Even with estrangement having been in the works and background, I think we’ve (husband and I) have learned a lot from raising a child to a fully grown, adult. Now, we can do no more. It’s one of the hats that we have worn and tried but there’s nothing left for us to do in spite of us and especially, me being called a “narcissist” by commenters who possess no further education to be able to call me/us that or slap labels on our foreheads as such. They are not psychologists or psychiatrists and they didn’t even watch entire videos or even more than 30 seconds of it if they did at all. How is that they have the authority or was it self appointed? Likely the latter.
So, how does anyone get their estranged adult back into their lives? They don’t. These adults have made up their minds as to what you as parents have allegedly done even if it was re-writing or justifying their own reasons and calling everyone who doesn’t agree with them or their stances “toxic, narcissists” or whatever their hearts desire to say. They have no qualifications and I have been through test after test by 3 different therapists to say that I’m NOT. So, what gives them the right? It’s plain and simple. They want it. They’re mad/angry and they really want to get back at everyone who says differently even if they never watch or listen or read. Oh heck, can they even read an article? That’s the question that I have to ask. Title it “Ralph Smart” though and they read it. Better yet, they want their parents to change to suit their needs or wants at this moment. Oh yes, these needs and wants will likely change (and remember that loads of adults who were beaten and had addicted parents are still with their parents but that’s not what we’re talking about here…though lots of adults who have estranged will not read this far into this article.
So, having said that much…I’m giving up on the entire thing now. Let sleeping adults do as they will. I’ve worn the hat and I and husband/father has too so now it’s up to the estranged to do as they please. They will anyway and frankly, I’ve tried and gotten back what amounts to a reason…justification for doing as they are doing. Give it to them. That’s what they want…or think that they do…give it to them and wish them well while you’re doing it. That’s it. That’s the entire crux of the matter. Hand them their walking papers and don’t look back at what they’ve done. You and I and everyone else has raised a child to adulthood or have raised several of them so now it’s up to the estranged adults to live their own lives for whatever their reasons which only they will have in mind. I’ve tried and so has husband. Give up trying now and put it down to your past like you’ve done with so many other things that you’ve done in Life. It was a choice and job that you’ve done. Walk away from it all now. No one can make them see what they will not see or want to believe. Why try…unless you’re a glutton for punishment and being called names or walked off on again and again.
So…this blog will change topics as will my methods. Enough with the estrangement aspect of my life now.
From my little corner of life to yours, as with Harry and Meghan…your adults who have estranged are NOT your issue anymore. You’ve done your job whether they liked it or not or feel free to slap labels onto everyone’s foreheads or whether they watch, listen or read anything. It’s not up to you or I or anyone else. They are as they are and you’ve done your work as a parent. You’ve raised them to adulthood and given them life. Give up now and walk away. They have! Why not you too and me?
Best wishes and stay safe!
Love and Light!