About Me

If you’re wondering why you’re reading this blog, you’re not alone.  I’m wondering the same thing.  I’m not a writer nor, do I know much about blogging or even how WordPress works.  Even as I was creating this blog and activating it, I kept asking myself why I was doing it.  Who am I to write about anything that anyone would want to hear about?  Then, it dawned on me that everyone has opinions and everyone has a life.  With each life, everyone has experiences and within those experiences are opinions, thoughts and stories.

I’m no one special.  I’m like everyone else walking the face of this earth.  Yet, I am someone. I have worked and have hobbies.  I am an artist, a bookkeeper, a photographer as well as having worked many other titles, roles and worn many hats throughout the years.  I have a lot of stories and, probably too many opinions for some but, I figured, why not share it all with others.  Who knows who can or will connect with some of me through it?  Why not try?

I may not write something every day.  I may not write anything pertinent to you or your life.  My entries may be scattered and not following any chronological order or reasoning.  I’m not exactly the most eloquent of writers either.  My grammar may be horrible and my spelling attrocious but, my messages will be heartfelt and my own experiences, stories and opinions.  It may also include photos where possible with stories that run behind them.

My hope in writing this blog is that there will be others who can and will relate to what I’m saying in some way or another and will join me in conversations and discussion to some extent or another.  So, pull up a chair, pour yourself a cup of something yummy, take a break and join me in My Corner of Life.

Best wishes to all reading this. My email address is: Ponderinglifetoo@gmail.com

NOTE:  I have STOPPED reading and posting comments concerning YouTuber Ralph Smart.  If that is your intention and you’re trying to sneak one through in here, even cloaked, I sniff out Smartians and will NOT publish anything further to do with him.  Please don’t waste my time or yours.  Thank you.  

37 thoughts on “About Me



    1. Thank you, Lodestone. I guess that drug usage also helps, right? Ok…thank you for your comment. Even though you haven’t elaborated on anythng other than, “I can see exactly why…” in CAPS. LOL. With an attitude such as yours, I can also see why you’ve estranged from your own parents and continue to do so. Best wishes!


  2. I just want to thank you for sharing some of yourself. I have been listening to you on Youtube and I cannot express how much you have helped me. I will not go into a long story, but I too was a good and decent mother, may be sometimes too overprotective or gave advice that she did not want to hear. However everything is and was out of love. I too am a parent that has been wounded and hurt. But I will not any longer be a victim! So thank you for opening up a dialogue on this very sad and difficult topic….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks so much ..Going into the 10th year and your blog and you tube have saved my life ..Finally some one on the parents side. Not saying to chase,beg,apologize etc

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I am a mother of two daughters ages 37 and 42. They are estranged. Their Dad and I divorced and I used to blame their actions on that. I remarried. I thought it was due to the new husband. That husband died. My family has reached out to both daughters to try to get them to pin point the reason for their dislike of me. They cannot pin point it and were unable to in a counseling session I was in with both daughters. The deal then was if I got the counseling I needed, then they would allow me to be around my grandchildren. After 3 sessions, the older daughter fired the counselor because the counselor was not making it all about my fault. The counselor was pointing some of the issues at my oldest daughter. The counselor said she wanted to have a 1 on 1 visit with just her. They met and the next week, my daughter called and said she fired the counselor. This has been going on for 23 years. At one time, it was I was abusive. Another time, it was who I was married to. Another time, Mom was not taking medications like she should for her anger management, which I never had. I started realizing that everything she blamed me, it would change when that did not pan out for her and she could no longer claim the issue she had reported. It’s been 23 years and no change and I believe we are in COMPLETE ESTRANGEMENT by ADULT CHILDREN. I no longer blame anything I did raising them. I am a preacher’s daughter and I am children’s minister at my church now. We always attended church. It is disheartening that I cannot be in my grandsons lives. I have 3 grandsons. The Lord did remind me though that I am to love the ones he has put in my life and in my life…God has placed a lot of children in my ministry of children. Through the videos on YouTube, I have learned NOT to blame myself for every little detail of their life. This is a choice they made to not include me in their life. It is definitely their loss as I love children so much. I used to keep 10 children in my home for extra income. I have always been good with children. The one way they knew they could hurt me the most is not allow me in my grandchildren’s lives.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I absolutely love this video! It hits the nail on the head for me! I have 2 out of 3 adult children estranged from me! I will not take the blame of any of their anger anymore, as they now try to blame me while in their mid 40’s!! They grew up without their absentee abusive dad due to his behavior, losing his visitation rights through the courts! Their dad’s goal was to drive me crazy! It hasn’t worked in the last 40+ years! I did it all and more for them! Thank you Pondering Life for your message! You are awesome! I posted this on the you tube before I found this comment section! You have lifted a weight of blame off my shoulders!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. My friend Nadia has told me about you – she tells me you are an inspiration. Can you share with me what inspired you to become a vegan and how does that translate – you eat fruit, raw food, you cook without using diary products? What does this diet do for you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Shirley….I WAS a Vegan. I went to a more wide-spread version of eating after becoming very ill on especially, Vegan eating. I was extremely low on Vitamin B12 (all B vitamins to be exact) and others. I found that I needed more whole grains to gain those. I still eat very little poultry (I don’t eat red meat at all) and fish but, I work some into my diet now.

