Whether or not you as a parent, are told that you need to change yourselves, you’d need to ask yourself if you wish to or not and how you’d go about it. Do you really need to change and would you wish to do it? Those are the questions that only you can answer for yourselves.
It goes without saying that parents are people too. We have pasts and are who we are because of it all. If anyone thinks that because they want you to change who you are, you’d need to ask yourself a few questions.
Who is it who is telling you this about yourself(ves)?
Is changing who you are really going to change them in any good way?
Do you believe that you need to change who you are to gain something back?
What happens when they change (and they most certainly will at some point or another)?
Now if you answered that it’s you who needs to change and you know why and how, and are thinking on doing it, go right ahead. Do it.
If you’ve answered no to these then you are like several million other people who don’t speak up but who have been told that they need to change something about themselves or many things or perhaps, entirely.
What is going to be asked of you to ask yourself is do you believe that you need to change something or many things about yourself or have you been told by someone else?
If you’ve answered “it’s because someone else told me to change”, then you have only 2 choices here. Either change because it’s what you know needs to be done or don’t change because they will change eventually too and what then?
It’s obvious that parents are simply people who have children. We all have pasts, influences from them as well as experiences. Do we know it all? Of course not but let’s be real here in saying that no one on this planet has all of the answers to everything not even those who believe that you need to change. More to the point is what happens when they, themselves, have enough behind them that they change again? Are you going to change to suit them and their changes then too or are you going to say to yourself, “oh well…that’s their choice/experiences in Life, not mine”?
In saying that you’re going to change, do so because you want to do it or feel the need to do it and can do it. Don’t do it because someone else tells you that it needs to be done or they’ll fire you.
Let’s just suppose that a boss came up to you and told you that you’d have to change everything that you believed in or they’d fire you as an employee. What then? What would you do?
That would all depend upon how much you needed that job, right? Would you really change or would you present yourself to them as having changed or is it even possible for you to do?
Now supposing that a co-worker for instance, came up to you and told you that you didn’t suit them as you were. Would you change or would you tell them where to go or even ignore them the best that you could? Perhaps, you’d tell the boss or HR? Either way, you likely wouldn’t change anything, right?
Supposing that you were a certain religion and someone else told you that it was bad to be of that religion if you truly believed in it? Would you believe yourself and your instincts or that person? Would you change religions because someone thought of it as bad even though you’d been that religion from a small age and perhaps, your whole life or would you decide that it’s them that need to change their opinion of you and walk away? Would you keep trying with them to get them to see your point of view?
Every last one of us on this planet has a past. Some have more than others do but in effect, your trials and tribulations are yours and yours alone, right? While someone may lose every member of their family to deaths, others may lose a hamster or a dog or cat and call you both even. Maybe, you were treated badly as a child and decided that you’d never treat anyone the way that you were acted upon? Does that make the people who want you to change something or many things about yourself right and you wrong?
Perhaps, they are doing the same things that you have already done and are feeling as though they know it all. Do they? Do they really? Don’t you have some experiences too? Are they right and you are wrong or are you only different in the way that you’re doing things? Have times changed or are they going to change as they too gain more experiences? Do they expect that you’re going to change who you are to suit who they are especially given the times? Who is to say that they’re not going to be told to change themselves too even if they believe that they won’t ever come to that point in Life? Are you to change to please them now? What about later on if they do experience what you’ve experienced? Are you going to accept blame and or shame for their choices too?
From my little corner of life, parenting is as vague and unnerving as it is about parents being people too. To use an old phrase from a song…”I never promised you a rose garden”….well, the truth is, it might have been a rose garden by comparison to how the parent grew up! I know that was true for a lot of parents. So, change if you feel the need to change but be aware that parents are people too. We didn’t come from blank slates and neither do they or those who tell us to change.
Be well, stay well, and….
Love and Light!