the net with things. Why don’t they have separate areas or channels for them? Don’t they have fame enough already?

When I roll over to get up every day, I have to ask myself one question, “what am I getting up for”? I look at my dog’s little face and think, “he needs me and his life is going by. He doesn’t understand the concept of a pandemic and even were there to be none, while I might be freer to do things, his little life is as it is as well”. He gets me up every day just by looking at me and without doing so much as a whimper to be let out or fed. He’s just him.

That all said, vent away here. What are you facing? How are you coping? What are you doing to keep yourself up or are you down like me? Have your say!

Be well, stay well,

Love and Light!

Published by ponderinglifetoo

I'm a wife, mother, artist, photographer and bookkeeper. I love writing out my thoughts in journals but, am finding my way to sharing these with others now.

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