      No, I didn’t eat just raw foods. I cooked a lot of my veggies. I lightly steamed them so as not to disturb or lose their nutrients. I didn’t use anything close to resembling any animal products and that included dairy of all kinds but, they are hidden in labels. Very sneaky of them. So, I ate mostly un-processed foods to be sure and let me say that it took time to cook and shop for foods.

      As for how I felt….well, I felt horrible after awhile of doing this style of eating. I guess it was the lack of vitamins. Vegan eating is NOT for everyone. It can be fine short termed as long as one is healthy, young and gets their blood work done on a regular basis. I do NOT advocate Vegan or Vegetarian for those under 21 years of age, growing and building bone, muscle etc.. I also do NOT advocate either eating style for pets either. People make mistakes in thinking this is a healthy way of them eating. It’s not.

      Cutting entire food groups mean that we should all be aware of what it can do to our bodies as we are all individuals. Remember that there are a LOT of hefty and overweight Vegans and Vegetarians as well. It’s not a weight loss diet by any means. Eating potatoes without dairy products is Vegan and Vegetarian as is chips, cakes and a whole bunch of fattening foods that can be adapted towards that kind of way of eating. I actually first lost weight (a bit) then, gained! YIKES!!! LOL.

      My best advice in becoming Vegan would be to consult a registered Dietician and get the PROPER diet details for you. :). That also entails perhaps, supplementation of vitamins and essential acids that cannot be gotten from foods other than lean poultry or fish.

      Wishing you well in whatever you decide is best for you BUT….seek out proper guidance so that your health is not ruined long termed, please. Mine was destroyed. I just didn’t know what I was doing and even now, I realize that it was a trend, fad or otherwise that I was going through. Please don’t just subscribe to a “fad” way of eating. Seek out professional help and if that’s what you decide is right for you and you get a green light for it….proceed with full knowledge…not just by someone else’s word on the net. The net can be a great resource for information but, it’s also full of junk! LOL.

      HUGS and my sincerest best wishes!


  7. Dear Pondering—I found your article posted to a group dedicated to those of us with estranged children. Thanks for your wise and wonderful words re the child/adult estrangement—I have been experiencing this for close to 21 years and what you write in the article is so true. I believe she aims to hurt me and she has, deeply. She can be very mean. As for me, I am done with trying to salvage the relationship but luckily i have another daughter with whom I share a strong bond and who is wonderful and caring. Hugs to all of us in this predicament.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Betty, I am so sorry that you are part of the group of childless parents. No one wants to be part of it, do they? As you’ve said, you have another daughter with whom you share a strong bond. That is a bit of a cushion though it never stops hurting, does it? I will say though that the fact that you have ONE child who has estranged herself and yet, another who has stayed, is indicative that what you have done as a parent is not enough to justify what your estranged daughter has done to you. The idea that one has stayed and is strong with you, often means that there’s nothing that YOU as a person have done to the daughter who has estranged herself. It has more to do with her and whomever she is with (friends, boyfriend, spouse, partner etc.) than it does with you as a parent. Unfortunately, she can do it so she has. She will come to realize the mistake one day. Let’s hope that it’s sooner rather than later. HUGS XO XO XO

