There are so many younger adults who come into read pieces on estrangement who colour all parents with the same “crayon” or brush that they’ve coloured or painted their own parents and assume that every parent must have done something wrong for their child(ren) to have estranged. Let’s get one thing perfectly clear here. There are those who feel that they are “setting boundaries” while completely abandoning parents, perhaps, they have re-written their histories or many other things like estranging from EVERYONE from their pasts. Their reasonings for having estranged are as varied as they come. That’s not to say that true abuse doesn’t happen but it’s to say that histories DO get re-written and as soon as I hear the label of toxic or narcissist slapped upon me or other’s foreheads by these EAC’s I KNOW that there is some type of influence at play in one way or the other such as a website, book (sold by everyone who can put one out), someone else who pays their bills (ie: husband, wife or other parent who wants to use money as a pawn or other things).
Remember that there is a difference between setting a “boundary” and abandonment. That is especially true when someone is able to estrange themselves via some means other than walking away or talking it over with a “counsellor”. Even the “elite” professionals tend to give out some pretty wild advice/opinions based upon one side of the story and let me tell you that the side presented does not often resemble what really took place. More key is that most therapists have only one hour or less of classes on estrangement throughout their entire journey and are only hearing one side of the story. They are not hearing 3 sides of it..the parent, the now adult child’s story and somewhere in the middle is the “truth”. That’s what they don’t hear. The EAC won’t usually permit it to happen or will blame the parent(s) anyway.
The next time that someone doesn’t want to come back or read anything else that I’ve written on several different topics that don’t involve estrangement, it’s telling me that they are still convincing themselves that they’ve done right and get angry at me or any other parent who comments.
When an EAC goes in search of any information concerning estrangement and dislike it or spout off at the mouth, it’s likely because they want back-up in their arsenals for estrangement or are unsure that they’ve done the right thing. When they find pieces on estrangement that go against their “weapons” they get angry and want to revolt against me or any other parent or person who agrees. It is a sure sign that these EAC’s are looking for information that will help them not go against them but there are reasons why they are looking and reading/have watched my blog and YouTube Channel (which seems to have been caught in a glitch with the pandemic. No explanation was given and I’m still waiting on it?).
That said, we all need reinforcement of some type. Parents/grandparents need it too so, this blog is for those who need help in that manner and NOT for those who have estranged and are looking for backing.
Have a GREAT day.
Love and Light!