“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” – Life’s Little Instruction Book, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It’s ironic how something so simple can make one feel both inspired and inadequate, all at the same time.
Twenty-four hours in a day, 365 days in a year. The same amount of time in a day, as the people who have achieved great and wonderous things in their lives. Yet, here I sit, staring at a blank template, unable to even get a simple blog entry written, let alone produce anything that would make a difference in the world.
Perhaps, it’s not so much the time that we have but, the ideas? Or, maybe, the lack of ideas are a symptom of a lack of passion?
“It’s hard to tell with these Internet startups if they’re really interested in building companies or if they’re just interested in the money. I can tell you, though: If they don’t really want to build a company, they won’t luck into it. That’s because it’s so hard that if you don’t have a passion, you’ll give up.”
How true it is that if you don’t have passion, you’ll give up. My grandmother used to say, “You’ve got to want it so bad that you can taste it.” While I’ve never understood how that idiom got started or how it is that you could taste something you wanted badly, the point was there. We need passion towards something to make it happen fully.
Did Hellen Keller, Mother Theresa, Louis Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Theresa, Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein all have a passion to achieve some greatness or, were they simply following a passion and achieved greatness in the process?
Passion may be passion but, the end results are not always what drove that passion in the first place nor, will they all achieve greatness, wealth or even benefit mankind or the world.
Keller, Mother Theresa, Michaelangelo and the others mentioned never became wealthy from their work. They lived, meagre, modest lives, some of the time, in great poverty. They all seem to have followed an idea, sparked by an interest within them. They then, became driven to go further with it. It’s doubtful that any of them had the intention in mind to become wealthy from their passions. It was an inward pull that created a pull towards furthering their knowledge or achieving more with their work. The fact that it helped others in the process seems as though it was merely a bonus for the most part.
Few of us will achieve greatness within our lives. Most of us will have smaller, less reknowned fame than the greats of this world but, if we set out with a passion, work at it and continue on with only the passion in mind, one can only speculate that greatness can be achieved in some form or another.
The bottom line to all of this is to find our passions and follow them. That may be the hardest of all…finding it.
Robin Gibb’s death was not as a result of his colon or liver cancer, Robin John Gibb has stated publicly. Gibb’s son, Robin John told media that his father’s death was a result of kidney and liver failure. Gibb’s liver and colon cancer had been put into remission and was undetectable.
According to Robin John, his father had suffered a seizure after chemotherapy and was given sedatives to control the seizure which his liver couldn’t handle, he told the Sunday Express.
“The end was peaceful and dignified, there were no theatrics. It was only later that I cried and cried… It wasn’t the cancer that killed my father; those reports are wrong. Dad had actually gone into remission and the cancer was completely unrecognizable, it was too small to detect. No scan could see it. He actually died of kidney failure,” Robin John stated. “Three days before (he died), he was sitting up and watching DVDs and then suddenly he had a seizure. He was then dosed with sedatives to deal with the side effects of his chemotherapy and his liver just couldn’t process them. He deteriorated to the point where it started to affect his kidneys as well. Basically my father died of kidney and liver failure. It was a really sudden downturn.”
Robin John described his father’s passing by saying,
“I was sitting next to his bed with my mother and we saw that his heart had started to give out. We knew it was the end. We called my brother and sister and they came in. I was cradling his head and holding his right hand, and my mother was holding his left. I gave him a kiss… We watched him go and told him we loved him.”
A private funeral is being planned by the family for June during which, Robin John hopes to have Titanic Requiem, the music he and his father worked on together for two and a half years, played during the funeral.
A larger public memorial is being planned for sometime in likely September.
One thing we do know is that Robin Gibb has left this earth behind with a legacy to remember him by. He won’t easily be forgotten. May he rest in peace.
There just doesn’t seem to be any accounting for taste nor, possibly even sanity when it comes to art and apparently, Maggie Sutherland, a Miramichi native artist, has put that to the test by painting a nude painting of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper entitled, “Emperor Haute Couture”.