      Liked by 1 person

  8. As an elderly parent whose daughter told her father and me that she no longer wanted us in her life, we are among the many millions of parents belonging to a group that no one on God’s green earth wants to belong to. But here we are – 3 years later. Still wondering what we could have done to deserve to be shunned, “ghosted”, treated like outcasts after 44 years of loving, sharing and having good times together. The lst year was a blackout, denial, the 2nd years nothing but tears and trying to maintain a life; now the 3rd year. We’ve tried everything to heal our relationship. She wants no part of us. I read something from a psychiatrist recently “healthy minds want to fix things, unhealthy minds do not. Until she and her husband heal themselves there is nothing we can do. I pray for all parents and children who have taken this route of pain and suffering.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I am so very sorry KO. As you well know from my pieces, you are not alone in those feelings. Like you’ve said…”it’s a group that no one on Go’s green earth wants to belong to”.

      You and your husband have my warmest embrace and heartfelt wishes that mending takes place for you and your daughter.


  9. I have just read your thought on adult children badly treating their parents and what to do about it.
    Thankyou so much for your input. I’m having a terrible time with my 2 adult children. All I’ve been doing for years now is trying harder and feeling more guilty for my failure as a mother.
    I’m a strong person with everything else and I come from a close loving family. So it’s really difficult for me to come to the conclusion that I need to step away from my adult children, but enough is enough. The more I try the more I’m treated like garbage. It’s so difficult when the love you have for them is so strong. But No I would never let anyone else treat me like this and I have definatly been rewarding bad behaviour for a long time. Thankyou again that was really helpful to me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m sending you every good wish and hugs for good measure Dian. No one should be able to treat us this way. And, NO….it wasn’t you as a parent who caused your children to be as they are with you. What you likely did (as most of us did) was to give them far TOO much. Yes, it’s time to lovingly take a rest from being treated like a doormat. None of us need or deserve that type of treatment. Love yourself and others will too…even if it makes others around you now, scratch their heads and wonder why you’ve changed. It’s ok to stop the abuse. Really. Follow your heart and gut in the way to do it.


      Liked by 1 person

    2. Your inspirational words have been healing therapy for me. I am thrilled to have accidentally discovered your site. Reading your words are like having written them myself and I can’t thank you enough for finding your site as it has graciously given me such warming guidance

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re so welcome Marcia. I hope that something I say will help others, struggling with these issues as I am. It’s hard. Keep on focusing on yourself and knowing that you can get through this. We all can.
        HUGS XO


  10. I just noticed, you’re insecure and it’s very draining to my energy. Yet with that said you are courageous in “coming out”. Positive and a negative (angel + demon) if you don’t alre know that.
    Have a good day or bad one up to you.


    1. Interesting Joshua Velazquez-Lemus….let me guess. First of all, from your comment, it appears as though you are not only insecure about yourself but, you have no love for yourself and therefore, anyone else. However….you have given me a BIG chuckle. I can see that you were in here ONLY reading my pieces on Ralph Smart and nothing else. You couldn’t find anywhere else to vent your frustration that someone else doesn’t think Smart is Jesus Christ because I’ve closed off comments on 1 and 2 year old pieces so, you found this little spot to be a “Smartian” and do what Smartians usually do.
      So, this is the type of thing that “deep divers” and “loving beings” do to others. Interesting that you’ve taken what you’ve learned to this extent to find another portal to get through with your comments regarding Smart and likely only ONE piece that most Smartians read. Have a blessed day.


  11. I enjoy your blog and some of the comments,although the abusive ones NO. I too am an estranged parent of many years. We have come to the point of no return,she is gone but I treasure and don’t regret the years we had. It saddens me she cannot enjoy the love of family and it’s brought such confusion and pain to her loving brother but there is nothing we can do.
    The talks on the cult leader and how someone who proposes peace and love has followers who lash out with hatred,such irony.
    Jus thought I’d stop lurking and say hello and offer support 💗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Arien, it’s so nice to meet you! I’m extremely happy that you came out of the shadows and introduced yourself. 🙂

      I am so very sorry to hear that you are also part of a group that NO parent ever wants to become part of. These adult children’s choices do affect everyone in the family, including left-behind siblings who can also feel as though they are caught in the middle in some ways. It’s extremely hurtful to all, isn’t it?