One has to wonder what was running through artist, Maggie Sutherland’s mind when she set forth to paint an unauthorized nude painting of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Is she crazy? Or, is she simply trying to be controversial and bring attention to herself and her work? Perhaps, it’s simply for the money?
No matter what Sutherland was thinking, it’s most certainly brought a tremendous amount of response and attention to the piece and herself.
When asked in a CBC interview via phone, Sutherland responded to the attention she’s been getting over the painting with a “what more can an artist ask for…other than scads of money?” and laughed.
Stating that she has always been a fan of painter, Edouard Manet, Sutherland says that it had been rumbling around in her mind for many years and she was simply bringing Manet’s style and messages through to the 21st century and giving it a modern twist. Inspired by “the long tradition of nudes in paintings, going back hundreds and hundred of years,” she said, and added Manet to the mix by “putting an everyday woman, in the place of a goddess on a couch so, I just tried to bring it forward to the 21st century and used a modern political figure in a very similar pose. If you look at the internet, you’ll see that I really stole a lot from him [Manet].”
When asked what her reasoning was behind this painting, Sutherland seemed a little confused herself as to why she painted this particular painting, stating that “it wasn’t personal…it was a comment on how governments are…how they function.”
Sutherland doesn’t stop there. She likens it to “Hans Christian Andersen’s, The Emperor’s New Clothes,” she states, “where despite all claims to the contrary, he is parading through the town’s square naked. It’s a comment on government more than personal. He [Harper] just happens to be in the right place at the right time.”
When asked if she had a lot of doubts about doing the painting, she answered “daily,” and sighed, saying that she’d been asked if she’d had a lot of therapy to which she answered, still laughing, “yes, I’ve had a lot.”
Perhaps, a stupid question but, a valid one, she was asked if she had ever thought of asking Harper to sit for the painting and she laughed heavily, saying that she had to work from her imagination. The question itself seemed totally ridiculous and Sutherland appeared to laugh it off, knowing it was a ridiculous notion for such an unwelcomed and unflattering painting of the country’s current prime minister.
She called the painting “old hat” to her at this point as she had finished it early in 2011 and had it on display in a gallery in Toronto for 3 months without much fanfare over it until it raised controversy while hanging in the local library in her hometown.
It sold to an undisclosed buyer for $5,000.00 so, one could guess that she’s laughing as she heads to the bank.
However, it’s made me wonder if perhaps, Sutherland also has her own sense of humor when it comes to herself? Would she mind if I did a photo-painting of her?
I’ve been a fan of Chris Wake, an Australian Contemporary Artist’s work so, I’ve done a piece that I have titled, “Reclining Nude Kookaburra” featuring artist Maggie Sutherland as a statement of how artists are naked and exposed by their works. It’s not personal to Sutherland. It’s a statement of how artists work and can put meaning to pieces where there really may not be any to be had except controversy, imagination and attention seeking.
By the way, if the buyer of Sutherland’s painting is reading this, I’m also open for offers to my work as well.
I admit that I cried when Phillip Phillips won the $1 million recording contract in placing first and beating out sixteen year old powerhouse singer, Jessica Sanchez. It was heartwrenching and heartwarming to see him break down into emotion mid-finale song as the reality of his win sank in and he walked off stage, wanting only to be in his parents’ arms. Who could blame him? It was a tough fight for all of the contestants but, especially for Phillips who also struggled with health issues and pain all season.
Why does the show insist on sticking a microphone in front of the winner and ask them to sing at that moment in the first place? They’re overcome with emotions, they’ve sang all season, they’ve won and there just isn’t anymore left in them to give to us at that point in time.
Both Phillips and Sanchez were equally deserving of the title American Idol 2012. Both are extremely talented in their own ways and rights.
By far, Jessica has the bigger and more powerful as well as versatile voice and will likely land a contract the moment the legalities tied to Idol lift so that the labels can sign her on. There will likely be no shortage of offers on the table and she’ll have her pick.
However, Phillips seemed to have had the edge over Sanchez in terms of being the total package. He has the charm, the talent, the good looks, the female audience attraction as well as a sound that is uniquely his.
Was Phillips the best singer vocal-wise? Not really. Sanchez beat him by a mile in that arena. Phillips simply was different and stuck to who he was as an artist right from Day 1. He gave viewers the good old, ‘this is me…you either like me or you don’t because I’m not changing’ message out. It worked. The viewers proved they loved him with a record voting tally of some nearly 132 million votes on Tuesday evening coming in for the pair and now, Phillips has earned his honored place in Wikipedia. Whodda thunk that he’d become that famous to earn a place in an online enclyopedia?
Don’t feel too badly though because Sanchez also became a Wikipedia legend as well as the other top 12.
Phillips didn’t seem able to believe that he could have gotten to the point he got. He gave off the impression all season that while he wanted it, he wouldn’t be surprised if he were sent home each week.
When asked by host, Ryan Seacrest last night if either he or Sanchez had slept the night before, Phillips answered that he’d gotten a pretty solid nine or ten hours worth. That was hardly the vision of someone who was counting on or anticipating being the winner.
Phillips admitted during an interview that he didn’t think that he’d even make it past the pre-auditions in Savannah.
“Honestly, I didn’t think I would even make it to see the judges. I have no shame in saying I’m not a great singer. I just love having fun up on stage, jamming with the guys and just playing good music, getting the crowd into it. I love playing music. I’m just a lucky guy,” he responded to media reporters backstage last night.
He told reporters that he’s ready to hit the recording studio but, true to Phillip Phillips form, said that it was going to be recording his own stuff, his way which won’t sound anything like the song, “Home” that he sang on Tuesday night’s finale competition rounds.
“I don’t really write stuff like that (reference to the song, “Home”), but it’s a very good song,” he’s stated outright. “I’m glad people enjoy it, but I’m excited to do my own stuff.”
Early on in the season, Phillips was struck with kidney stones which put him in tremendous pain. A surgery was done during the season to put a stent in to “get him through” but, he’ll need surgery to remove the stones before going on tour with the top 12 this summer.
Worried about him the entire season, his parents stated to media,
“He’s had a surgery since he started American Idol already to get through. That’s why they put the stint in him [so they] could keep his kidney functioning good. Physically he’s in good shape. He said it’s painful wearing the stint. That’s why you see him moving like an old man. He can’t move. I can’t wait until he has his surgery and he recovered and ya’ll see him 100%.”
So, wraps up another American Idol season and while the judging panel seems uncertain still, viewers heard Jennifer Lopez utter a statement that may indicate that she’s possibly still thinking about her place on the panel next year.
After a tongue-in-cheek comedic clip of Jimmy Iovine, calling Jennifer, Jessica and vice versa was played, Iovine kissed Jennifer’s hand and apologized. J.Lo answered in return, “that’s ok, you’ll get it right next year” and laughed.
Could she be in negotiations and thinking of returning?
Auditions for the 2013 season begin as early as June and run throughout the summer. Meanwhile, J.Lo will be on tour so, it’s hard to guess what will happen at this point.
Anyone whose been an American Idol fan can likely attest to the fact that while the talent has been growing, the ratings have been falling and the judges seem to be changing faster than we can get used to them.
Randy Jackson seems to be showing no signs of quitting the show for the 2013 season but, there’s a pretty good chance that Jennifer Lopez may be signing off and Steven Tyler has kept pretty quiet about whether he’ll be returning next season or not.
J.Lo has seemingly become too busy for the show with her music career picking up again. It’s been rumored that she makes somewhere between 8 and 10 million dollars a season on Idol so that’s no chump change to be leaving behind. She’s already told Ellen Degeneres, “I just don’t know,” (about going back to being a judge on 2013’s season of Idol.