      I have also come to the point where I feel as though our daughter will not return to us as well. Unfortunately, for us, she is an only child and we have no other children to concentrate on. She was it for us.

      As for the Ralph Smart commenters, you hit the nail on the head with what you are saying and why. If these people were truly learning to become spiritual as they say from Mr. Smart, they’re showing quite the opposite, aren’t they?

      I have stopped all comments now on these pieces but, I refuse to take them down as I took the time to write them and they are my feelings/opinions on this person, after having done a lot of research and getting others in the U.K. that I know, involved.

      I just wanted you to be thanked for introducing yourself and all that you’ve shared with me. It means a lot. Thank you!

      Love and Light and MANY Thanks!


  12. Ralph Smart has helped me very much so, although I do not watch him daily, when I do I find something very wise he speaks about. Anyway on your post against Ralph you stated all the puzzle pieces you found under the table about him, curious where is your proof , what have you found, and all motivational speakers use little special tools of the trade to get you interested as well as advertisers . Not really an eye opener there. Glad you are trying to seek the turth…I am not rude nor will I swear to you and put down your blog, you are free to write what you want. Seek the Truth always …and go from there… I still admire Ralph Smart, he isnt Jesus or anything close, and sure do remember people talking alot of S – – T about that guy too, sooooo what really is the truth.


    1. Thank you, ecogreenleaf for your comment. If you’re following Mr. Smart even once in awhile, you will have noted that what he says, you have likely heard elsewhere as well. If you have watched his spiels on depression, you will also note that as a “psychologist” his advice is not exactly stellar. When he tells people that they need to go and lay down for a rest or hit a spa because depression is really a need for “deep rest”, I have to wonder. A friend’s relative just shot and killed themselves through depression. They are now in “deep rest”. Hmmmm….Jim Carrey also uttered this exact same phrasing BEFORE Smart did. Wonder where they got it from? It certainly wasn’t from their own minds/heads. As for “proof”, what would people like you accept as “proof”? Smart, himself, making a video that I post here where he admits that he’s got a plan? Sorry, I cannot reveal my sources for legal reasons as well as my word that I wouldn’t do so. However…please, by all means…continue to admire Smart. I’m not stopping you, am I? You’re a free soul. Fly your way. Best of wishes.


  13. I’ve had a read of some of your posts, some of which were quite well written mostly the post on why people use others, I do however find your points of view quite black and white with no real grey area and you remain silent as to who you are? It’s ok to have privacy but it looks like you don’t actually practice what you preach and I use that word as you have gone into a public arena to spread your opinion just like a Mormon that knocks on your door – lol – I think you have a lot to offer on your site as in most cases I do agree with your points of view but by remaining hidden your inhibiting it being shared because you lose credibility ect. I was all set to share it on Facebook but if people don’t know who you are there is no point now is there?

    Let me know when you come out of hiding – lol – and I will happily share your content 😉


    1. Thank you for your comment, Richard. Much appreciated even when and where we both might differ in opinions on some things.

      I’m hearing your words but, I’m not seeing much substance to them because….you are not saying what exactly you wish me to come out with about myself?

      A lot of my posts contain personal information. Being part of a “public arena” as you’ve termed it, I believe that I lose credibility if I turn my blog post into a Dear Diary format. It’s my points that I wish to get across, not my personal life or baring my soul.

      Perhaps, it’s partially because you are more interested in the pieces about why people might not like you versus the rest of my posts that has you feeling as though I am a “Mormon”? lol

      Regarding being “black and white” in my posts “with no shades of grey”, part of that reasoning is because I am writing a blog post, not a novel where every nuance can be explained in such detail that the greys can be exposed fully. If someone were to write a piece long enough to cover the black and white and all of the shades of grey in between, one would have blog posts several thousand words long. That’s not what readers want to read. Once a reader gets to 1000 words or more, they are bored to tears and click off of it. Have you discovered that with your own writing yet? It’s interesting how that works with minds but, it does go that way.