I loved the Ellen Degeneres experiment but, it was more like a fish-out-of-water scenario with Ellen as a judge. She is better placed in her talk-show position where she is much loved and comfortable.
Steven Tyler is one of the reasons I tune into Idol still. Jackson is getting stale in his comments of “dude”, “she/he wants it bad”, “it was just ok for me” and a lot of other terms that Jackson has coined over the years he’s been a judge on Idol.
Though Tyler doesn’t tend to add a lot towards commenting on the contestant’s performances and seems like more of a Yes-Man, he’s coloroful and adds a lot to the comfort of seeing a famous face to the panel. It would be sad to see him leave and may just push my personal viewership over the edge and me not bothering to watch next season but, then again, I said that when Simon Cowell left Idol. I’m still watching.
I’m sure Jimmy Iovine would love to step into an Idol Judge Seat and would likely make the next Simon Cowell “Boo-Fest” judge. He’d be the one we love to hate and throw couch cushions at our tv sets over but, that’s what made Idol what it was when Cowell had us all jokingly mocking his British accented words, “attrocious”, “horrendous”, “karaoke bar performance” in our everyday lives.
Of course, Cowell has had his own headaches with his new show, “X-Factor” and finding his own set of judges for the panel. Ironically, it just may be one of the rivals for Idol ratings though they don’t tend to overlap.
The Voice may be another rival for the now 11 year old show. With buxom and very vocal Christina Aguilera as a panel judge and mentor, it’s catching on like wildfire. Idol may have to pull out some big guns to counter both X Factor and The Voice judges.
As far as we know, it will be Britney Spears and Demi Lovato who will be joining Cowell and L.A. Reid after Cowell dumped friend and former co-judge, Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger who replaced Cheryl Cole within the first season. Season 2 will also provide two new hosts, yet to be announced by Cowell and he tossed Steve Jones went curbside.
But, perhaps, the reality of all of this is that there are just far too many reality and talent series going on. The list is as long as a city block. Dancing, singing, juggling plates, bike riding….you name it, it’s a tv show. From ordinary people to celebs in Dancing With The Stars. We’re saturated with reality and talent shows. We need some fantasy for a change again.
We’ve had far too much of reality shows and we’re now all on overload. We’re due for some great new sitcoms and less cop and detective shows. We’re floundering between them all, wondering what crime or talent to watch.
Frankly, I’d love to just sit down to watch a few shows that take me into a fit of laughter or feel like part of a family again. I find myself searching for re-runs of Reba, Roseanne and sadly, Hope and Faith just to feel like I’ve lightened up a bit from the detective crime shows when I’ve just watched the evening news to see the same types of reality stories. I’m also finding myself planning out how to watch so many reality talent shows all at once. It’s impossible to keep track of them all.
Perhaps, it’s time to turn off the tv set, get a karaoke machine and an X-Box Band Hero set?
Robin Gibb, has sadly lost his battle with cancer and the complications related to it and its treatment Saturday May 20, 2012 at the age of 62. His family has released only this statement.
“Robin passed away today following his long battle with cancer and intestinal surgery.”
As the tributes pour in and the cause of his death is well-known, it wasn’t shocking news that he had passed on but, somewhere deep down inside, a lot of us who had been following his remarkable career, illness and extraordinary recovery from a ten-day long coma a few weeks ago, there was the hope that Robin Gibb would be one of the miracles in this life. Sadly, it wasn’t to be the case.
Much like his fraternal twin brother, Maurice, has succumbed to an intestinal issue. Maurice, thirty-five minutes younger than Robin, had passed away on January 12, 2003 due to complications created by twisted intestines. Prior to that, brother Andy Gibb had passed away March 5, 1988 to myocarditis, an inflammation of the heart muscle that was created by a recent virus. Robin developed complications from intestinal surgery with several growths having been removed and liver cancer.
Still remaining of the famous family is brother Barry Gibb, age 65 and older sister Lesley (Evans), 66 who still lives in Australia. Barry is now the only remaining member of the former Bee Gees singing group that swept the world with their famous songs throughout the 1970’s and early 80’s.
The British born family had moved from England to Australia in 1958 and got their start as a trio there before moving back to England to take their career to higher planes and finally, stardom.
A list of credits a mile long can be attributed to Gibb but, I’ll leave that for the media to pour over. It will be plentiful in the days to come as the world digests this sad news.
The family has asked for privacy during this time.
One thing is for certain. Robin Gibb gave both life and death, everything that he had. A talented musician, philanthropist and father, Gibb fought with everything in him to continue stayin’ alive, much like the hit song he and his brothers sang in the 1970’s and ironically, has now become the advised song to sing within one’s head to keep the beat of chest compressions while administering CPR.
For two and a half years after diagnosis, Robin Gibb worked tirelessly and co-wrote with his son, Robin John Gibb to keep himself busy.
The Titanic, the ill-fated ship that Gibb had formed a fascination with throughout his life and co-wrote a commemorative composition with his son, Robin John Gibb Titanic Requiemfor the 100th anniversary of its sinking that was premiered in London while Gibb was in a coma due to pneumonia. Robin John Gibb and Gibb’s second wife, Dwina Gibb, attended in his place.
Unfortunately, much like the ship, it is now known that his body could not go on and on, as the words in the title song for James Cameron’s famous movie The Titanic.
Fortunately, for decades to come and maybe, longer, Robin Gibb will be remembered for his life and the way that he lived it as well as what he brought to this world. In a sense, Robin Gibb will “go on and on”.
I hate to harp on about one subject but, Jenna Talackova, the transgendered Miss Universe contestant story is one that has a lot of depth to it that so many of us can relate to in some way or another. Even if we cannot relate to the whole transgenered issue, there are layers to this woman’s life and story that we can all likely resonate to in one way or another.
This school photo of Talackova at the age of 13 years, in grade 8 at Vancouver’s Killarney secondary school hit me on a number of levels that I think most of us can identify with in some way or another.
It’s easy to see that Talackova wasn’t looking boyish at an age when most boys are starting to look upon physiological changes of impending manhood as happily awaited life stepping-stones. Quite to the opposite, Talackova appears to be struggling with feeling like a girl and wanting to be a girl but, having to try to conform to what his physical gender was dictating he should be feeling.
It’s hard to fathom what he/she must have been going through mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Many of us can speak of times when we were doing as we were told to do, being who we thought we should be but, feeling something very different inside. Most of us can say that we were “acting” the parts we were supposed to play or felt that we had to play, at some point or another in our lives.
For many, it’s a daily identity we take on. We have our “at home” personalities and our “at work” persona that we take on. The former feels right and we feel as though we’re who we truly are while the latter feels foreign, faked, unnatural and even stressful. Leaving those work place doors at quitting time can feel like getting out of jail but, what about someone who is trapped in a body that requires taking on a “fake” persona permanently? What must that be like to live with, day in and day out?
For 19 years of her life, Talackova lived in a body that was foreign to her. She has told her story of how she couldn’t look in the mirror to see parts of her physical body that didn’t match what was on the inside. She felt like a female but, her physical attributes were those of a male and she was stuck in that body, unable to understand why nature or God had given two conflicting parts to herself. It was a constant, long, hated struggle. Many of her classmates wondered about Talackova’s gender as they went through school.
One classmate recalls how he felt about Talackova during the time he knew her as a male classmate. ‘It was very obvious,’ said Teruko Walker in an interview with The Vancouver Sun. “It wasn’t like she looked like a boy, but acted like a girl. She very much looked like a female.”