      That said, I’d like to ask you one question….just what would you suggest I do or say that would have me “come out of hiding”? I’d be interested to hear your take on this matter that you’re raising.

      Love and Light, always


      1. It’s good to get a prompt reply 🙂

        Yes you do speak from experience in most cases or it does appear that way from what I read of your posts. I do not mean for you to turn your site into Dear Diary format but simply personalize it so people can relate to you better, I think you would get shared more and would actually gain credibility.

        I never said people do not like me – lol – I took away a mental image of a nun admonishing her Sunday school pupils after reading “The Adult Child”post.

        There is a grey area that a lot of people fall into like myself for example: Both my parents are considered good people, they did get extremely carried away with physical punishment when I was a child but I am estranged from them due to a decision I made not because of abuse but because they are simply to selfish and self absorbed to take any interest and they think they are better than to have had a child such as me to embarrass them.

        I am sure that many other people have had to make similar choices and to class those 2 reasons as the only reasons is a little black and white or narrow isn’t it?

        By personalizing your website more you will encourage more of these types of discussions which will only serve to bring more people 😉

        Personally I’d be more likely to share something you have written if I feel I know you and I think a lot of people would be the same.

        Sorry for the novel but it’s good to have this kind of dialogue 😉

        What do I call you? Ponderinglifetoo?

        I hope I make sense here – lol

        Kind Regards



        1. Hello again, Richard. 🙂

          First of all, let me express my sorrow for your need to estrange yourself from overly punishing parents. That’s quite hard to deal with. I grew up abused (as you can note from other blog posts that I’ve written on the topic). I didn’t estrange myself from them because I felt that they were miserable within themselves/their own lives and perhaps, they knew no better? I have no idea to this day why they did what they’ve done but, I do know that I chose another route. Does that make me right and you wrong? Absolutely not however, it does make a format such as this one, impossible to cover every single angle or situation or, as you’d say, “the greys” lest it become a novel format that puts people to sleep. I’d need to write an entire book on the topic to cover even 75% of that type of thing. I was coming at it from my perspective as a parent of a child who was treated with respect and loyalty, kindly with support, never punished with abusive actions nor, made responsible for my life’s issues. Instead, she chose drugs and a loser of a boyfriend who introduced her into the drug scene, living his life in a fog each and every day, all day long, barely working.

          So, I’m sure that you can see my reasoning now for why more of this wasn’t covered in whatever pieces you have read. It wasn’t meant to be read as a manual for the parent-child relationship issues which may cause estrangement.

          Now as to personalizing my website, I’m still wondering how it is that you believe I should do more than what I’ve been doing to “personalize it”? Giving out my personal experiences isn’t enough? Would it make you, as a reader, feel better if I were to use my legal name versus my writer’s name? That being said, please note that while writing about an almost “cult-like” following of people, I’ve received death threats that I have not published but, kept. Would it be wise to expose my real name under those circumstances? There are a lot of people who aren’t playing with full decks out in this world and therefore, because this is a public arena, every Tom, Dick and Nutcase might be able to harass me, up close and personal, in or around my home. I don’t wish that to happen, would you?

          If you don’t feel that I am personal enough for you to share my pieces on your Facebook wall, please, by all means, follow your gut feelings. I am not offended that you are not sharing my words with your Facebook friends. I write because I want to write and I don’t get nor, do I expect anything from doing so. It’s not of importance to me whether 1,000 or 1 million people read anything that I’ve written. I do not get paid a cent for anything that I write here.

          However, if it makes you feel any less inhibited to call me by a name other than Ponderinglife, you may call me whatever you wish.

          Stay well, Richard.

          As always, Love and Light

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Jaimee,

            Please excuse the slow reply as I have taken some time to think about your situation as well as continue working on my own site in the meantime. I think I have come up with a workable solution in the form of branding 😉 This will allow you to create a more public profile while keeping your privacy?

            You’ve basically started doing it already just not quite enough, may I suggest updating the look of your site (my browser shows it all pinched to the side with little to no navigation) a facebook page connection, maybe a slightly better looking picture for a logo etc?