Most of us will remember that growing up wasn’t always easy. There was peer pressures and heaven help anyone who didn’t fit in with the norm. One flaw or deviation from that expectation was fodder for being shunned, bullied, rejected, taunted and alienated. For some, it led to a lifetime’s worth of internal shame, pain, low self-esteem and in cases, permanent scars. One can only imagine what the coupling of that type of pressure on top of the inner feelings that Talackova was dealing with, must have done to her inner self. There have to be deeply hidden scars in there somewhere that a psych professional would have a field-day with. Talackova showed inner fortitude when she made the decision to get off of the merry-go-round and make the commitment to become outwardly, who she was inwardly.
At the age of 19, Walter Talackova went through gender reassignment surgery to become Jenna Talackova. She told the world during an interview with Barbara Walters that the surgery and subsequent hormone injections were painful and intense but, “ultimately rewarding”. ‘As soon as I was conscious, I just always knew that I was not what they were saying. It wasn’t right. I thought that I was in the wrong body,’ Talackova said during the Barbara Walters interview. Jenna’s mother still calls her, Walter.
Of course, one can only imagine the difficulty that her mother was going through as well. She had 4 sons and though she had always wanted a daughter, she had resigned herself to the fact that she had all boys. When Jenna transformed into Jenna fully, one can only surmise how difficult it was for Talackova’s mother to have to adjust to realizing that some 19 years later, she now had 3 sons and a daughter.
Talackova tells media that she felt she was a girl at the age of 4 and began hormone shots at the age of 14. It’s hard to imagine how difficult it must have been for not only Talackova but, also her mother to have a 14 year old starting the physical transformation from being a boy, into being a girl. Most of us, as parents, have a tough time letting our kids of that age go to certain parties or concerts, let alone getting hormone injections that will eventually change their entire gender.
Talackova’s story is one of bravery. It’s the story of someone who realized early in life that they weren’t who they were supposed to be and honored that, doing what was necessary to become the person they knew that they were. Her story is inspirational in a lot of ways, even if one is squimish or against the entire transgender issues.
Perhaps, the biggest message in Talackova’s story is not about gender. It’s about being a hero or, properly said now, heroine in a nightmarish situation. It’s about knowing who you are and in spite of the battles that you have to face, not wavering or letting society or even family waver you from becoming who you truly are. That, in and of itself is a story worthy of paying attention to. We can all learn something from it.
As Talackova has stated, ‘I regard myself as a woman with a history. ‘If it’s helping anybody else, my story and my actions, then I feel great about it.’Perhaps, no matter what we feel about the entire transgender issue, we can learn something from Talackova in some way or another as simply people who are struggling to get through life where expectations of us are not always what we, ourselves know is right for us.
Talackova’s story and the lessons we can learn from her life is one of bravery, courage, determinaton and knowing oneself.
Transgendered Miss Universe contestant, Jenna Talackova will have her day on the stage Saturday night when the beauty contest takes place. If you’re interested, it can be watched online. Miss Universe 2012.
New controversy is swirling around the contest. Some feel that it isn’t fair to the rest of the contestants as the focus will be on Talackova solely and an unfair advantage may go to her because of the issues and controversies that plagued and surrounded Talackova’s entry into the contest, months prior.
I think most of us want to see “the underdog” win. There’s something inherent in us that hopes to see the one who appeared to have the least chance, rise to the top. It may be the side of us all who have been the underdog at some point or another in our lives, defeat the critics and walk off into the sunset with the trophy. In this case, it may be a number of issues raised by Talackova’s fight that works within many people to want to see her do well. There are just so many issues that are at stake in this situation that can resonate within a lot of people in one way or another.
Pageant judges have stated that they intend to be impartial in their voting. Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan of HGTV’s “Home Heist”, two of the celebrity judges have stated,
“We won’t be pushed into making her the winner just because we want to be involved in history in the making. We’ll only decide if Jenna’s a suitable winner if Jenna shows us that she’s worthy of holding that crown. She’s gorgeous, but she’s got to be a whole lot more than gorgeous to be our winner.”
Lyriq Bent of “Rookie Blue” fame is one of 15 judges on the panel and has stated that he’s purposely not watched or listened to media coverage of Talackova’s struggles.
“I’ve been hearing about it (but) I’ve not watched any TV or listened to any news. At the end of the day, we all have opinions and we have an important job to make sure that we do not bring that opinion into our judging. So that’s, I think, the best way to deal with anything.”
No matter what, it is impossible that the judges have not at least entertained a few personal thoughts on Talackova and her situation or the entire transgender issue. Even if it’s on a subconscious level, the transgendered issue, the discrimination she went through or simply the underdog syndrome will come into play one way or another. It will either work for her or against her. Afterall, she is not simply another face and body on that stage. She comes with a history and a profile that is now known world-wide. That’s something that the rest of the contestants don’t have. It remains to be seen whether that will work in her favour or run in the opposite direction.
It wouldn’t surprise me if Talackova walks away with the crown nor, could I say that I’d be either disappointed or elated if she did. To me, she is simply another contestant in a beauty pageant that should have been declared outdated decades ago. I’ve made it no secret that I’m not a fan of these pageants as they are degrading to the advancements Society has made in treating women as people, not pretty faces with bodies. However, there must still be a market for it and there are women who are still objectifying and subjecting themselves to this type of judgement so, the show goes on.
I guess in a small way, I’m secretly hoping that Talackova does win the coveted crown she and the other 80 contestants are going after. There’s a lot to be learned by Society should she win.
Whether you’re rooting for her because it’s a win for Transgendered Rights, the Underdog Syndrome or simply because you’ve come to like her as a person who has fought to get what she wants or, simply because you hate beauty pageants and what they stand for with this making a mockery out of it in some way, we’ve all got reasons why we may want to see Talackova succeed victorious.
For me, I’d love to see Donald Trump’s face as the crown is placed upon her head.
There, I’ve said it. Isn’t that the first step in an addiction problem, admitting your addiction? Now, what do I do with the rest of this since I’ve yet to find a 12 step program for Control addictions.
I recently realized how stressed I’ve been and wondered why I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep and then, waking up in the mornings. It wasn’t until 2:30 a.m. when I looked at the clock for the tenth time in less than a half hour that I realized there was chatter going on in my head that was so loud and non-stop that I couldn’t believe that my snoring husband or the neighbors nextdoor hadn’t been woken up with it. I was thankful that it was just in my head but, wished there was a mute button to turn it all down and let me get some sleep.
I’m one of those people who try to foresee everything that could possibly be or go wrong in order to find a solution for it before it happens or, if it happens. The problem is, whatever is really a problem, rarely is ever one of the hundred scenarios that I’ve worked out in my mind. It’s usually something comes out of the blue that never crossed my mind that becomes the issue or, I end up finding out that there wasn’t a need for any of it at all.
As a child, I grew up in a dysfunctional household where anything could happen at any given time. It could be anything from the most absurd and silly to the horrific and dangerous. Whichever it was, I found myself trying to think ahead so that I could at least, attempt to counter it before it happened to save myself either discomfort or embarrassment. Either way, it really boiled down to a fear of not having control over situations.
While that type of thinking had a foundation at that particular point in my life, I find now that it serves absolutely no good at this stage. As a matter of fact, it’s causing more problems for me than any situation I could encounter ever could create for me. Adding to that, I’ve found myself also trying to control my husband’s and daughter’s issues as well. Not a good scenario because I’m considered meddling by doing so…even though it is done out of love and concern versus wanting simply to control them.
Control usually is born out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, hurt and all sorts of other negative emotions. It’s really all about the fear of pain or discomfort in some form or another. It could even be about trying to stop pain or discomfort for someone else that we love. Of course, at the bottom line of everything, even with trying to control someone else’s pain, we’re also still trying to control our own because if they’re unhappy, we also feel that discomfort.