            I noticed that you don’t really have any monetization of your site? Even though you write for the enjoyment that is still time and energy, the cost of hosting and domain registration and so forth, you should be paid for all your work and I at least suggest adding adsense to your site.

            I have plans on adding some details on my site regarding depression breakups families and so forth, when I do I would like to invite you to come and guest post your point of view on my site as addit1onal resources, with some links back to your website whence the reason I have made the suggestions I have hoping that it might help to share your content with those that might need it 🙂

            As you will find with my site I am pretty familiar with WordPress and websites etc so if there is anything I can help with feel free to ask, let me know what you think about guest posting

            Kind Regards



            1. Thank you ever so much for your suggestions, Richard. I’m sorry that on your screen my blog comes across as askew. I’d have no idea why that may be happening. It seems to show up fine on mine and a lot of other people’s devices so….???????? Unsure why yours is an issue but, it is what it is.

              As for the money…yes, of course, it would be nice to offset the small fee for my private site fee but, as I’ve said, I write for pleasure versus making money. Perhaps, one day, I will change my mind but, for now, I am ok with how it is going. Adsense wouldn’t make any sense to me at this point and might become more of a hassle than it’s worth? I’d have to do some research on it when/if I decide to use it.

              I do thank you for your suggestions. I am keeping them filed in my brain for future reference as well as your suggestions being here for me to see and, of course, if you ask for my input on your site, I would be more than happy to comment as you have done on mine.

              With sincerest wishes,


  14. Hello Ponderinglifetoo, you know me well. As an artist too I would need some special help from you now. Before I’m going to publish my poor man’s last song ever, some advice should been taken care with concerning the english language of the song. Can we message via private email so I could let you read my words of the song to correct because english isn’t my home language? My song probably is going to be the one, before I leave this dimension, the unique one with the hidden message of love and you are the one I trust. You can trust me. Sincerely Juha Friberg


  15. I can relate to you when you said “why am I here on wordpress when…” the same thought crossed my mind when I began. I’m glad you stumbled upon my blog. Looking forward to reading more of your posts ~ Bernice

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Thanks for stopping by and following my blog! Much appreciated, dude. Looks like you’ve got some great content yourself, and I’m looking forward to sticking around and reading more.


  17. Hello, Lela. I am so glad you decided to share some of yourself with the rest of us. I have over the past two years been thinking a great deal about you, as Mariam’s mother, and as a loyal wife. My heart goes out to you in compassion. I think about your son, and my heart goes out to him, too. Having seen the in-depth, very open and forthright interview you gave on TV, I now understand that you are a deep, earnest, giving, caring person. Your honesty, courage and resilience under the most trying circumstances are to be admired. My purpose in writing here is to let you know that there are people, like me, in the outside world who are praying for you, and for your family. I can only imagine what you must be feeling, and how you have managed to continue to navigate through your days, given all that has happened.

    I wonder if you would permit me to offer this perspective where Mariam is concerned, a perspective that I saw played out years ago on a very well-known and much loved television program. In her first interview, a woman received a new perspective about how to recover from great emotional pain after the death of her five day old baby girl. It was suggested that, instead of looking upon it as a wrenching loss, she was to see it, instead, as a gift she, the mother, had been given for a set period of time. The plan and purpose was that the baby, the gift, was to remain five days, and then leave; that is, it was the baby’s ‘set time’ to be with her mother. A discussion followed – how much the baby had given the mother, and how much the mother’s life had been enriched, by having had the baby with her for those five days. In a follow-up interview months later the woman shared that this new perspective had enabled her to be restored. She was well and at peace – all because she had come to think of her time with the baby, albeit so brief, as being a gift which she was to have for the time she had it.

    It is so very difficult to come to grips with great loss. I share this account with you in the sincere hope that perhaps, in some small way, it will bring a measure of peace to your aching heart. You and your family remain in my prayers.



    1. Maria…what beautiful sentiments you’ve shared regarding Lela Tabidze’s struggles and journey.
      While I am not Lela, it is my hope that one day, she will stumble upon my blog and read your words
      to her.


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