However, since control is usually about fear of pain or discomfort, can we be causing ourselves more pain and discomfort by trying to control everything to avoid it? I’ve realized that with all of the control that I’m trying to have, I’m putting myself through a literal wringer. Every negative emotion I am trying to avoid, I’m giving to myself through the process of trying to control everything. I’m feeling the fear, dread, worry and oftentimes, rejection from others as I try to control their circumstances for them. In effect, I’ve created all of the things that I’ve tried to avoid feeling, tripped over my own two feet and become a total basketcase which renders me ineffectual in a lot of different ways. I am, for all intents and purposes, tripping over my own two feet and getting in my own way.
So, what’s the answer to this control issue?
Letting go of the steering wheel and have trust and faith that everything will work out somehow. It’s all about trusting self to deal with what needs to be dealt with, if it needs to be dealt with and only then.
That’s not to say that we stop making decisions and simply react to whatever is dished out to us in Life. It’s simply meaning that we’re not conjuring up solutions to problems that don’t exist at the moment and realizing that if or when there is something that we can or need to deal with, we will do it. It means, living in the moment and not looking ahead too far or doing so with visions of disaster dancing through our heads.
This is one of the most powerful of prayers that there is towards giving us pause to stop and put the perspective back into situations.
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change those things that I can,
Wisdom to know the difference
The key for me, seems to be in realizing that not everything is in my power or hands to be able to control. I need to learn that difference and accept that Life has its own way of working things out for us if we let it.
So, I’m leaning back on my sail boat, letting go of the wheel, allowing the wind to take me where I need to go but, knowing that if I need to steer around some obstacle, I have the power to do so quite nicely. I can’t, nor do I need to radio ahead to figure out every potential hazard that may lurk ahead. I only need to be aware and act when necessary and knowing that I can and will handle it somehow.
Mother’s Day. A day to celebrate and show appreciation for the woman in your life who raised you and took care of you. Though brought about by commercial retailers and frought with hype, it’s a day in which we have set aside to honor the things that we are grateful for from these women.
For some, it will be a day in which there is sadness if we’ve lost our own mothers. It will also bring pangs of unfairness if we’ve raised a child who doesn’t acknowledge the day.
My own mother passed away some 26 years ago now. I was 29 years of age at the time, taking care of a 3 year old daughter. (If you’re doing the math, you have a rough idea of my age from those statistics). I had been my mother’s sole caregiver as she battled with a malignant brain tumor. For me, it’s a day of bittersweetness in looking back and honoring my mother and all that she did for me. It’s not a day that I visit her grave site as I feel she is with me wherever I am, knowing what I’m thinking and feeling about her and that I am thinking of her.
For the past 26 years, I have gone without a mother but, I’ve been a mother to a beautiful daughter who has now become a woman herself and is now at the very age that I was when my mother had passed on. Sadly, my daughter has allowed herself to fall prey to a man whom she allows to control her every move and she has had nothing to do with me for the past year or more because of him. The reasons and the dynamics are hard to fathom because it appears that even she doesn’t quite know what the issues are within herself that is causing her to feel this way. However, the bottom line is that I can do nothing about it, in spite of having tried many, many times.
My mother-in-law passed away 14 years ago and my grandmothers both passed away 16 years ago in the same year, only 7 months apart.
As we settle into Mother’s Day and I remember all of these beautiful women, hoping that my own daughter will have an epiphany of some sort and at least make a phonecall to me, I will remember their love,kindness and that I was lucky enough to have had them in my life.
May you spend Mother’s Day with those thoughts for your own mothers, aunts and grandmothers. They helped make you who you are today. And, if you can, spend a bit of time with them, even if it can only be done by phone or, within your mind if it can’t be done.
For those of you reading this who are mothers, Happy Mother’s Day. May you be blessed with the love of the child or children that you raised. There is no harder but, blessed job in this world than being a parent.